Positive Parenting when it gets tough!

I’ll be honest, when I first started on the road of “positive parenting", I had no idea there was a term for it.
I’d never heard of “attachment” parenting or “RIE”… all I knew was that when I got mad or frustrated with my children it felt horrible… and my instincts told me that it felt horrible because I was just mad my kids weren’t doing what I wanted them to do, and that made me feel like a bad parent. .
 At the root of it all, I was needing them to change to make me happy.
Which meant I was telling them that other people were the cause of our happiness or unhappiness. I would raise people who couldn't find their own inner joy. 

(Check out this amazing Positive Parenting Course Bundle available NOW... but only until Wednesday Nov. 29th! (over $1000 worth of positive parenting courses for $97!)

So, I had to find a different path which would build: 
1) A positive parenting relationship between myself and my kids.
2) A perspective of parenting which offered the positive message for my children that they were perfect just as they are.
​ And
 3) A positive perspective of myself. I had to learn that I was allowed to be Me… with all my foibles and isms, that make me ME.
When a child sees their parent being authentic, they know they are allowed to be themselves.
And for me, that’s what positive parenting really is… actually that’s what positive Living really is.

But then, we have the actual parenting part. It can be so easy to research positive parenting, but the application can be so much more complicated

. Life gets messy. Life can get Really Messy. How do we navigate through that? What are the steps we can take to be Positive Parents, especially at busy times and holiday times when the pressure is on?

If you noticed my number 3 above, you’ll see I had to find a positive perspective of myself. I had to be Me. When I could connect to being me and not some superficial concept of “mom” I had the foundation to fall back on. The lens to put on. The connection to call upon when life gets tough. 
And it does get tough. Life is fast. Sometimes things chug along in all blissfulness, but a child will have an off day. They will get stressed and so will we, but that's often where the learning takes place.
 That is actually a huge part of positive parenting: understanding that even the tough moments have purpose.

In each off, tempery, fiery, crazy and chaotic moment with our kids, we know that we can stop in our tracks. Its ok to have an off moment and to feel anxious, worried, or sad. It’s an opportunity to learn and grow together. Negative emotion is nothing more than an indicator that we aren’t seeing through our spiritual perspective. If we try to push the indicator away, we can’t listen to it.

OK… but some real tips… How can we positively parent in the rush of it all?

1) First, know that energy matches energy, so when a child is frantic, we can practice finding our inner calm, breathing deep and bringing in a different feeling space of love. We don’t have to go into the situation with panic and trailblazing.
Our children might be scared of their own feelings. With us remaining grounded will support them and light the path back to stability.

2) Listen. Listening to our children’s experiences, emotions and thoughts gives them a space to express and explore what they really are going through.

3) And then offer. We can offer tools to feel better, we can offer a hug… we can even offer solutions like quiet spaces or car rides to leave the situation entirely. But also, when our children are in disagreement with us we can offer them our WHY. Because often the very reason they say no to us is because they don't understand what we are suggesting, or they are trapped in their own thought processes. 
Give opportunity to shift to a better feeling space, without forcing them to feel better. Shine a light in the emotional darkness.

Positive parenting means that our children don’t have to navigate who they are alone. They can explore themselves and the world of emotions and life supported and held.

Also… always remember that children live in the moment. 
The future and past are abstract concepts and often feel overwhelming. This is why holidays and celebrations often don’t work for young children, because the moment of seeing beautiful snowflakes can be just as exciting and wondrous for a small child as any Christmas morning… so… we can remind ourselves to see the wonder in every moment as well. We can train ourselves to see through the eyes of a child and enjoy the world for its everyday… not just on a special day.

I think the most beautiful part about positive parenting vs conventional parenting is the knowledge that it isn’t about getting results from our children, rather acknowledging the journey we are all on.
When we want our children to give results (such as good behavior and manners)for our own comfort we skip all the important steps that the challenging moments can offer us. But when we remember the journey of life and look for the tools of love and support we can offer them, our parenting becomes a foundation building experience, which leads to the confident, loving and positive focused adults our children can become.

(Positive parenting is such a wide, exciting topic and appears in so many ways. It’s a wonderful experience to explore and consistently learn about it. This Monday (27th) to Wednesday (29th) you have an amazing opportunity to expand your positive parenting toolbox.
You can get over $1000 worth of positive parenting courses and all their material for only $97 with this Premium Positive Parenting E-course Bundle.. This is really a once in a lifetime sort of chance, with courses by Dr. Laura Markham and other amazing experts. and I can’t encourage you enough to check it out.)

A Simple Tool for Self Care and Being Present.

I want to tell you about a little process I call the Octopus Effect.

See, we're all incredibly busy. As parents, we are systematically known for feeling scattered and overwhelmed. We run about, like toddlers, often after toddlers, focusing on as many things as we possibly can for as little time as possible. We literally feel like headless chicken and then we feel guilty for not dropping into the zone of connecting with our children... or guilty for not having any self care time.
 I have a new little mini course for you over on the website and it's actually only $17 for 7 days of fantastic content and daily little lessons in how to Go From Too Busy to Connection.
The course is all about releasing the guilt that often weighs us down when we feel too busy to have time with our kids and truly connect with them, it then helps you find the clarity to find balance instead.

One of these exercises is the Octopus effect.

I used to identify this scatteredness with the feeling of having lots of tabs open on an internet browser. We try to focus on one, but we just can't. So we have to train our minds to close the tabs.

And then, I figured out the Octopus Effect. 

Imagine an octopus, with its tentacles spread out in all directions.

Now, imagine that each of those tentacles is a thing on your to-do list, they are scattered, varied and all over the place.

Imagine when you feel scattered and all over the place you are focused within the tentacles, scattered in all directions. You try to focus on one, but then feel guilty for the lack of attention to the other ones.

You try to move all tentacles at once and life goes haywire.

Now imagine shifting focus to the core body in the centre of your octopus. Withdraw the arms, knowing that by putting energy within that core and creating stability, the flow of life will take care of all the other parts of the whole.

This is what its all about. We can all spend too much time chasing our own tails, running for tentacle to tentacle, task to task.

But when we draw that energy within, and focus within that core, then we feel relief from the chaos and can find ourselves again... so that we can radiate out through all those tentacles, fully and aligned.

Isn't it exciting? To know that some simple self care techniques can have the incredible ripple effect of bringing ourselves back in the moment and withdraw from the scatteredness of day to day life?

Now, the next step of the exercise is to allow a word for that core to flow to you. Withdraw your tentacles, breathe deep and listen. Give yourself a moment to hear that specific word that signifies that core of your inner “octopus”.

Got it?

Awesome.

This word may surprise you. Mine was “stillness”, which was less exciting or energizing than I thought I'd find. But still when I tried it on, it really was exactly what I needed to hear.

Now, when you have that word, try breathing deeply and focusing on the word. You can even let the word flow out on your breath, letting it really resonate within you.

This simple tool can be pulled out whenever you feel overwhelmed or stressed. By using the image of the octopus you have a reference point for your own focus.

Within the day, you can ask, are you focusing from the outer ring, from the tips of your tentacles and scattering that energy... or are your resonating from within your core; centred within yourself?

This little exercise really reminds you how important a bit of self awareness and self care is. It's more than a to-do list item. Self Care can't be one of those tentacles. Rather, it has to be the focus of the core, so that the rest gets done. Self care is an inside job. It's a focus and intentional job and once we practice it, well then, woosh, everything else just gets done in a flow.

I am really passionate about helping you find ways of fueling that core self. I believe that in this time, when routines and patterns are thrown in the air, you can consciously put your mind on, well your mind and allow stillness to enter within.

I really encourage you to visit the course page and check out the new mini course, it's a wonderful way to start the autumn and set new patterns up before the winter months.

Can I take over?

Sometimes, you just have to take over.

This past week, it turned to winter, and it turned early. My daughter hates the cold and we’ve been talking about going away for some of the winter since... well, since last spring.

But winter came early and travel plans, well, let’s just say I’m barely planning Christmas yet.

It’s been a hectic time and I’m looking forward to some chillin’ in pjs and play. I’m not thrilled about the snow that’s pelting outside, but I also know that everything happens for a reason. We have to trust that all is well and that life is flowing just as it should. For some reason we’re sitting here with our heating on full and our old draughty house fighting it back with all its might. For some reason, we’re as under prepared for winter as ever before.

Because we were planning a trip, you know. And winter is early.

Our son is just happy his cat is in the warm and he has an excuse to play inside and not have to go out. Our one daughter isn’t happy about it, but she’s making the best of it. She’s reading, doing her schoolwork and crafting a lot in her room. She wants an adventure, but she’s remembering how it works... we’re here for some reason, all is well, and the snow melts at some point.

But our eldest is the one who is restless. She wants excitement and travel and exploration and who can blame her. She wants to study on the road, to see things, witness things and live. And with that focus her room was becoming a sea of chaos, and she was becoming upset with it all. Nothing was flowing and apathy was settling in.

It starts with a tone usually, which triggers the idea that something is frustrating her. And then it sparks to later mornings, and too much screens. If I say something she says it makes her feel bad... I get it I do. I remember being in that space and not knowing how to get out.
There’s a line in the Jack Nicholson movie “As Good as it gets.” that I’ve always loved

“I’m drowning here and you’re describing the water!”

I’ve come to the conclusion it’s really easy to describe our children’s water that they feel they are drowning in and it’s that process that can really make them shut down.

Sometimes, we have to just give them a hand up, and offer them a rubber dingy.

Every so often I look at either of my teen daughters and ask “would you like me to take over your life?”

And usually, because I ask when life is obviously too much, they sigh and say “yes please.”

So, like today. I clean their room, warning I’m coming with a garbage bag so they should grab what they want before I get in.

I lay out a to-do list, so they have a clear idea where their time should be spent.

I make their meals, making sure they are eating what they should and drinking enough water.

And then I make sure I’m hanging with them a bit more than usual. I make sure that life lightens up. I take some time to sit and giggle while doing our nails.

Because let’s face it, sometimes it can all seem a little bit baffling and we’re not born with a life instruction manual to tell us how to organise what we need to do. As a child grows we seem to expect them to know more and more, when really, when I look at it, I need a planner and breakdown to figure out what I need to do each week... and I only realised that a couple of years ago.

When you are paving your own path, banging your own drum, you can end up aimless and not knowing what to do next. It’s one of the cons of independence. So when our kids are learning independence, covering tips to recognise overwhelm and deal, simply by showing the example of them... that’s an important tool in their bag.

This can sometimes come at inconvenient times. It can lead to late night talks and even blame being thrown around, or stress out of defending themselves. No one wants to admit to overwhelm, but when its an acceptable thing in a home, when we all admit to sometimes dropping the ball, when things can be openly discussed, it means it's ok to say "yes, please take over for a little bit, so I can gather my thoughts and soul."

And sometimes someone asking if they can pick up the pieces just for a while, means our kids can find their  feet again and they can use those tools next time. Because next time, they will be able to feel where they are just a little bit better, and they'll be able to put it in order because we suggested how.

November Stresses and Preparations

And November is here.

There’s something suspended about November. Something that feels hesitant and expectant. I don’t know about you, but there’s always part of me that feels like I should be doing something, but I’m unclear what that is. And it’s always worse for my children.

I just sat down with my daughters with the homeschooling “What do we need to do before the end of the year?” conversation. Personally, I like knowing my end of year goal, it creates focus and intention. My eldest, well she wasn’t exactly happy about it. She’d rather have a further goal... say Spring. Knowing where she is headed with a little more distance creates more clarity.

I think that’s because, although the end of the year feels like a strong intention, it’s always interrupted with the big issue of Holidays. Winter holidays always seem to create a gray area, and for many that gray area starts in November.

What is it about a certain period of time that suggests we need to get certain things done by certain dates? Why do we add to-do lists to our already busy days and feel pressure to meet certain traditional criteria for things like Thanksgiving or Christmas? What’s even more baffling is the idea of tradition to pass it on to our children. We want to create good holiday memories for them, or at least we feel like we “should”. However, looking back at our own holiday memories growing up, they are often ripe with stress and everyone running around like headless chickens. It was after it was all done, the peace that followed the storm, that we smile back at.

There’s a lot of stress that comes at this time of year... and probably more stress and anxiety this year, as for many the holidays are following what may be one of the more stressful weeks in current American History. This week is election week, which seems to bombard our newsfeeds and conversations alike, and once the dust has slightly settled, American Thanksgiving will be picking up speed. Of course, 4 weeks after that we’re looking at Christmas, Winter Solstice, Hanukah, and other celebrations... only to collapse into a New Year relief.

It’s not just us who can feel the stress build up. Our children sense it in the air. They sense anticipation for something that is supposed to be exciting. They sense it in the fear over political events and they sense it within us, as our schedules build up and we start to feel pressure from unclear things. It’s important to create a strong foundation for our family. One founded in love not fear, and also founded in the present moment, not in future events. Life is each moment of our lives. That is what our children remember and that is what gives them the tools to create a happy life for themselves.

This month I have a lot to offer you and I hope that they will help you create a seamless blend of foundational tools for you and for your children as well as offer you the opportunity to start laying the groundwork for incredible Intentions for 2017.

First, last year’s audio course is back to being available until November 21^st. Then it will be locked back into the vault until next year. You can find it here.

Secondly, I am offering you a free 3 part video course next week on Passing Spiritual Tools onto our Children. I thought it would be fun to share with you some simple tips and tools on passing some awareness and clarity on to your children, now when it can be such a muddled and mixed feeling kind of time.  You can sign up here!

Sacred Tree Recordings will be releasing some guided meditations of mine over the next couple of days. They produced the Mp3s for Spiritual Kids, and have created Theta Music to accompany them. It's a very exciting project and one to help you find groundedness, clarity and re-alignment.

Hmm. It might be a good time to sign up to the newsletter... because this month there's a lot to keep track of.

 Lastly, today marks the start of the empowerment summit over at Heather Devore’s place. It’s free and you can grab your spot here... and still be in time for my awesome interview on Friday (as well as my gift!)

Yeah, like I was saying... there's just something about November that makes you feel like doing something.  

Wouldn't it be nice.... if?

We all have desires and wishes, for our family and for ourselves.

We all see things we don’t like within our lives, which we get used to complaining or grumbling about on the surface, and yet, stuck in our patterns of homeostasis, we are unwittingly unable to shift to that which we’ve wished for.

 We are told to find the feeling space of the ideal, the vibration of the desired outcome for our children, our home or ourselves, but sometimes that is too big of thing to find. Sometimes it feels too far away to feel it. Sometimes we don’t want to think of it, worried that the “wish” will get pushed away if we focus on it.

When people start learning about the law of attraction they sometimes worry  about every thought and word. They suck them back, scared to let their thoughts settle on anything for more than a second. Or they got caught up in the search for what they Really wanted, closing more options than opening up to them.

Because, although we might have things we don’t like, often we just can’t see our way out of living with them. We are designed for balance, for maintaining that sameness, not too hot, not too cold... just the same.

But we all want to unleash the power of those hidden desires. The ones that just would make life feel better, even if we can’t put our fingers on exactly what they are.

Do you want a little trick to tapping into them?

Try finishing the sentence: Wouldn’t it be nice if.....

Just try. I’ll wait here.

See the interesting thing about finishing off that thought, is that it acts like a door to our imagination and our subconscious. We are literally asking our spirit what do you want?

But without the weight of logically breaking it down, making lists or really committing to it.

We are just asking our spirit, what would you like to experience...

What would be nice for you?

Not, spectacular, not detailed extravaganza. It can be as general as you like, or as specific.

The only rule... it has to feel nice.

Where does the phrase take you?

Wouldn’t it be nice to have everyone play well together? Wouldn’t it be nice if we had more money?

Wouldn’t it be nice if I could offer my children more opportunities? Wouldn’t it be nice to travel?

Wouldn’t it be nice to have more time? Wouldn’t it be nice to go on a date? Wouldn’t it be nice to have more room? Wouldn’t it be nice to find a great school? To homeschool?

Sometimes even starting a phrase with I wish... leaves us with a bad taste in our mouths. It feels like we aren’t appreciating what we already have, it leaves us feeling dissatisfied with our life.

The simple phase of Wouldn’t it be nice, suggests to our lovely friend homestasis that we are playing a game with ourselves so we have a free pass to imagine new changes without trying to shift out of our usual day to day patterns. Instead our imagination lets go and we are taken to places we didn’t really let sink into our plans.

And then we let them go.

Let them go in a good way.

Now, it’s important not to let that little niggling voice in, the one that says “oh how could that happen?”

So, simply reply to it... “I’m just saying it would be nice. Let the universe figure out the hows.”

Because really, that’s the trick isn’t it. We are active components in this life. There are a million ways things can transpire. I mean, I was just hearing  a real life story of someone having a bag of money fall of a truck! It’s about alignment, not plans.

So, even if it’s as simple as having a more organized house, the simple phrase;

Wouldn’t it be nice if the house was more organized?

Acts like a genie as you can focus on what that feels like without effort.

Such a better feeling than...

I wish the house was cleaner.... (sigh)

Or

The house is always disorganized... I’m the one who always cleans up....  (ugh!!!!)

Wouldn’t it be nice if...

 Releases, relaxes and requests.

 And then allows you to see how it unfolds.

My September 2001 love story

15 years ago.

When 9/11 hit I was in Glastonbury, having been pulled to visit there on a spiritual quest. Spirit had called me and I had answered. No, really. I kid you not. I had found myself in the UK quite suddenly having said I was going out of the blue. The plan was barely out of my mouth when the money showed up by chance. So, for September 2001,  I was backpacking, writing a novel and researching a spiritual documentary program for youth I was writing for Channel 5. I’d traveled down to Cornwall only to be spiritually told in the middle of the night, get to Glastonbury on the 7am bus.

I’d gotten in the habit of listening to that calling. So onto the bus I jumped.

September 11^th  I walked into the tourist board and the attendant shakily told me about the twin towers. I rushed to my hostel where I found my fellow travelers gathered around the television. The day, like for everyone in the world was a blur of phone calls, news programs and pandemonium. Life in the world had gone where we never thought it could.

I wondered what I was doing there. I promised my mom to come home as soon as I could get a ticket back (why flying seemed like the logical choice is beyond me) . I scorned my inner callings and felt mislead. However, I was still in Glastonbury, with nothing to do to help the world crisis, I finally realized  I might as well tend my soul.

I decided to shift focus the next day and take in some of the spiritual offerings Glastonbury had to offer while I was there.  I went to Yoga in an old castle like building, visited the ancient Glastonbury Abbey (where legend has Jesus visiting and helping build the first church dedicated to Mary). I planned my evening around something called the Michael Teachings and ending with a meditation class but first headed back to the hostel to grab a quick bite.

You know, being there for the initial crisis had been surreal. A sense of panic and yet loving community formed within that hostel common room. We ate food together, cried together, hugged each other and became friends.

But that next day... with the same footage being played and the same conversations circling and everyone unmoving, sitting in the same spots, waiting for new news: well it was rather eerie. We all sat in the vibration of despair and could literally do nothing to help on a global scale.

And what was stranger still was how I noticed it, and still almost got sucked in. I sat, I watched and I wondered whether I should skip the class I had planned to attend in order to stay in this space of community. But I resisted the group vibration and suddenly decided to remember Who I was and what I was there for.

I packed my bag and left.

Glastonbury is a wonderful little nook in South England, where every spiritual tradition crosses paths. It’s winding Tor, or hill, can be seen from every corner and magic is a way of life. Crystals, green men, Buddhism, Jesus and druids all walk here. Nothing is a surprise, yet nothing is taken for granted.

Meanwhile, deep in my heart, although I almost couldn’t believe it, I knew why I had been called there.

You see, over the years before, I’d always had this connection. At first it was a fairy tale, next it was a dream, a fantasy, but for the while before that day in England, I had been building the spiritual connection with a special someone. I’d never really dated, never gotten the hang of meeting someone to “see what happened.” There'd always seemed to be a glass wall between guys and me. So rather than break it down,  I’d slowly committed to a soul mate, one match for me, my twin flame. Before my spontaneous excursion, I’d imagined so much of life with him, that it felt so completely real... for all I knew, it was real.  I could feel Who He was, even though I’d never laid eyes on him. I wrote to him, sent myself too him and loved him from a space of spirit.

I had almost given up, telling Source to forget it. I’d be single and focused on now.

That as the night before the bus ride to Glastonbury at 7am.

And so, as I followed and followed my heart, I knew the direction she would surely lead me.

The spiritual meeting on the Michael Teachings was at 7pm and I figured I wouldn’t stay for the whole thing as my meditation class was at 8pm. I sat near the back, in the middle of the row, a decision which confused me because, really I was going to have to sneak out probably.

But it was too late to move. The presentation had begun.

A few minutes later footsteps came up the stairs and a man walked in sat down beside me.

The hairs stood up on my neck, but I tried to focus on the lecture.

A few moments later  I asked a question to seem engaged, but the presenter didn’t understand my point.

The man next to me finished off my thought... I turned... eyes met.... world stopped... magic.

Yes, it happened. The world stopped. And you know that flustered, try to find reality feeling after.

Woosh.

I tried to take notes, packed my notebook as the clock neared 8pm.

But that inner voice popped in again, telling me to say yes to a drink if he asked me out.

I resisted. I got ready to go. Pretending the floor wasn’t opening up under me and swallowing me up.

The lecture ended and suddenly, this gorgeous, wonderful man with the blue eyes asked me out for a drink.

I, of course, said yes.

We walked the street talking all night. The next day he took me up the Tor in the rain and to the Chalice Well. We were together from that moment on.

Within 2 weeks we were engaged, 3 weeks later I was back in Canada and late October, my “fiancé” flew in to meet my family.

So, why am I telling you this story?

Well, aside from the fact that tomorrow is Fletcher Day, the day that our family celebrates my husband and I meeting as the day our family begun, but also because every day it reminds me of something; something that is a foundational point in all of my work.

We are more than these physical forms. When we connect to our highest, spiritual versions of ourselves and our source, anything is possible. Solutions flow from anywhere in ways we could never expect or plan.
Arthur O'Shaughnessy  wrote “We are the Music  Makers and we are the dreamers of dreams.”
No matter how bonded we feel to the physical reality and “facts” that are in front of us, no matter what our logical brains chatter to us all day long, especially as parents, there is a deeper source of consciousness always at work, producing magic. We have to let it flow through us. We have to allow ourselves to know it’s there.

I later could look back at our story and call the experience the law of attraction. I’d created the feeling space of connection and it was created. But, although I teach and offer tools for the law of attraction daily, although I know its power, I also don’t want to forget the mystical experience this journey was and always is. There was more than creating the feeling, there was a divine, spiritual orchestration, the sense of timelessness, where future, past and present completely combined together seamlessly and it was in the listening, the trusting, and the allowing that it could come forth; all in the perfect time.

This is a love story, but it’s also a story of potential and I’m sharing it with you today to simply remind you to allow love, light, magic and the spectacular into your life, for then it will flood every corner of it and lift you to places that you never dreamt possible.

Let your spirit soar and enjoy the sights. For that is exactly what we are here to do.

Taking Care of Your Story

 Everyone... yes, everyone... will occasionally find life challenging and yes, that includes our children who have a hard time, through new experiences, growing pains, learning curves, lost toys, scrapped knees or  friends.

Sometimes, we can find ourselves overwhelmed, juggling too many balls in the air to count and wondering how to keep things afloat.

And sometimes, we all feel a good vent is a great and healthy thing.

Of course.

And it is. It really is. It’s good to put all the ducks in a row and really get through the cloud of what’s bothering us and state it loud and clear.

Name it well.

But the next step is often forgotten, because once the issue that’s troubling us is out in the open, two things happen.

First, it can easily become our story for ourselves. We’ve told it once, and now it keeps happening, and we see evidence that backs it up all over the place. We’ve complained that no one ever picks up after themselves... next morning, there are toys all over the living room... In becoming part of our story it is part of the fabric of our lives... the law of attraction takes hold, bringing in more of the feeling we carry, the focus we hold. unless we choose not to let it.

Second of all, it becomes our story for other people.

How often have we vented everything out to a friend or family member and then next week, when we’ve adjusted and felt better, they notice something in our experience...

“Oh yeah, they are messy, aren’t they? Just look at the mess.”

A lovely story reminder... our perspective has shifted and suddenly we see the mess again.

Or, when life is especially full of balls to juggle, subtle comments like..

“I don’t know how you do it?” can make us question ourselves.

“hmmm. I don’t know how I do it either.”

Comments which may come from a place of support actually ring out as something much different. The focus becomes about how well we deal in struggle... but the struggle is what is the basic theme.

It also happens with our children. When they feel unpopular at school, or feel like they can’t do well at something. When they lose things or go through a hard time. We can see their upset as their story and alter things to “support” them, only to hold them in a place of that painful moment. We want to validate how they feel, but in the meantime, can hold them in the space of that feeling, rather than helping them shift to something new.

There was an Abraham Hicks Quote about this on their facebook page today it read;

“The greatest gift you could give to anyone you love, is the gift of positive expectation.”

Imagine, if every complaint or vent, was a stop sign, a reset button. A sign that said;

This is how it’s been and because of that, I know another story.”

And the new story was what was supported and nurtured.

What if we had the capacity of holding space for others to the point of seeing what they have created from what they have experienced?

What if every messy house conversation bounced off to a place of appreciating and supporting each attempt at keeping clean? What if every one of our children’s disappointments bounced off to a place of looking for opportunities of wellbeing flowing in?

And what if each problem created a support system for the seeking of a solution.

We don’t want to push positive to the point of denial... pushing a happy face on our children to the point of burying their pain. That’s not going to create any happy journeys. Rather, the razor edge path is about gradually shifting from a place of upset, banging the drum of disappointment, and when it feels like it’s just hit that point of enough... shift to solution based, trust in wellbeing, gradually moving towards feeling good vibration. I call my process the At Least Game.

It’s not that difficult and I want to quickly offer a focus point to do it with your children. You might have heard me mention it before, but it’s a good reminder.

Simply start 5 sentences with the words At Least.

Try it. You can’t help but feel a shift in feeling space. The tension feels less tense. The juggling seems less overwhelming. Even the mess seems less messy (at least my room is clean. At least no one did any baking. At least I have a vaccum, at least I can play awesome music through the house. At least I have a family to make that mess.)

And, what a way to hold space for other people too; for friends, neighbors, anyone who is upset... for our children.

Take care of your story, which is created by the story you tell yourself. Every story has struggle, but only for character development. The stories are only happy when focused on the solution.

The Law of Attraction behind hosting a webinar

Sometimes resistance is... just a little bit of a pain in the neck.

As you may know, on Saturday I hosted my first webinar on google hangouts.

Now can I just say I used to consider myself quite good at technology. I’ve designed websites, I jumped on using the internet really quickly... hey I used to help edit home videos with double vcrs. I learnt quickly... until webinars.

For some reason, I’ve been trying to figure this out for awhile and getting nervous about it.

But someone told me, just jump in and the rest will follow so I jumped.The webinar went fine. It was a little like having a phone call with a toddler as I was trying to juggle managing the workings of the hangout which wasn’t co-operating at the same time as relaying information and talking through my points. Sadly, my Q& A component wasn’t working and that was incredibly frustrating... and yet so understandable.

Why? Because, even though I might be a coach in the law of attraction it doesn’t mean I don’t hold up the wrong sign occasionally. And quite honestly, I was nervous about the process, and the process gave me what I asked for.

It was a blip. The replay is readily available and technology is technology. No catastrophe, just a learning curve. But I had to laugh to myself at how resistance to something always plays a part in the results.

So, where else does this show up? What little things do we hold resistance to, that doesn’t necessarily provide such blatant proof?

Probably lots of things.

From getting enough sleep, to our children liking the food we make, to even feeling guilty. When we hold up a sign of something “going wrong”, although it might not go as hard as we expect it, it also won’t go as smoothly.

So, yeah, my webinar went well and the next one will be even better. And the next... and the next...

Life is a process; a delicious, learning full, incredible process and the idea that something has to be perfect the first time is one of the plagues of mommy guilt in the first place.

Because, unless you remember your past lives thoroughly, this is a first-time round. This is the first time you’ve been in the place you are. So claim it, ride it, and appreciate it.

Because around the corner is round number 2!

Want to check out my first webinar... here it is.

And I do have an exciting new project that I talk about in the last 5 minutes of the video!

The Blame Game

Reconsider what you are saying when the sentence starts with the word “You”.

I told this to my children early on and hold it as a personal principle.

Why? Because, words hurt, but also the way we use those words, the tone and order we place them, conveys meaning and intention deeper than we can imagine. As a writer and energy sensitive person I feel words deeply and value how they make me and others feel... especially when it involves loved ones.

“You hurt me.” “You made a mess.” “You’re too loud.”

On an energy place these phrases feel so off, so targeted and separated.

The meaning can easily be expressed without the feeling of judgement.

“I got hurt.” “This is messy.” “Let’s be quiet.”

Ah... so much better.

And it can work with naming others as well.

This came up in a FB thread I was part of last week. A woman couldn’t understand her husband taking offense and feeling unsupported whenever he tried to deal with their son’s tantrums. He always did it in a way that rubbed the woman the wrong way and she would always tell her son, in front of the dad...
“I know Daddy upset you and hurt your feelings. He wants you to come to dinner. I know you want to play.” Ouch.

Pronouns can be used to build and support... or crush and demoralize, especially if we have hidden resentment or anger towards the other person. Their name, or the infamous YOU, can serve as a dagger, without any fingerprints.

“Imagine rephrasing it, so it didn’t paint anyone as the bad guy.” I wrote the woman. “Imagine saying... I know you want to keep playing, but we are having dinner now. I’m sorry if you got hurt feelings, we just need you to come to the table. We’ll play together after.”

No accusations, no mixed messages to their son, no guilt, judgement, or criticism. Maybe not as satisfying, but definitely more loving.

Just the “Royal We!” As someone commented. Yes, “we” resonates so much better.

But when we are used to the blame game how do we find the alternative? How do we shift from the place of accusation, when we feel it is simply taking the blame on ourselves?

We shout “why should I take on the blame when it’s not my fault?”

By simply choosing to radiate love instead and removing fault all together.

State the situation, say how you feel about something, but by removing the blame, you keep mistakes, simply that; mistakes, missteps, learning experiences.

Imagine when you were little and you were doing something you probably shouldn’t be and suddenly you break a family heirloom... or a vase from the dollar store, whichever. You feel badly enough, and silently decide you should have been more careful. You’ve helped clear it up, said sorry to your mom or dad, and learnt from the experience.

Then someone else asks about the vase and you hear... “(your name) broke it.”

You feel sick, guilty and un-forgiven. You will never live it down.

All it would have taken is “It got broken.”

Hearing that, you would still feel responsible, you would reconfirm your promise to take more care... but you wouldn’t carry the shame for life, just the lesson.

Also, imagine being the parent, and feeling the words pass through your lips. It simply feels better to let go of the blame, and stay general.

When we follow our hearts and joy we realize it’s better to feel happy than right. Pointing out who is doing what falls low on the feeling good list, just as the feeling we have to make our children feel small for them to be controlled. Simply altering a few simple words can make it about learning, or working together, vs control, blame and laying guilt.

“YOU”... or the accusing name blame game... replaced with a general situation explanation.

Is the difference between our children being raised with insecurities or self awareness.

What Spiritually Aware Parenting can look like.

As I was sitting at the park yesterday, watching all three of our children playing in their own style )I love how my 13 year old still plays wildly at the park, in her 5’10” height and her fashionista manners... she resonates with herself, willingly leaping on top of any swinging bridge or seesaw. She’s not worried about other people’s opinions, and it’s that gift that gives me some comfort in seeing her grow up so quickly) another scene caught my eye... my people watching skills couldn’t help but notice, an older gentleman and his, what must have been, his twin grandsons. He was with two other people, but his focus was on the boys... not on them, rather WITH Them... his focus was with them, and I watched in wonder as he logged off from everything else and simply enjoyed their play.

It reminded me of the downloadable guide, called “4 simple steps to pushing the Reset Button.”I have over on my website. Broken down in 4 easy steps, memorable by being in 4 “L” letter words... the steps take you from chaos to connection and help you find your inner compass again. Well, the first “L” step in my guide is to LOG OFF, and whereas it can literally  mean to log off, to get off of Facebook and Twitter and draw your focus into what’s in your moment, this man reminded me of the spiritual focus that can come from logging off from your outer world and logging in to your children’s.

The second “L” is to Let Go... again, it means what you will it to. Let go of results, let go of stress... breathe and allow.

The third “L” is Listen... to yourself, to your children.

And the Fourth is to Love.

This Gentleman, in the 5 minutes that I watched him, seemed to capture the essence of all 4 steps and it was a beautiful thing to see.

He came into the playground, and called to the boys to try out the seesaw, he wasn’t scattered in his thoughts, scanning his phone or even the other children, he simply talked to them about how the seesaw worked and how wonderful it was that they were the same size, so it would all balance out.

One of his friends came up, and rather than engaging in some “grown up” talk, they both started discussing with the boys how gravity worked on their bodies if they swayed to the centre or pulled away. They talked about not getting off too quickly, but to talk to the person on the other end so no one got hurt. The talk was focused, not scattered, no one rushed for words or stressed out when one boy almost got off from the top, and both men felt free to talk with each other... not just scatteredly to each other. Everyone was engaged and focused.

The children both learnt so much in their time there and the gentleman was so grounded in Who He Really Is. He wasn’t hesitant, but joyful. He didn’t question himself or others rather he was within himself in the moment and his focus, his moment was being spent with his two grandsons. Mind chatter and ponderings were being put on hold for another time.

We all get stressed sometimes. All of us. We all get scattered and chattered. We all get in knots.

But awareness of how we feel is a burst of fresh air to the soul. It reminds us of the power of the moment, where life resides.

When I first started giving people the 4 “L” points, they felt horrible when they forgot them somewhere in their downloads as if reading it through a couple of times was a magic solution to stress. Rather it’s an on going process absorbing the steps and imputing them into our daily habits. Sometimes it takes the image of an older gentleman, patiently enjoying his two grandsons, controlling his focus and giving attention to his moment and not questioning where his focus should be to remind ourselves what Spiritual Aware Living really looks like.

We all get stressed sometimes, I’m sure even the gentleman in the park has his moments, but it’s with the awareness of how that feels that we can find that logged off focus, when we can let it go, listen and love. It’s an ebb and flow kind of growth... and one that thrives better when it’s down with support and community.
I appreciate that gentleman, wherever he is, so much. For he radiated a grounded peace throughout the playground that day and reminded me the power of focus, logging off, listening and most of all Love.

If you want to download the guide to Push the Reset Button, you can find it here

Tips to find Focus and use its Power!

Wanna know one the most interesting thing about our children and ourselves now a-days?

We all have problems with focus.

We think we’ve got it down. That we can focus when we “put our mind to it.” But in truth, we’re continually flipping from one thing to another, and that’s where life gets incredibly scattered.

I like to compare it to tabs on an internet browser. We all do it. We all have our email tab open at the same time as our social media. We all come up with some idea of something to check up, so we surf a bit for a solution, at the same time waiting for a notification. We are a generation of distraction and we’re passing that on to our children.

Our children are scattered and then they are getting into trouble for not focusing.

So, what is focus, really? Is it simply the ability to put attention on something for a specific period of time? Is it the concentration on a project or the ability to stick to one job until it’s completed?

Currently, I have children doing schoolwork downstairs, I have some laundry that needs to be done, I just cleaned up the kitchen, but was thinking about this post while I was doing it... I’ve promised a son I’m taking him to the park in 20 minutes and I’m awaiting responses to some emails.

It feels a little pushed and pulled in my opinion.

Also, I just had to shift gears on a webinar I was planning and change it to a course, so somewhere in my subconscious I’m designing that, so all in all, I could be really stressed and scattered if I wasn’t aware of it.

I believe focus is more than just about zero-ing in on one thing at a time.

Focus is about intention... and intention is about aligned energy.

It’s the wish-washyness of indecisiveness that creates chaos. Once we line up to some intention, everything seems to flow within that direction.

Often guilt, or the super-mommy complex gets in the way and within that one poisonous thought of “when I focus on that, surely my children will just be aimless...” that we run around trying to “set them up”, before taking care of our own energy direction.

But then, you ask, how do we choose the direction if we’re so scattered we don’t know how to form priorities.

First step... meditate.

It doesn’t need to be a long sit down meditation. Rather its the simple concept of gathering your thoughts and energy to form a focused stream. Imagine your thoughts... each creating energy.. and you simply focus on the energy for a moment... letting it gather in front of you.

Create that ball of light and love in front of you, reminding yourself that there is nothing more important to that to radiate as yourself before you do anything else.

By that focus of feeling grounded in Who You Really Are... you then allow inspiration and other universal powers to help you lay out your intentions.

So... first breathe. Breathe in for the count of 5... hold for the count of 5... and exhale for the count of 5.

Repeat 5 times.

Now, you might find you’ve forgotten what was so scattered and the day feels clearer.

Next... very pragmatically, I usually write a brief list.

No specific order... just what would feel nice to have accomplished in the day... and then I put it in an easy order to let it flow through.

But... let’s face it... we have children and sometimes plans are made to be broken. Sometimes, sandtables need to be played with, or we need to jump on a trampoline.. sometimes we need to break all order to have some fun.

Next remind yourself that that’s where life shows up... in between plans.

and in that aligned energy of your day... allow things to show up. When you've started with meditation, than you can sense the energy of what's flowing in. You can line up to taking a break from your list. You can show up with your children at the park, rather than letting the back thoughts in of "I should be doing something else..." So lining up to the moment is also a trick of focus.

I’m working on own focus, really. I’m working on my social media consumption and how to schedule it rather than be absorbed by it. When we were travelling on the road I had no access (I won’t allow myself a smart phone), and I know I became more present. But I also felt out of touch with my clients and work, which didn’t suit me at all. So, I’m researching and feeling my way.

Because I don’t like my thoughts to be tabs in my own brain’s server. Rather, I want them to be directed streams of energy... full of joy and emotion and feeling... full of power which can be picked up on from the universal source that can bring in more of the same.

Life is exciting when we allow it to be and a scattered brain, leads to nothing. It’s full of deadends and the attraction point is simply chaos.

Vibrational Focus!

Want a focus exercise?
 Find an overall vibrational focus... an image of something that feels wonderful. Be it the feeling of being on a family bike ride, or being by the beach... something that resonates with freedom and order and fun and laughter. Something that resonates with your dream day.

Rest your tongue against your teeth, at the bottom of your mouth and simply allow the feeling of the thought flow over you. Stay there for a few moments.

When you are doing this short exercise, you are actually training your focus to reach a vibrational goal. You are feeling something strongly and holding it.. allowing it to build and show up in your day.

If we can teach ourselves to do this first thing in the morning we are simply making a suggestion to the universal source about what we want to feel more of... and then we can let the day flow in accordingly.

So, I’d like to hear what your favorite feeling space is? What’s an image that calls it up?

And if you focus on it... does your day flow in with that same feeling? Easily unfolding in joy?

And if you want to pop over to the FB Group or Page to share your intentions and focuses... it’s a great way to explore how they feel and to share with others.

Because together, we can help create a stronger focus and radiate Who We Really Are.

A Lesson in Energy for Quick Relief

One of the tools I find the most helpful in finding quick connection I found through learning Energy healing a few years ago. In fact, my daughters took the course with me as well, and I’ve witnessed how they interweave the teachings through their lives. The idea of grounding themselves, or observing their own energy blocks has been an incredible tool for self awareness.

But, I digress. The information and practice of increasing flow of energy is something I often pass on to clients and they’ve often mentioned how much it has helped them through their days.

So, I wanted to share it with all of you today.

We are energy beings. If you’ve heard of chakras then you know we have energy points through our bodies which, when aligned and with a clear path keep us as perfect conduits between the earth and spirit. We are spiritual, physical and emotional expressed through energy.

Its often taught that we can align our energy from our core root chakra, near the base of our spine and then focus upwards, clearing each chakra or energy point along the way.

However, I usually offer this...

As a society we spend so much time in our heads. Over the past 15 years we have become about information over physical expression. As the saying goes, “where attention goes, energy flows...”

So, in that case, our energy is stored in our heads, resulting in overstress, headaches, brain chatter and over thinking.

You know that snowballing feeling, when things build and build, thought upon thought? It starts with a little seed of something and then suddenly you feel like the world is falling upon your shoulders. Well, its a clear sign that energy needs to flow elsewhere.

But the ironic part of that is when you are in your thoughts you resist not thinking, or focusing on something else. Rather, the snowball continues, asking you to figure out “what should I think about to stop all this thinking?”

And I reply.... “focus on your feet.”

Sounds silly, I know. But, by shifting your attention to your feet, wiggling your toes, circling your ankles, soaking them in a tub or simply thinking about the feeling of the floor beneath them, you are drawing attention away from your head and allowing your energy to move down to the earth... through your central core. You are officially grounding yourself.

Imagine how this feels when you are running around, stressed out, juggling schedules lunches, phone calls and children’s shouts for help.

Breathe, relax, FEET. Sigh.

It really does work.

For those who have worked with me or been on my page for awhile, you might have heard me talk about the elevator meditation, which is a technique to bring your attention down to your ground level. To watch a video showing how to use it over at my channel.

The simple process of guiding your consciousness from your top floor, floor ten, around your head, and counting backwards, imagining an inner elevator shaft through your centre, helps you become aware of where your energy is.

You can feel your attention shift to floor 6 around your heart.

And then move down to 4 around your navel.

But then you get distracted and you think about something you have to do... back to floor 10.

Finally you find your moment in the present. Floor 1. Ground floor. Relax.

The more you practice this short meditation, the easier you find where you are on your core shaft , the more you sense your essence and how grounded you are. You can literally find what floor you are at within moments.

As energy beings we create through focus. Things go well when we are aligned with Who We Really Are and when we are grounded in the present moment, so the first key to being true to ourselves and being a spiritually aware parent is to find that inner sense of energy, and help it flow.

I love passing these sort of quick centering techniques onto clients.

 If you haven’t yet, please visit my website for more information and quick techniques to feeling better!

Road trip lessons on being true to yourself

My family and I hit the road in our Dodge Caravan just before Christmas. We’d been promising our children and ourselves some travel and adventure, and it fell into the perfect time. It was one of those “go for it” moments, and luckily, as people who work online, we were able to jump at it.

What I love about traveling is how we are all together, in close proximity. Really close. Even our dog from his crate is readily involved.

2015 was a busy year. Between coaching, launching e-coaching packages and new groups, planning workshops and webinars and not counting home schooling, renovating and parenting new born kittens, it seemed like life was running full steam ahead. But, when we get into the car for a roadtrip, my whole family seems to land full on, in the moment. We sit, we talk, we sing, we think and ponder. It’s just meandering and I think it allows all of us to grow and get to know ourselves better.

Ironically, on this road trip, we’ve been sporadically staying with family and that adds such a different element to getting to know oneself. It sometimes feels like its seeing ourselves in a periscope... and I don’t mean the app.

Last summer, my husband and I both experimented with offering our work through video. We practiced being in front of the camera, and observed how we got new self awareness by simply watching ourselves. I got to know my facial expressions, my nervous ticks, but also my signs of feeling comfortable and how I sounded when I was confident in my favorite topics.

But when we stay with family whom we haven’t seen since we were younger, and then they meet our children, whom they barely know (but who look remarkably like we did when we were younger) then a few things get observed... and it can throw an interesting turn.

You know that feeling, the old school reunion feeling, when you wonder why the moment you see people who used to know you, you start acting in the same way that you used to. Suddenly, you act like the school clown, or the stylish fashionista. Suddenly, people are making assumptions and comments based on their old ideas of who you presented yourself to be. What’s funny, is that usually, when we were younger, we rarely presenting ourselves as who we really were!

Well, being with family is similar. Old habits, thought processes and reactions get stirred up. People expect you to present yourself as something you haven’t been in years, and somewhere in that, you rise to the expectation, and only show them that side they expect.

SO, first reaction, is to fight against it. We crave to show the new and improved version, we hunt out moments to show up as ourselves and to state new perspectives. But, because we’re trying too hard, it usually lands with a flop. The look crosses over a relatives’ faces... “there she goes again. She always was dramatic.” You hear their thoughts say.

But, we crave understanding right? We want to yell it from the rooftops... “Stop and get to know the real me!”... but, the more we push, the less authentic we feel. Push and pulling, we disconnect from the very core being of ourselves we’re so eager for everyone to meet.

So, in the long run, it’s finally a question of giving up. With a little meditation, a lot of breathing, and some skyward glances, we simply let everyone thing what they want, what they believe.

It’s more important to be happy than right anyway.

And yet, in that split second of release, that very moment when we decide to not care what people think and just be ourselves, we stop pushing against it, and allow ourselves to show up again, in all glory. We feel like ourselves again and, when we forget to notice, it radiates out from us. We are one again, in who we really are.

And through those eyes, we realize something. In all our concerns and self consciousness, those people who’s mind we were trying to change... were doing the same thing with us all along and we were doing the same to them.

Yes, I admit it. I sometimes remember people’s past when being in their present. I sometimes think of them as who they were, without allowing their new selves to shine through.

We are all on a journey of expansive growth. We live, learn, grow, explore and expand. Versions of ourselves come and go with new perspectives and it is a glorious ride. It’s not about proving where we are on the ride to anyone... there’s not a measuring stick or scale that we’re being held against. We know who we are, when we allow our thoughts to become quiet enough to hear it and when we allow it to flow from us, than we radiate it out for all the world to feel.

We have to trust our own journey, and know that other’s are on their own.

Their own journey... from a parent’s perspective that also means our children’s journey as well.

There’s the third step in all of this, the next generation. I can look at my daughters and assume they like the same thing they did two year ago, I can assume my son wants me to put him to sleep, rather than allow him that choice. We can keep anyone, including our children, imprisoned in the concepts we hold for them, based on the past or our perspective.

Or we can free ourselves of any concept of another, allowing them to show up as themselves this moment... and giving ourselves permission to do the same.

What sign are you holding up? The Law of Attraction and how it works.

I keep talking about the law of attraction lately, which suggests it’s time to write about it.

After all, it’s something I work with continually and offer clarity on with all my clients and in my workshops and groups. It can spark a pretty positive shift when the power of the universe is suddenly working with you and how you feel.

Wayne Dyer said it so beautifully when he stated that “The Law of attraction isn’t about what you want, it’s about Who You Are!”

But what does that mean exactly and if “who we are” is a parent?

Who we are....

Remember, we are energy beings. We have a current of energy ever flowing, call it life, love, source, spirit or just... plain old energy... that’s what we are. But what we also know is that our focus, our feeling space radiates through that energy. The frequency of that energy shifts on how we feel, and what we put focus on.

So... imagine that with that focus, that energy emitting off of you, it’s like a blazing sign being held up to Source, like a bat signal of spirit, and it says “More of this please.”

That means, if you are frustrated for anything more than a few moments, then the frustration sign gets held up, asking for more frustration. The universe answers and gives you more to feel frustrated about.

But... the same goes with joy, appreciation, happiness. When we shift focus to things that FEEL better, than we hold up that sign and allow more of life to flow in that vibration.

So, consider, for a moment, life being really “hard”, everything is going wrong and falling apart. You are never on time, you are always out of money and the house is a mess. Everyone is sick and you just can’t get done what needs to be done. Life has snowballed out of control... and the more that’s the story, the more it really is the story.

It can be turned around in with gradual shifting to telling a different story.. simply by finding the things that feel better.

From stroking your beautiful pet, to admiring a sunrise, to enjoying a meal (or starbucks) or even just making lists of things you appreciate, slowly you turn the wheel of your focus to a place where you feel relief and in that... you find your essence of who you are. Literally, completely focusing on the good stuff and simply observing the negative stuff, turns to dial. That feeling gets held up on that sign to the universe and then, more life supports that feeling space.

So, what role does the law of attraction play into parenting? Oh boy, a really big one!

Each time we focus on our children’s negative behavior, the more it flows in.

Each time we focus on a dirty house, the more it keeps dirty.

Each time we focus on how there’s not enough time, that we have to do too much alone, that no one listens, that we don’t know what to do... Sign is up, sign is up, sign is up.

Each time we focus on our children’s playful laughter.

Each time we hold them that little longer, appreciating them with our whole hearts.

Each time we stop focusing on being late and enjoy the puttering meanderings... suddenly we get there on time, or everyone else was late too.

Each time we say it’s ok if bedtime goes a little later for that extra story, a child asks to go to bed earlier (it can happen.)

Each time we focus on enjoying our children, we see more opportunities to play, interact and laugh with them, we find new experiences, notice how they’ve grown, and truly connect with them as our authentic selves.

And then, as we shift, our children learn about this tangible focus machine that they are, and start to use it for good. Suddenly, whining seems futile as you just get more to whine about, and appreciating seems to be smart. Suddenly letting life flow in, rather than demanding it gets pushed through, seems more natural. Which of course it is.

Life’s never a complicated as we like to make out it is and you know what, even when we have bad times, when we snowball and spiral, is all good. Because when we snowball it’s just us feeling the way we DON’T want to feel in order to feel the bliss of when we shift it. We didn’t come to be perfectly aligned all the time, then we wouldn’t grow, we wouldn’t know difference,

we would be like a candle in the sun. Sometimes you can only shine bright, when you are in the muddle of darkness for a bit.

And then, you see a sunrise.

Life is good, we came to enjoy it and ride it and play. When we know that we can feel good to our core and then it all clicks into place it offers us a practical tool to make better days.. it snowballs.

So, the only question we ever need to ask when things go screwy is “what sign am I holding up?”

And then shift accordingly.
Click on this link to view a great mantra for a focus shift.
https://youtu.be/yNbSvHO6H3U