5 Tips to Feel Better Around Family Over the Holidays

It’s twelve days before Christmas and already I can feel the tension building...

Hmmm... come to think of it my shopping list is way behind... oh well. I have some general ideas brewing. I’m sure they will unfold beautifully.

Yes. That’s my approach to everything lately:  I look forward to the unfolding.

But as someone who has her three kids, spouse and dog staying in a large home with my sister and her family, other people’s approaches, traditions and functioning is foremost on my mind.

It’s a holiday tradition in itself isn’t? The feeling of uncertainty regarding family, friends and the melting pot that often turns into a pressure pot over the holiday festivities. It could almost be funny if it wasn’t so painful sometimes, as we all get that sense of dread, wondering will it all be ok.

So, I’m compiling a quick list of how to survive a family holiday gathering... a Coles notes as it were... a cheat sheet on how to keep the love flowing and everything unfolding beautifully.

1)      Find your inner connection... and be able to do it quickly.

When do you feel the best? What thoughts make you settle into a space that rings out as YOU. Within us is a space, an inner room, that we let go of everything that bothers us, stresses us and makes us feel awkward, insecure or worried. Rather we sit back in the gentle space of Who We Really Are. But often these times are fleeting, and when we find them we appreciate them, but we don’t know how we got there. When do you feel most like yourself? What thought creates that space for you?

We can all find shortcuts that trigger a feeling space of Who We Really Are, it just takes a bit of focus and good habits. Often, if we have a crystal, a piece of jewelry, a symbol or trigger point, that reminds us that of Who We Really Are and how we want to be Spiritually Aware each moment. With that simple reminder, we can jump from the reactionary space amongst our family into a grounded space, an observatory perspective, which allows us to see the situation as the whole, not as the chaos. From this space, life flows, new solutions are found and things fall into place.

2)      Not my Circus, Not my Monkeys.

One of my new favorite sayings, it really is all about what’s your business and what’s not. As family we’re usually the first to jump to a sibling’s defense (even if we haven’t a clue what they’ve been up to all year) or the first to make some little joke or comment to fill the social silence gap. But Not my Circus means- my life My monkeys means- the components of that life.

If your uncle Dave is talking about how your Aunt Sue drives him crazy and spends too much... you don’t have to take sides. Change the topic. Stay in your own circus If its anything like mine, it’s enough to handle. When we let go of other people’s business we not only shift priority to our own lives (and usually our children) we also empower people to focus on their own monkeys. This can go as far as telling yourself not to even TALK about OTHER PEOPLE! No gossip and suddenly you open yourself up to a world of better feelings and wider conversations. And it can start with just you. Not my Circus, Not my Monkeys is about empowerment for everyone, and it can start with you.

3)      Find The Third Choice.

Sleeping arrangements being argued over... be Switzerland... and rather than getting attached to one side of the argument open yourself up to another solution, be the space finder. This is done only through taking a step away from the situation, remembering that time is illusionary and nothing needs to be rushed. Sometimes we all get so caught up to make a point it seems like whoever speaks the loudest and fastest wins. Breathe, take a step away, find some quiet, offer the problem up and ask for a solution. You might find that while everyone else was spinning around, life unfolded in your space and ideas flowed in. Everyone else will have wasted their breath and emotional focus, and you simply let it be and evolve.

4)      Each for Each.

Diversity is a gift. When we allow others to think differently, believe differently, live differently, we create a space where we get to do the same thing. Also, the law of attraction kicks in as well. We truly do get what we give. The Golden Rule, of Treating People The Way We WANT to be Treated, does literally work. When we acknowledge that another person’s way isn’t Our Way, but ok for them, we send out the feeling space of love, understanding, compassion and acceptance. By living in that space, we radiate that energy out, and create more of the same. We always get what we put out.

Therefore the old saying of Each for Each is What I Teach, isn’t just for children in a nursery rhyme, rather it’s a quick reminder that “seclusion isn’t inclusion it’s the stretching of the void.” Judgement and criticism can never create peace, especially within ourselves.

5)      The Magic is in The Moment

Our children are so good at knowing and living in the pursuit of feeling good. They know that if it feels Off, it’s Off. We spend the rest of their childhood trying to convince them they have it wrong... when really they’ve got it right. By following how something feels we live in awareness of each moment. It doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t do what we need to do, but we take a step aside to focus differently, place ourselves in our inner room, or wait a bit before jumping in.

 Our children do this by living in their moment and it is a child’s Moment that matters. It is the little cuddles Christmas Eve that feel the warmest, rather than the big dinner. It’s the icing cookies, or watching candles flicker that create the best memories.

Most of the stress we create perpetuates around the big deals we feel we need to create for our children and family, finding that perfect gift, creating that perfect memory, when by letting life unfold, and enjoying the little moments, we create bigger moments full of magic... naturally. Also, when we other family members, when we are taking care of the moment, focusing on the little joys with our children, we create a bubble around us and our  kids. We share looks, laughs and exchanges, we connect with them, rather than being distracted by the bigger picture. Life flows.

There they are. 5 quick tips to a Happy Family Holiday Experience. 

With them, I would like to extend this invitation: Create a New Experience This Year.

So often each holiday get together is exactly the same, even down to the trimmings. If we don’t get along with Grandma and she makes us feel the same now as she did when we were ten, there’s a bit of a reason. We always get the energy we expect, as, when we remember an experience, we create that space and emit it. Then we get it back again. Law of Attraction Strikes.(if you want more detail on how to alter your attraction point for the holidays, I cover it fully on my audio course.) Therefore, set a different stage. Invite a different experience in. Focus on the positive aspects, change the feeling and expectation, shake it up.. and see what happens.

Here’s to Happy thoughts, dreams, and focuses and may they create a beautiful New Year!

Check out Christina’s Audio Course- Taking the Stress out of the Holidays and take part in the 75% discount using the code holidayspirit to get it for $19 in time for the holiday rush.