5 steps to building on Self Awareness (as the first step towards mindful living)

It's becoming pretty mainstream to practice some form of mindfulness nowadays. Even within our schools, meditation or focus time are replacing the traditional standards of detention or lines in some states and provinces. There is a growing understanding that mindfulness and calm create better mental health and prepares our children to deal with the chaos and turmoil our world can often offer.

But how do we create a solid foundation in mindfulness for our children... not just the action of it?

I mean, it's a wonderful step in the right direction to get children to sit quietly and listen to a guided meditation, or to focus on their breathing but how do we build the awareness for each child so they can appreciate the actual purpose for doing so?

It's a bit like teaching a child how to do math, but not actually helping them understand the reason why they need it or when to apply it within life.

It could also be seen as the philosophy of giving a child a fish to feed them for a day... giving them calm for a moment so their day is successful.

When we have the ability to teach them how to fish and feed them for a lifetime. Our children can be the generation to use mindfulness and conscious living as daily and lifetime tools for happiness.

I can feel you call me an idealist, but honestly, I feel there's one small shift in how we present mindfulness that will make all the difference.

We just need to pass on Self Awareness first.

Self-awareness gives us the navigation skills to sense when we need meditation, when we need positive focus when we could do with quiet or when we would be best to dance out our stresses. Self-awareness works alongside mindfulness to create presence and conscious living, allowing ourselves to sense when we are starting to get stressed or upset by observing rather than reacting.

Imagine when you were a child having the tools to sense when you could do with some quiet time rather than being “told” you need it. Imagine feeling that stress within you to the point of exploding and being able to find your breath and shift to feeling better. How would that have prepared you for the rest of your life?

Sure, maybe I'm an idealist sometimes. We all have off days and we can all jump off the awareness train when life get's busy. But I called this business Spiritual Aware Parenting for the reason that even when we're off, even when we're stressed, even when we aren't thriving, we're aware of the fact that mindfulness can be a tool to help us get back on. We're aware of our own offness when we practice Self Awareness and self knowledge for a little while, which makes hoping back On all the easier.

So, what does that mean? How do we pass on Self Awareness to our children as a foundation for mindful living.

1. Practice it yourself. Example is key within Spiritual/peaceful parenting. Verbally say you are going to get quiet to “feel more like yourself” when you start to get stressed. Journal, create energy focuses with music, find your joy and follow your bliss. Become aware of Who You Are and How to Step into Your Light.

2. Talk about emotions and preferences. Ask for your child's opinions and listen to them.
   Opinions and preferences are extensions of perspectives and perspectives are extensions of self expression, which comes from self-awareness.
3. Open up to a range of experiences and discuss how they feel. Go on nature walks and simply Be. Watch calming movies/shows after watching something faster or louder. Do something that makes you feel excited or exhilarated and compare it to cuddling together reading a book. Contrast builds awareness to how we feel and what we resonate with.
4. Create and explore curiosity. It's easy to brush aside a child's questions during the day, but breaking rhythms and exploring with them opens life up and allows you both to grow and learn.
5. Quiet bedtimes. Consider bringing bedtime 30- 45 minutes forward so you can create it as mindfulness time without calling it that. Make it your own time for presence as well as your child's. Let the energy of the house shift, slowing down and unwinding from the day. Read happy stories and listen to your child's. Allow the energy and peace flow through your home moment by moment and watch as your child adapts to it, becoming aware of how things change in feeling and how it affects them.

Self/Spiritual awareness is about presenting opportunities to feel, observe ourselves, and experience life.

It's about Aha moments. :) It's about thriving rather than surviving.

I'm so passionate about passing on self/spiritual awareness to children (Some people ask why I put self and spirit together... the reason is simply this. We are all Spiritual Beings having a physical experience, not the other way around. Therefore, true self awareness is spiritual awareness.)

That's why there's a whole section dedicated to Self Awareness within my Spiritual Kids course.. to help lay the foundation. Then there's the emotional awareness section as well, which creates a deeper foundation to our children knowing Who They Really Are, and that's not even counting the meditation section. I created the course so Spiritual awareness could be created in layers, step by step... for you as well as your child.

(I actually have had a lot of parents tell me that they've enjoyed the content just as much as their children have. We can all be Spiritual Kids.)

Spiritual Kids is available from the website and there's a special promo on at the moment as well, where if you enroll in Spiritual Kids you also get the mini course “Go from Too Busy to Play to Connection with Your Children.” which is a 7 day e-course delivered to your inbox with exercises and videos to help you be more present with your children even with a long to-do list.

5 Steps to Becoming The Parent You Want to Be

Last week I heard something that blew my mind.

Do you want to know one of the greatest parts of ourselves that hold us back?

What do you think it is? What holds each of us back from becoming the people, the parents, we want to be?

Give up?

Homeostasis.

I’ll let that penny drop for a moment.

Yeah, homeostasis. That system within ourselves that keeps us within our comfort zone... or rather the practiced zone. That system that cools us down when we are too hot and warms us up when we’re too cold. That natural system that keeps us regulated, is also the thing that prevents us from achieving our own self improvement.

Has that hit you as strongly as it did me?

I mean, I’ve always felt that. It makes complete sense. I just never saw it that clearly. I’ve always thought that as Spirits we wanted to achieve more; that we are always learning and growing. I’ve often wondered what force was behind the holding back sensation, the part of us that sighs, goes back to bed and says “I’ll start that new habit tomorrow.”

So, 80% of us wants to stay the same. I don’t mean 80% of us as a group, I mean 80% of ourselves.

We program ourselves to stay the same.

So, each time we react to our children, each time we don’t bother making a list of positive aspects, every time we see through a negative perspective or criticize another even though we feel bad about it... it’ s because there’s a huge part of us that is telling ourselves....

Don’t change. Keep the Same.

I don’t know about you... but on one side that can really upset me, I could feel hopeless and deflated.

But on the other side it empowers me to the hilt.

 Wait, that little voice that encourages me to not bother, or keeps me in my negative patterns is just myself trying to find balance and homeostasis? I can reprogram THAT!

I can now see it for what it really is. I don’t have to listen to it logically break down and convince me to just follow my spirals or bad moods. I don’t have to believe it, and I can darn well ignore it.

In fact, it makes me want to do everything differently. Call me a rebel! LOL

So, with the knowledge that a huge part of us wants to resist any change, I’ve compiled a simple list of 5 top ways of sparking the change we want to see within ourselves; From more positive parenting moments to more self care, let’s take control of our stories!

1)      Do something small. One small change practiced for 2-3 weeks. Do it at the same time every day. Try writing down 5 positive aspects about your day every night before bed. Make sure you do it EVERY NIGHT for at least 2 weeks. New habit.

2)      Support- I’ve learnt that nothing is more incredible than accountability. Share with your partner. Find a friend or group that wants to do the same thing. Tell people on a Favorite Facebook Group (Like the Spiritually Aware Parenting one)or start a group yourself. Anyway create accountability and someone will be there to remind you to keep your promise to yourself.

3)      Have a reminder. From post-its around the house to alarms on your phone do something that is going to break you out of your own sightlines. We all need reminders (remember 80% of ourselves is going to insist we forget.)

4)      Shift it around. If you usually try to clean up before having time with the kids, switch it. Play first. Have fun with it. Eat Lunch food for Dinner and dinner for lunch. Heck, try desert first. Why, because we get to choose, right? I mean you won’t know why it doesn’t work until you try it! Break small routines even just once and you can say you’ve done it. Spirit loves spontaneity!

5)      Forgive yourself. So often we fall back into bad habits and give up for a lost job. But with 80% of your mental programming telling you to give up, then you know that its just neural pathways that need re-programming. Forgive yourself, let it go and get back at it again in the morning.

Remember, our minds can be like wild animals (or chattering monkeys!)  and the best way to train them is with love and gentle guidance. Once we’ve allowed our mind to re-focus onto the direction we want, the rest is easy. It’s just that first break. That first step in control and with so many more people pursuing mindful living, you can always find the support system that works for you. So take that first step... and then take it one step at a time.

Mindfulness and Running on Empty

You want to know something really funny.

As someone who will be talking about mindfulness in parenting in the upcoming Get Happy Project (Which you should definitely sign up for!) ... as someone who coaches parents about mindful parenting and someone who writes, eats, sleeps, and parents... with mindfulness as a foundational philosophy....

I’ve rarely written about it on this blog. Sigh.

Life can be funny sometimes.

So, let’s talk about it here and now. What is mindfulness or does it go deeper than that?

There are so many ways I feel can describe a mindful living... or an aware living.

Living in awareness to Who We Really Are, allows us to bump our mindful practices up in the list of priorities. Being aware of who we are, is like knowing that there is this phenomenal room, a place of quiet, peace and a sense of everything we are, that when we enter it we know we will be refueled and refreshed.

It could also be described as the inner gas station.

If you are aware that there’s as gas station down the street, and you start to run out of petrol... you won’t hesitate in fueling up.

Self awareness, mindfulness is the process of filling up your tank or of retreating to your inner room so you can continue through your day as your truest self. It helps create patience, clarity, relief and joy.

But it also creates the space where you can feel the stress, acknowledge the tension and sense of overwhelment, and shift it around. Spiritual awareness and mindfulness don’t automatically create a happier existence rather it puts you back in the driver’s seat capable of putting focus on feeling better and finding calm, happiness and perspective.

So, what are some techniques for mindfulness? Well, first of all, finding the sense of awareness.

Awareness begins by simply observing yourself and learning who you are. What triggers your stress, what jumps you into appreciation, who are you when your eyes are closed and life quiets for a moment...

Meditation is about setting the stage for that observation.

Life is hectic, and fast and throw children and chores on top of it all and our heads can go, we spin out of control as we attempt to listen to everyone, play, organize, drive, and keep things flowing. We feel energies deplete and focus scatter... if we are aware enough to know how it feels.

Three simple steps to get started are;

Close your eyes.

 Breathe Deeply. 

Let the energy fall from your tense head, down through your body to your feet.

Repeat.

You become yourself... fully you. Mindful of you. Drawing yourself into the moment and becoming present.

And now, you can continue through the day. Simply by stopping like this, you are telling your true self “I know you are there. What would you do?” You are acknowledging your own mindfulness.

Mindful practice ranges in so many ways; from this sort of observation, to watching a sunset... or a sunrise, to a sitting meditation for a few moments, to a walking meditation, to dancing or singing, or shifting focus to a garden, music, or coloring... anything that achieves a space where you can be yourself and retreat to the inner room within your spiritual self. It is the key to your inner room, and from there, life flows more, solutions click into place and we perceive our children’s own inner workings with so much more clarity.

There is a golden moment when we drop into a space of ourselves. When we connect to our deeper source, our sense of divine and understand it to be a truer sense of ourselves and when that truer sense is driving the car of our family, we know we are all in safer hands and will go further...

Than if we hadn’t stopped to fuel up.

It’s not about having time or not. It’s not about bothering. Rather it’s about forming a habit like eating healthier to give your body energy, you are doing a spirit check to give your soul energy.

This is the foundational belief of mindful parenting... and Spiritual Aware Parenting.

And yes, sometimes we forget to fuel up. Sometimes we get stressed and run out of gas somewhere between overwhelmed and flipping out.

But if we’ve practiced the awareness of how we like to feel and how it feels to be Who We Really Are... we remember...

And we call ourselves back to ourselves, one breath at a time.

By the way... The Get Happy Project is going to be an incredible online summit, with guests specializing in a range of self care techniques and trainings. Definitely sign up and I'll see you there! :) 

Taking Care of Your Story

 Everyone... yes, everyone... will occasionally find life challenging and yes, that includes our children who have a hard time, through new experiences, growing pains, learning curves, lost toys, scrapped knees or  friends.

Sometimes, we can find ourselves overwhelmed, juggling too many balls in the air to count and wondering how to keep things afloat.

And sometimes, we all feel a good vent is a great and healthy thing.

Of course.

And it is. It really is. It’s good to put all the ducks in a row and really get through the cloud of what’s bothering us and state it loud and clear.

Name it well.

But the next step is often forgotten, because once the issue that’s troubling us is out in the open, two things happen.

First, it can easily become our story for ourselves. We’ve told it once, and now it keeps happening, and we see evidence that backs it up all over the place. We’ve complained that no one ever picks up after themselves... next morning, there are toys all over the living room... In becoming part of our story it is part of the fabric of our lives... the law of attraction takes hold, bringing in more of the feeling we carry, the focus we hold. unless we choose not to let it.

Second of all, it becomes our story for other people.

How often have we vented everything out to a friend or family member and then next week, when we’ve adjusted and felt better, they notice something in our experience...

“Oh yeah, they are messy, aren’t they? Just look at the mess.”

A lovely story reminder... our perspective has shifted and suddenly we see the mess again.

Or, when life is especially full of balls to juggle, subtle comments like..

“I don’t know how you do it?” can make us question ourselves.

“hmmm. I don’t know how I do it either.”

Comments which may come from a place of support actually ring out as something much different. The focus becomes about how well we deal in struggle... but the struggle is what is the basic theme.

It also happens with our children. When they feel unpopular at school, or feel like they can’t do well at something. When they lose things or go through a hard time. We can see their upset as their story and alter things to “support” them, only to hold them in a place of that painful moment. We want to validate how they feel, but in the meantime, can hold them in the space of that feeling, rather than helping them shift to something new.

There was an Abraham Hicks Quote about this on their facebook page today it read;

“The greatest gift you could give to anyone you love, is the gift of positive expectation.”

Imagine, if every complaint or vent, was a stop sign, a reset button. A sign that said;

This is how it’s been and because of that, I know another story.”

And the new story was what was supported and nurtured.

What if we had the capacity of holding space for others to the point of seeing what they have created from what they have experienced?

What if every messy house conversation bounced off to a place of appreciating and supporting each attempt at keeping clean? What if every one of our children’s disappointments bounced off to a place of looking for opportunities of wellbeing flowing in?

And what if each problem created a support system for the seeking of a solution.

We don’t want to push positive to the point of denial... pushing a happy face on our children to the point of burying their pain. That’s not going to create any happy journeys. Rather, the razor edge path is about gradually shifting from a place of upset, banging the drum of disappointment, and when it feels like it’s just hit that point of enough... shift to solution based, trust in wellbeing, gradually moving towards feeling good vibration. I call my process the At Least Game.

It’s not that difficult and I want to quickly offer a focus point to do it with your children. You might have heard me mention it before, but it’s a good reminder.

Simply start 5 sentences with the words At Least.

Try it. You can’t help but feel a shift in feeling space. The tension feels less tense. The juggling seems less overwhelming. Even the mess seems less messy (at least my room is clean. At least no one did any baking. At least I have a vaccum, at least I can play awesome music through the house. At least I have a family to make that mess.)

And, what a way to hold space for other people too; for friends, neighbors, anyone who is upset... for our children.

Take care of your story, which is created by the story you tell yourself. Every story has struggle, but only for character development. The stories are only happy when focused on the solution.

Between Plans you find Help

So here’s the thing.

I was writing a little post... um ok, a rather long post... on sensitive children and tapping into their deeper essence, while offering tools for awareness to them... and then my computer had an issue and needed to restart. Post was lost. Yeah, sometimes I’m bad at saving drafts.

So, when I restarted and realized the post was no where I was faced with two options. Go back and re-type, or chalk it up as Someone telling me, the piece wasn’t working.

The piece wasn’t working. The ideas were there, the words were not. It’s been a bit of a week, with a son having some teeth issues and life being a little on the weird side. The writing spirits weren’t flowing and I knew it as I tried to plow on.

When it crashed there was a sense of relief. Now I can write inspired from something right here, right now.

Bloggers will tell you to plan a bit ahead. But most parents know, life is what happens between plans and that’s just the way it should be.

So, today, let’s talk about if something ain’t working, try a different angle.

And if you can’t fix it, open up to a solution.

It might have been just a blogpost, but really lately I’ve been consciously aware of how openness to life creates new opportunities in every direction and resistance, or pushing on something, is more prevalent than we think, and in the openness more examples are presenting themselves.

But the more we focus, push, try and force something into existence, the more we are screaming to the universe “I NEED THIS NOW!” And we all know how hard it is to give something to a whiny child. For some reason, when a child whines, we want to do the opposite to what they want.

Well, the universe feels the same. In fact, because we are screaming we NEED this or that... that’s what the universe hears “NEED”. So that’s what the universe gives. We just keep on needing it.

So, when things aren’t working, our spirit gets all cramped up and tries to send up a little nudge with the feeling of tension or stress. “stop,” she whispers “this isn’t the way.”

As we push forward, oozing the work out of ourselves like toothpaste from the tube, spirit sighs, and whispers “I’ll wait over here. Where it feels good.”

When we turn our attention from what’s giving us that hassle, when we stop the forcing, searching, stressing, worrying or simply needing, and focus instead on Openness, Spirit jumps up and says... “Now we can flow.”

When we feel better and release, we can rely on “fairy help” as one FB group member called it. The universal powers jump in behind us and say, “we’ve got you covered.”

And because we’re not focused on Need... we’re focused on Openness, freedom and presence,

We have an open window for solutions to flow in.

So, where does this come in with parenting?

Everywhere.

From sleepless nights to breastfeeding issues. From children getting into trouble to a messy house. To children taking parents for granted or teenagers worrying us sick.

Truly, we push buttons of NEED all over the place. The minute we stop, the other penny drops and solutions become focused.

We just have to remember it at each overwhelming time, each stressful moment.

Pressure and stress are our spirit’s way of saying “I can’t go there.”

Ironically the hardest part is the letting go. We are programmed to want to fix things and the more we want or try, the less we can.

It’s in the space of letting go that in-spirit-ation strikes and we suddenly feel a pull to the right action.

We struggle, flapping against the water as we feel ourselves sinking, but in the moment of floating and a bit of space, we are lifted and carried to shore.

Or we find that we were drowning in about an inch of water and we can stand up with ease.

Fairy help, universal flow, angels, Source. We can be problem focused or solution allowing.

The 3 Sources of Guilt

So over the past few weeks we’ve been looking at guilt and how to listen to your own inner guidance webinar, but in truth I know how a scheduled event can cause stress and a replay can sit there for awhile, always as a “I should watch that.”

system. I presented the three sources of guilt to you in the

(ugh, and then that leads to feeling guilty for not watching something about feeling guilty! That really takes the cake.)

So, I wanted to share with you the basic points discussed on Saturday, just for quick reference.

Because that’s what guilt is about. It’s about reference. It’s about knowing the sources of the guilty feelings and then weighing it up to see if it resonates with your authentic self.

So, here are the three types of guilt we discussed the other day:

Socially Implied- the feeling of the raised eyebrow when your house is messy. The feeling of your mother’s eyes on you when let your child down from the table without finishing dinner, or the feeling of ickiness when your child is having a tantrum in public. Socially implied guilt comes from all sorts of directions and comes from when others, (friends, family or strangers) suggests we are doing it all wrong and we absorb it as truth. We feel guilty and are suddenly sneaking around breastfeeding or shuttering when our children don’t say excuse me that ONE TIME. We also find it when we assume others are thinking things about us, even if we know its true or not. When we feel people are thinking we are losing it or not doing a good job, when we allow those reflections to undermine ourselves.

Remedy- Reminding ourselves that everyone else has their own journey and that this is our own, frees ourselves to make our own mistakes and try out our own approaches. “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” Times have changed and our parents approaches, or our grandparents’, were based on adifferent understanding of what a parent is. Therefore, why should they understand why we are trying something different. Children being seen and not heard still has a ghost like presence in the minds of so many and when children are taught to be the people they really are, it can scare others that they did it wrong. Trust in your own processes and know yourself. Trust in other people to have their own processes, life journeys and mistakes... even if they don’t get it from their perspective.

Personally Inflicted- Probably more deepseeded than Socially implied, personally inflicted guilt is generated within ourselves. We can have a concept of a “Parent’s” job and, because its thought through and not based on an authentic version of ourselves, it becomes full of “should’s” I should be able to work, play, discipline, cook, clean, mend, drive, schedule, sew, afford and love... and practice mindfulness, self care, meditation and yoga. When we miss a step on our imagined “should”, we feel guilt, which can then lead to a feeling of failure, unworthiness, and insecurity. It’s a spiral of guilt, which leads to us trying to do everything and doing nothing, and watering ourselves down in the process. We miss out on our authentic parenting experience, because we are too busy trying to be something impossible to be.

Remedy- Drop deep within yourself and allow yourself to be the person you came to be. Take a moment to release yourself from the prison you’ve created in your mind, observe your life experience rather than trying to control it. Who Are You and what’s authentic to you? When you allow yourself to show up as yourself you can feel your way to the best choices and decisions. Don’t like cooking... your child really won’t suffer if you can’t bake a cake, they just don’t like hunger. Don’t sew... then don’t. Can’t find time to meditate, realize that even focused play can be mind altering meditation, when you align in you moment and focus on fun. Be you, find you and radiate as You. And forgive yourself for those things that are someone else’s journey.

Spiritually Indicated

Not a guilt at all. Rather, it is the an indicator of our inner guidance system.

We are spiritual beings and our spirits are always there giving a heads up, directions and a general sense of GPS. When we start down a road that won’t lead to the right direction, we have a fellow driver that gives a nudge and says.. “not this way, turn around.”

Its not berating or mean, it will never undermine our intelligence or make us cry. Rather its simply a nudge in the right direction. It feels good when we acknowledge it.

Spiritually indicted “guilt”, is felt not thought. It builds us up, not knock us down. It supports Who we Really Are and doesn’t ask us to blend in.

It shows up when we’ve practiced being spiritually aware and built up our sense of where we’re heading.

In fact, it is the remedy... it doesn’t need one... because it’s not a negative feeling.

It comes from love.

During the webinar we also talked a bit about the law of attraction and how guilt can become an attraction point and about neural passage, with guilt becoming a habitual pattern.

So, now what?

Well, freeing yourself from guilt is truly about setting yourself free... no one can do it for you... but you can have support to start re-programming how you feel about your choices and making sure you are coming from your authentic self.

I’m trying to find the best way to support you on this journey and one way I’m offering is through a 4 week program for 8 participants. We’ll meet each Saturday and have a private FB group too, so we can really dig deep and change some negative chatter which feeds the guilt. It starts June 4^th, just in time for Summer break and right now is only $77 USD for all 4 weeks. That’s less than $20 a session and you’ll be having 1;1 time in the sessions, discussing your specific scenario, within a supportive group of people feeling the same way.

I’m really hoping we can take our community to this next level. It’s going to be so liberating and exciting to work together.

For more information you can visit here. Registration takes place there as well or you can email me at Christina@spirituallyawareparenting.com with any questions.

5 Tips to Feel Better Around Family Over the Holidays

It’s twelve days before Christmas and already I can feel the tension building...

Hmmm... come to think of it my shopping list is way behind... oh well. I have some general ideas brewing. I’m sure they will unfold beautifully.

Yes. That’s my approach to everything lately:  I look forward to the unfolding.

But as someone who has her three kids, spouse and dog staying in a large home with my sister and her family, other people’s approaches, traditions and functioning is foremost on my mind.

It’s a holiday tradition in itself isn’t? The feeling of uncertainty regarding family, friends and the melting pot that often turns into a pressure pot over the holiday festivities. It could almost be funny if it wasn’t so painful sometimes, as we all get that sense of dread, wondering will it all be ok.

So, I’m compiling a quick list of how to survive a family holiday gathering... a Coles notes as it were... a cheat sheet on how to keep the love flowing and everything unfolding beautifully.

1)      Find your inner connection... and be able to do it quickly.

When do you feel the best? What thoughts make you settle into a space that rings out as YOU. Within us is a space, an inner room, that we let go of everything that bothers us, stresses us and makes us feel awkward, insecure or worried. Rather we sit back in the gentle space of Who We Really Are. But often these times are fleeting, and when we find them we appreciate them, but we don’t know how we got there. When do you feel most like yourself? What thought creates that space for you?

We can all find shortcuts that trigger a feeling space of Who We Really Are, it just takes a bit of focus and good habits. Often, if we have a crystal, a piece of jewelry, a symbol or trigger point, that reminds us that of Who We Really Are and how we want to be Spiritually Aware each moment. With that simple reminder, we can jump from the reactionary space amongst our family into a grounded space, an observatory perspective, which allows us to see the situation as the whole, not as the chaos. From this space, life flows, new solutions are found and things fall into place.

2)      Not my Circus, Not my Monkeys.

One of my new favorite sayings, it really is all about what’s your business and what’s not. As family we’re usually the first to jump to a sibling’s defense (even if we haven’t a clue what they’ve been up to all year) or the first to make some little joke or comment to fill the social silence gap. But Not my Circus means- my life My monkeys means- the components of that life.

If your uncle Dave is talking about how your Aunt Sue drives him crazy and spends too much... you don’t have to take sides. Change the topic. Stay in your own circus If its anything like mine, it’s enough to handle. When we let go of other people’s business we not only shift priority to our own lives (and usually our children) we also empower people to focus on their own monkeys. This can go as far as telling yourself not to even TALK about OTHER PEOPLE! No gossip and suddenly you open yourself up to a world of better feelings and wider conversations. And it can start with just you. Not my Circus, Not my Monkeys is about empowerment for everyone, and it can start with you.

3)      Find The Third Choice.

Sleeping arrangements being argued over... be Switzerland... and rather than getting attached to one side of the argument open yourself up to another solution, be the space finder. This is done only through taking a step away from the situation, remembering that time is illusionary and nothing needs to be rushed. Sometimes we all get so caught up to make a point it seems like whoever speaks the loudest and fastest wins. Breathe, take a step away, find some quiet, offer the problem up and ask for a solution. You might find that while everyone else was spinning around, life unfolded in your space and ideas flowed in. Everyone else will have wasted their breath and emotional focus, and you simply let it be and evolve.

4)      Each for Each.

Diversity is a gift. When we allow others to think differently, believe differently, live differently, we create a space where we get to do the same thing. Also, the law of attraction kicks in as well. We truly do get what we give. The Golden Rule, of Treating People The Way We WANT to be Treated, does literally work. When we acknowledge that another person’s way isn’t Our Way, but ok for them, we send out the feeling space of love, understanding, compassion and acceptance. By living in that space, we radiate that energy out, and create more of the same. We always get what we put out.

Therefore the old saying of Each for Each is What I Teach, isn’t just for children in a nursery rhyme, rather it’s a quick reminder that “seclusion isn’t inclusion it’s the stretching of the void.” Judgement and criticism can never create peace, especially within ourselves.

5)      The Magic is in The Moment

Our children are so good at knowing and living in the pursuit of feeling good. They know that if it feels Off, it’s Off. We spend the rest of their childhood trying to convince them they have it wrong... when really they’ve got it right. By following how something feels we live in awareness of each moment. It doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t do what we need to do, but we take a step aside to focus differently, place ourselves in our inner room, or wait a bit before jumping in.

 Our children do this by living in their moment and it is a child’s Moment that matters. It is the little cuddles Christmas Eve that feel the warmest, rather than the big dinner. It’s the icing cookies, or watching candles flicker that create the best memories.

Most of the stress we create perpetuates around the big deals we feel we need to create for our children and family, finding that perfect gift, creating that perfect memory, when by letting life unfold, and enjoying the little moments, we create bigger moments full of magic... naturally. Also, when we other family members, when we are taking care of the moment, focusing on the little joys with our children, we create a bubble around us and our  kids. We share looks, laughs and exchanges, we connect with them, rather than being distracted by the bigger picture. Life flows.

There they are. 5 quick tips to a Happy Family Holiday Experience. 

With them, I would like to extend this invitation: Create a New Experience This Year.

So often each holiday get together is exactly the same, even down to the trimmings. If we don’t get along with Grandma and she makes us feel the same now as she did when we were ten, there’s a bit of a reason. We always get the energy we expect, as, when we remember an experience, we create that space and emit it. Then we get it back again. Law of Attraction Strikes.(if you want more detail on how to alter your attraction point for the holidays, I cover it fully on my audio course.) Therefore, set a different stage. Invite a different experience in. Focus on the positive aspects, change the feeling and expectation, shake it up.. and see what happens.

Here’s to Happy thoughts, dreams, and focuses and may they create a beautiful New Year!

Check out Christina’s Audio Course- Taking the Stress out of the Holidays and take part in the 75% discount using the code holidayspirit to get it for $19 in time for the holiday rush.

Opportunities in Disappointments

Her eyes filled with tears when she found out she didn’t get the role she wanted in the local theatre production and my first reaction was to go ask the director why she hadn’t and demand to give her what she wanted. I bite my tongue while she cried in my arms.

The extremes of parenting:  a few generations ago kids were told to toughen up, the world wasn’t run for them and they shouldn’t expect special treatment, now we run around them, trying to make everything perfect for them, telling them they can achieve anything, attract anything, do anything. We tell them the sky’s the limit and then run around killing ourselves trying to prove it and make it happen.

Extremes of anything aren’t healthy and its time we stopped kidding ourselves. We aren’t in charge of our children’s lives and maybe it’s time we had more faith in their capabilities.

It’s never a question of toughening up, but it’s time we remind ourselves that we are fueling the instant gratification fire of the 21^st century within our children. They are used to Ask and receive at the lightening speed of putting food in the microwave, seeing new movies online and having questions answered at their finger tips. They have a fast flow of in and out, interested to bored, want to can’t be bothered. On the other hand, we are the generation of parents who know it’s not healthy to let them cry it out when they were babies (it’s now scientifically backed up), but we carry that though into their teens. We don’t like to see them upset, we don’t want them to cry, and it hurts us to see them disappointed. So we’ll do anything in our power to make sure.... what? To make sure they are never unhappy?

But we are also the generation that knows we are instilling beliefs and values into our children by how we live. We can’t offer them the Suck it up, life’s hard line, it goes against a deeper truth we are aware of. Life is full of infinite possibilities, it is possible to live our dreams and dance like no one is watching. It’s our generational mantra. It’s also something carved out for ourselves...by ourselves. We can’t do it with our Mommy holding our hand, taking anyone down who gets in our way.

What we often forget is that the more we try to make everything fall into place for each of our children’s smallest wishes and desires, the more we try to push ahead for them, the more we create a message that says “you can’t do this without me.” The more we stop the tears of disappointment with promises to always make it alright, solidifies the idea that what the want is the only way it can go, without any openness to what could come as pleasant surprises.

We don’t have to be the principal of the school of hardknocks. We don’t have to administer the disappointment, but we don’t have to prevent it either. We can build up our children’s sense of self value and their life time tools by reminding them that, yes, things might not be going their way, they might not be getting what they want, but what they are getting might turn out better than they could ever imagine.

                My daughter took the role. She had rehearsals with people other than her friends and she seized her offered moment as a gift, rather than an insult. She rose to an opportunity, while I know I would have turned it down flat at her age. I would have been determined to have what I wanted and nothing but. Her opening night was last night and she came out of the theatre laughing and happy. She’s met new friends, had an amazing first performance and decided the role she thought she had wanted wouldn’t have really worked for her. She’s friends with the director and is looking forward to many more performances. Better yet, she’s grown in her perception of herself and how to be herself at the same time as letting life offer her chances rather than seeing them as disappointments.

Yes, there are truly times when our children become the teachers and we get to sit back and watch in awe. Our children, like ourselves,  know that life is for embracing not judging and disappointment is when we are telling the universe that it has no idea what it’s doing. But deep down we know, we may not like it, but we know: The Universe Always knows what its doing.