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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Not Jiving in Strange Circumstances

Over the past few days, we’ve been visiting with my parents. It’s been an interesting experiment in preparation for our trip in June.
I must admit, I’ve been wondering how our 21 month old son would react faced with new surroundings and circumstances.
After the initial excitement of being somewhere new, talking to his grandparents, and bathing in a new bath tub, the next morning he was rather at a loss of what to do. At home, on our farm, our little boy is a busy fellow. He helps his dad feed animals, fetch mail, bring in wood, he helps me clean up, bake and do laundry, he plays mudpies with his sisters, has his usual selection of toys and books and goes to bed happy, content, and very, very tired.
Here, visiting with family, in a town, in an adult house, he started to wander aimlessly.
We’ve often commented on how our son has such clarity, such clear intention and focus. He decides what he’s going to do, aligns with it, does it, then on to something else. He jives about knowing his intention and it keeps his attraction point clear.
But this sudden unfocused meandering meant he was getting fussy, he didn’t get his wants met, his lack of speech turned frustrating as his intention was less readable. All in all, he was disconnected and it was upsetting to watch. I love my little boys sparkle, sometimes it can totally change a day around.
It wasn’t just a question of going home, although we could have. In the back of my mind I thought that no matter what, in 6 weeks we’re going away, and this, this is how it will be. Seems like a good testing ground.
How to get our little boy jiving again was the question? How, when there were no water bottles to dump, no mud, no chores, how to get him busy, distracted and blissfully himself?
I took him for a little walk around my parents’ yard. I showed him some flowers, I showed him my dad’s garden hose, and a few other things along the way. At first he was in my arms, refusing to be put down, by the garden hose he was walking around, holding my hand.
I put out a mental note, to find something to make him sparkle and soon inspiration had hit. In my parents land, there was a little slope, barely a hill, more of a bump, but enough.
Soon I had my son running down it, and picking up speed. He started to laugh, Holding hands together, we ran up and down the “slope” until his giggles were pouring out in a torrent. When I got tired, he dropped my hand and started on his own. He ran, tumbled and rolled, then back up again. His eyes danced, his cheeks flushed. Ah, he was back to connection with himself.
He jumped on the chance to help pick up sticks that were scattered across the little slope. He went around it, calling them “owies” as I explained they would hurt to roll on top of. He made a nice little pile, under a pine tree. There we found pine cones which he gathered for the family inside.
This happened yesterday, and you know what? He’s better today. He woke up happy and ready for the day, he played with his dad and looked for new adventures. Oh yeah, and the minute that door opens he off to his slope, just for the bliss of a beautiful roll.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Shakespeare and Pinkie Pie Pony

Our homeschooled daughters have shifted gears in their studies and turned their attention on to British history and culture in preparation for our trip in June.
I’ve always loved English literature and through the help of some online games and resources, I was delighted to hear our girls start to chatter about two prominent figures. First they we introduced to Shakespeare. They were watching movies, reading abridged versions, looking at the plays and basically emerging themselves into Elizabethan England. I started to watch as their arts and crafts and imaginary games took a turn into befriending “William” and the characters of Romeo and Juliet. It was, as both a theatre major and a homeschooling mom, on of my crowning moments.
Next, they wanted to enter an online contest regarding Jane Austen. They had to study one of the stories and design an outfit for a character.
Pride and Prejudice was the chosen tale and for 2 nights I sat, snuggled up, with my girls watching the most recent version with Kiera Knightley. Their love of romance blossomed as they watched in awe and admiration the nobility of Darcy and they gained a deeper understanding and respect for sisterhood as they watched Jane and Elizabeth’s relationship.
Again, I silently burbled with pride and joy. However, I was soon asking myself “Where do I take them next?” If at their ages now they are delving into the literary greats, what doors can I open for them in the future to fuel their fires? Had a peaked too early?

Its amazing watching our children’s lives unfold for themselves. Although we can offer them tools, advice and possibly guidance, even from very early on they steer their own ships and will naturally go where the Joy is, which is just as it should be for all of us.

All that to say, did you know they’ve come out with a new My Little Pony series, “Friendship is Magic”? It has the residents of Ponyville back, looking slightly different, but boasting the same qualities of friendship, generosity, love, and laughter that they have had since I was a little girl.
Well, our girls took a side step from British past and discovered this new version last week. Suddenly, Shakespeare and Austen were set aside and plans to save enough pocket money to buy figurines became the new focus. Parties are being held for Rainbow Dash’s arrival, and the literary great website has been replaced for helping a pony pop clouds to block in the sun.
Now for any parent with their child’s education in mind, this could come as a bit of blow. But I was actually thrilled to watch it. Somewhere in society we’ve set a scale, a developmental ladder to measure our children’s success by. Why? I was thrilled by our girls chatter about Shakespeare, but more because something that is beautiful was giving them so much joy. I hear the same sense of fun and joy from them watching Pinkie Pie sing a new song. To see them find the balance between older worlds and a younger child’s experience, without being guided by what other’s think or how smart they “look”, but just how much joy it brings in the moment, that in my mind is a successful parenting day.
For all their lives the names of Shakespeare and Jane Austen will live on in their memories and I would think that one day they will revisit them. But they already have the advantage of not labelling them “boring” or as a school subject, they saw them as fun and in doing so learnt more then they ever could if introduced to them later on, officially. But they feel just as good watching ponies leap and fly and they feel no embarrassment saying so.
I wish I could have felt that freedom in my studies and I hope I can gain that liberation in my life- to love what I love, just for the joy. What a lovely thing it ‘tis.
And knowing my Shakespeare, he would agree.
In fact, if he was here today, he might be tempted to write about flying ponies himself.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Adventures on the horizon....

There’s excitement flying through the Fletcher household.
As many of you know, our family is headed over to the UK this summer. It marks the international debut of my husband’s life coaching music (although he’s from the UK he’s not started practicing over there), I’ll be promoting my new book and meeting with fellow parents with a number of talks and lectures, and for our children, oh our children are restless with excitement over the adventure of their lives.
I had no idea of the impact this trip would have on our daughters. 4 years ago, after a rather nomadic life of traveling around and living on the road, we bought our run down farm as a stabilizing life for our growing children. Logically I thought it was important for them to have a permanent home where they could play, explore and build childhood memories like the ones you read of in books. And so they have. But life is ever changing and evolving and 4 years later they are ready to try a taste of adventure.
After we bought our flight tickets, our eldest daughter looked white as a ghost. I wondered whether we’d made the wrong decision, but her response was, in a whisper, “I can’t believe my dream is really coming true after all this time.” Sigh, I had to laugh to myself. Had I misjudged the situation so much?!
But, when I said restless excitement, that is actually an understatement. We have 2 months to go, and while their father and I are feeling the time tick quickly, as we make arrangements and book events, our girls are left in a state of pre-trip jitters, which feels like pre-Christmas, only 10 times worse.
“I feel unsatisfied in my present, but satisfied in my future” Our 7 year old sighed the other day. I love hearing them sum up their feelings so well.
I watch them, as they try to wrestle their anxiety to the ground. But old games wear thin when adventures are in the horizon. They get frustrated with each other, and bored in the days. They want to start packing, but sense its too early to start. Distraction, we tell them in key, and to create as happy of NOW as they can. But they are definitely sifting through the contrast, trying to find the thing that makes them feel better.
Some might have thought we should have waited to tell them of the journey until closer to the time. However, as a homeschooling family, we are so close all the time, we knew it would be impossible to keep anything from them. Whispering plans doesn’t work in our house, its upfront and above board all the time. I know our girls like it this way… I also know sometimes it drives them nuts.
Today, our eldest, who’s 8, finally buckled. She’s distracted herself through the day as best as she could, but in the end, I found her lying on the bed, under the covers in frustrated torment. Even her brother jumping joyfully beside her, couldn’t shake the stress she was feeling. The law of attraction being in its place as always, made everything be more frustrating then before. I sat with her, I hugged her, I told her I was there to help if she wanted help. I waited, I comforted some more and then I casted up a personal faith in the fact that at the right time, she would find the relief she needed, but that this was what she needed to feel right now.
Her sister called me for some help. She’d decided to distract herself by focusing on her “satisfying future”, and was researching some of English history online. When I went downstairs, I told my husband about our daughter’s struggle. I knew that with the deep connection they have, and have had since birth, that he could probably help better than I.

He went up, he talked to her, and a few minutes later her chatter could be heard. Soon they had some plans made, and downstairs they both skipped, our daughter ready to help make dinner and a dessert. She was back.
“A bit of distraction” my husband said, with a grin. But it was more then that. Yes distraction works, but it has to be given at the right time, in the right way, and as in this case, often by the right person.
We didn’t talk about it after. I joined in the chatter and made sure the burbling bubbling that was taking place in the kitchen wasn’t popped by any undue stress from a little boy or life in general. In fact, soon the whole family was back to chortling away, the house sound I love the best.
After dinner was made our eldest made up a game with our son, and they laughed together. The only acknowledgement I made to the hour before was a quick kiss on her head and telling her I was proud of her. Although her father had provided the distraction, she’d seized the opportunity and let herself be distracted. She could have banged the drum of her troubles all day long, but rather shifted gears and jumped on board. I for one know how hard that can be sometimes.
Yes, we could have not told our children right away, but I’m so glad we did. They are already on an adventure, a roller coaster. They have the “satisfying” excitement of planning and anticipation, and the downside of stressing and waiting, and preparing. Yet they also have something else, the opportunity of feeling different things, the chance to decide, no matter what, how they are going to feel and what they are going to think about. They are facing their Now’s, which suddenly look different then they did a month ago.
What a life lesson. Life is forever evolving, expanding and changing, by shifting our focus points it can be such a smoother transition. And yes, a little distraction, either by ourselves or through someone else, can be the perfect tool for focus shifting. We just have to be prepared to jump on board at some point.

But then there’s our son, who, totally oblivious to any travel plans or any future, and enjoys the adventures each day offers no matter what.