5 steps to building on Self Awareness (as the first step towards mindful living)

It's becoming pretty mainstream to practice some form of mindfulness nowadays. Even within our schools, meditation or focus time are replacing the traditional standards of detention or lines in some states and provinces. There is a growing understanding that mindfulness and calm create better mental health and prepares our children to deal with the chaos and turmoil our world can often offer.

But how do we create a solid foundation in mindfulness for our children... not just the action of it?

I mean, it's a wonderful step in the right direction to get children to sit quietly and listen to a guided meditation, or to focus on their breathing but how do we build the awareness for each child so they can appreciate the actual purpose for doing so?

It's a bit like teaching a child how to do math, but not actually helping them understand the reason why they need it or when to apply it within life.

It could also be seen as the philosophy of giving a child a fish to feed them for a day... giving them calm for a moment so their day is successful.

When we have the ability to teach them how to fish and feed them for a lifetime. Our children can be the generation to use mindfulness and conscious living as daily and lifetime tools for happiness.

I can feel you call me an idealist, but honestly, I feel there's one small shift in how we present mindfulness that will make all the difference.

We just need to pass on Self Awareness first.

Self-awareness gives us the navigation skills to sense when we need meditation, when we need positive focus when we could do with quiet or when we would be best to dance out our stresses. Self-awareness works alongside mindfulness to create presence and conscious living, allowing ourselves to sense when we are starting to get stressed or upset by observing rather than reacting.

Imagine when you were a child having the tools to sense when you could do with some quiet time rather than being “told” you need it. Imagine feeling that stress within you to the point of exploding and being able to find your breath and shift to feeling better. How would that have prepared you for the rest of your life?

Sure, maybe I'm an idealist sometimes. We all have off days and we can all jump off the awareness train when life get's busy. But I called this business Spiritual Aware Parenting for the reason that even when we're off, even when we're stressed, even when we aren't thriving, we're aware of the fact that mindfulness can be a tool to help us get back on. We're aware of our own offness when we practice Self Awareness and self knowledge for a little while, which makes hoping back On all the easier.

So, what does that mean? How do we pass on Self Awareness to our children as a foundation for mindful living.

1. Practice it yourself. Example is key within Spiritual/peaceful parenting. Verbally say you are going to get quiet to “feel more like yourself” when you start to get stressed. Journal, create energy focuses with music, find your joy and follow your bliss. Become aware of Who You Are and How to Step into Your Light.

2. Talk about emotions and preferences. Ask for your child's opinions and listen to them.
   Opinions and preferences are extensions of perspectives and perspectives are extensions of self expression, which comes from self-awareness.
3. Open up to a range of experiences and discuss how they feel. Go on nature walks and simply Be. Watch calming movies/shows after watching something faster or louder. Do something that makes you feel excited or exhilarated and compare it to cuddling together reading a book. Contrast builds awareness to how we feel and what we resonate with.
4. Create and explore curiosity. It's easy to brush aside a child's questions during the day, but breaking rhythms and exploring with them opens life up and allows you both to grow and learn.
5. Quiet bedtimes. Consider bringing bedtime 30- 45 minutes forward so you can create it as mindfulness time without calling it that. Make it your own time for presence as well as your child's. Let the energy of the house shift, slowing down and unwinding from the day. Read happy stories and listen to your child's. Allow the energy and peace flow through your home moment by moment and watch as your child adapts to it, becoming aware of how things change in feeling and how it affects them.

Self/Spiritual awareness is about presenting opportunities to feel, observe ourselves, and experience life.

It's about Aha moments. :) It's about thriving rather than surviving.

I'm so passionate about passing on self/spiritual awareness to children (Some people ask why I put self and spirit together... the reason is simply this. We are all Spiritual Beings having a physical experience, not the other way around. Therefore, true self awareness is spiritual awareness.)

That's why there's a whole section dedicated to Self Awareness within my Spiritual Kids course.. to help lay the foundation. Then there's the emotional awareness section as well, which creates a deeper foundation to our children knowing Who They Really Are, and that's not even counting the meditation section. I created the course so Spiritual awareness could be created in layers, step by step... for you as well as your child.

(I actually have had a lot of parents tell me that they've enjoyed the content just as much as their children have. We can all be Spiritual Kids.)

Spiritual Kids is available from the website and there's a special promo on at the moment as well, where if you enroll in Spiritual Kids you also get the mini course “Go from Too Busy to Play to Connection with Your Children.” which is a 7 day e-course delivered to your inbox with exercises and videos to help you be more present with your children even with a long to-do list.

Can I take over?

Sometimes, you just have to take over.

This past week, it turned to winter, and it turned early. My daughter hates the cold and we’ve been talking about going away for some of the winter since... well, since last spring.

But winter came early and travel plans, well, let’s just say I’m barely planning Christmas yet.

It’s been a hectic time and I’m looking forward to some chillin’ in pjs and play. I’m not thrilled about the snow that’s pelting outside, but I also know that everything happens for a reason. We have to trust that all is well and that life is flowing just as it should. For some reason we’re sitting here with our heating on full and our old draughty house fighting it back with all its might. For some reason, we’re as under prepared for winter as ever before.

Because we were planning a trip, you know. And winter is early.

Our son is just happy his cat is in the warm and he has an excuse to play inside and not have to go out. Our one daughter isn’t happy about it, but she’s making the best of it. She’s reading, doing her schoolwork and crafting a lot in her room. She wants an adventure, but she’s remembering how it works... we’re here for some reason, all is well, and the snow melts at some point.

But our eldest is the one who is restless. She wants excitement and travel and exploration and who can blame her. She wants to study on the road, to see things, witness things and live. And with that focus her room was becoming a sea of chaos, and she was becoming upset with it all. Nothing was flowing and apathy was settling in.

It starts with a tone usually, which triggers the idea that something is frustrating her. And then it sparks to later mornings, and too much screens. If I say something she says it makes her feel bad... I get it I do. I remember being in that space and not knowing how to get out.
There’s a line in the Jack Nicholson movie “As Good as it gets.” that I’ve always loved

“I’m drowning here and you’re describing the water!”

I’ve come to the conclusion it’s really easy to describe our children’s water that they feel they are drowning in and it’s that process that can really make them shut down.

Sometimes, we have to just give them a hand up, and offer them a rubber dingy.

Every so often I look at either of my teen daughters and ask “would you like me to take over your life?”

And usually, because I ask when life is obviously too much, they sigh and say “yes please.”

So, like today. I clean their room, warning I’m coming with a garbage bag so they should grab what they want before I get in.

I lay out a to-do list, so they have a clear idea where their time should be spent.

I make their meals, making sure they are eating what they should and drinking enough water.

And then I make sure I’m hanging with them a bit more than usual. I make sure that life lightens up. I take some time to sit and giggle while doing our nails.

Because let’s face it, sometimes it can all seem a little bit baffling and we’re not born with a life instruction manual to tell us how to organise what we need to do. As a child grows we seem to expect them to know more and more, when really, when I look at it, I need a planner and breakdown to figure out what I need to do each week... and I only realised that a couple of years ago.

When you are paving your own path, banging your own drum, you can end up aimless and not knowing what to do next. It’s one of the cons of independence. So when our kids are learning independence, covering tips to recognise overwhelm and deal, simply by showing the example of them... that’s an important tool in their bag.

This can sometimes come at inconvenient times. It can lead to late night talks and even blame being thrown around, or stress out of defending themselves. No one wants to admit to overwhelm, but when its an acceptable thing in a home, when we all admit to sometimes dropping the ball, when things can be openly discussed, it means it's ok to say "yes, please take over for a little bit, so I can gather my thoughts and soul."

And sometimes someone asking if they can pick up the pieces just for a while, means our kids can find their  feet again and they can use those tools next time. Because next time, they will be able to feel where they are just a little bit better, and they'll be able to put it in order because we suggested how.

Teaching Our Children to Love and Live in a Time of Fear.

A few days ago we woke up to a scared nation.

Even if I don’t live in America, I could feel the panic, the fear and the shock ripple through social media and worldwide. Through my groups and clients, I felt that fear in parents come in two focuses.

How do we protect our children from being victims of hate; sure that was definitely there. But mostly, the fear was in asking how to pass on to our children that it’s not ok to hate. How do we pass on love and tolerance, acceptance and compassion, when it looks like intolerance is tipping the scales and that’s what our children are around?

I see it in my own son’s eyes sometimes lately. He’s been around a lot of talk and then after election night, he was hearing stories of people’s worries and fears. He doesn’t say anything, occasionally takes part in a conversation, but you can tell there’s an uncertainty there and I wish he wasn’t hearing so much. (A teenage sister who is homeschooling and is fascinated by politics... it’s going to happen.) He hates violence or seeing any signs of aggression or nastiness.  I think this is more common with children now. Children around the world are sensing a shift and they don’t want the aggression. It’s not just America that is being given these extreme choices of love versus fear. Children across the world are witnessing polar perspectives. They might slowly become desensitised to it, but if kept aware of how they feel, they can sense that they want to feel more joy than anger. That the pursuit of happiness is an instinctual motivation.

So, how do we prepare our children and pass on tools of love and compassion? How do we offer them the space to feel Off, to feel upset or angry, without worrying that they will grow up intolerant? How do we offer them the space to get to know themselves and also attune ourselves to our own sense of love, so that we can radiate what we want... not what we are scared of.

Because remember, we attract one of three things; What We Love. What We Hate. And What We Fear.

So, where does that leave us with our children, in a time ripe with fear?

Take a step back. Breathe and note that the sun is shining, the birds are singing and yup... it’s that time of year... here in Nova Scotia snow is forecast.

Are you breathing deeply? Are your children playing?

Grab a cup of coffee and appreciate something.  There it is. A sigh, a release and a shift from holding up what we fear.

Now, listen to me gently.

You have no control over what your child grows up to experience. You can only offer them tools of awareness; awareness to how they feel, awareness to how other people feel, awareness to a sense of feeling like themselves and an awareness to getting caught up in a crowd.

Because let’s face it; fear loves a group. Fear loves to spread and get people talking.

Love is sown well in quiet, in that peace which is created within, when you shift perspective to a Whole Sense of Self.

And what is sown, we radiate. What we radiate, we attract more of. It’s law.

So, then it also comes down to us. To our example and our experience. If we are filled with worry and fear, then it’s not our children who reap from that. We are the ones holding up that fear... it is our experience in the process of creation. We are filling our home with a vibration, which our children pick up on and in that process mirror. Like seeds scattered, some take root.

Therefore, to answer the question on how to help our children through this time of fear?

I say, radiate love and talk often of wellbeing with your children.

Show love and compassion to those who need it.

Offer tools for emotional and spiritual awareness to your children.

And trust wellbeing. Trust that life expands and grows, that the positive always balances the negative.

There are so many ways to offer tools of awareness to our children. Let the question sit with you. Instinctually you will be told what your child needs. If you find centre within yourself, you will feel what way to go. If it helps,  I am offering a video Series in Raising Mindful Children next week. It has three FREE videos with exercises, tips on creating space for mindful living and a free gift. You can sign up here. I’m really excited how it’s coming together.

And (drum roll) as of November 21^st The E-Course,, Spiritual Kids; building foundations for a spiritually aware family will be on sale . The course is 6 parts filled with crafts, activities, stories and exercises for your children as well as videos and meditations for you so that spirit can flood your home and create easy opportunities to become more spiritually aware. I suggest signing up to the newsletter or joining the Facebook group to make sure you hear about the release. 

I am so excited to be able to help you pass on spiritual tools to your children. Because we can turn this time around. Rather than seeing it as dark we can choose to radiate the light. Rather than feeling like it is a heavy time and filling our heads with what others tell us, we can step up, show up and make love happen.  It’s the perfect time as our children are experiencing a true extreme to the spiritual love they FEEL is the true way of living. I hope that we can shift the tide and create a time of pure love together.

The Pursuit of Spiritually Aware Parenting

Someone asked me today what my “goal” is in the work I do, and an image flashed across my mind.

It was a pregnant mother to be walking into a spiritual bookstore in Glastonbury over in the UK.

The woman was me.

14 years ago, my husband and I were expecting our first daughter and like some excited school girl I danced into every bookstore I could find, looking for that tool, that golden compass which would help me find the spiritual path I knew pregnancy could be. Up until that point, I’d avidly gobbled up every spiritual book I could find. Before meeting my husband, I’d Marianne Williamson’d, Deepak’d and Dyer’d. I had gone old school with holy books and philosophy leaders and on the flip side, had watched Oprah until the sun went down. I’d even been a screenwriter for a spiritual television

program for children. Spirituality coursed through my veins and I’d met my husband through the most spiritual connection I’d ever experienced, using connection, the law of attraction and intuition.

It seemed like pregnancy should be the same. It felt like parenthood was a holy rite to be passed though and I wanted to meditate through labor and teach yoga to her before she could walk. She would be enlightened and know all the tools I’d been gathering for years, so her life would be golden.

But, I hadn’t counted on the fear, socially inflicted doubt and the fact that my life had sped up and I already felt I was running out of time!

I felt rushed as each trimester passed...I talked and read what I could find but I felt I would never have the quiet I craved and the more I craved it, the more I didn’t know how to savor it when I found it. I felt like a runaway train was behind me that hollered “She’s coming soon and you aren’t lined up yet. Line Up!”

My feeble attempts to have small rituals or make things sacred for our daughter, were done for my own outward show, trying to convince my fearful heart that I would “get it right”, while I really felt that  I really didn’t know what I was doing, or who she was, or who I was going to be as a mom. I wanted to enjoy that time... but it was flying by and tainted with morning sickness. I felt like I was having a shadow experience of something I wanted with all my heart.

I sometimes felt so guilty for feeling like I was failing her and she hadn’t even been born yet.

And so, I wandered into bookstores, looking for the book that hadn’t been written.

And I kept aimlessly looking for a couple of years.

2 daughters later I decided it was time to slow down and tap into the inner resources I’d known all along was within me, but I’d been too nervous to look before. I’d have to dig deeper than I ever had. I’d have to be vulnerable and push back the veil.

For some reason, I thought that parenting was something everyone had figured out already, and I should play by the rules. I might have found true love across the ocean by mere instinct and without any dating experience like everyone else. but parenting... surely I was safest following other people’s lead.

But I finally got it. I couldn’t play a role and feel authentic to myself. I couldn’t have the spiritual experience while pretending to be something else. Trying made no sense. My girls, my husband and I were going to have to live a different story. The veil had to be pulled back. The real me had to emerge.

And so it began... oh it was shaky for awhile I can tell you. The philosophy had to be invented as going, and with a daughter who had iron will, I fell back into old habits more than not. I screamed, I shouted, I guilted and I even shamefully spanked as my own reaction to the lack of control and dictatorship I had (I mean everyone else said I should be in control, was I really supposed to give that up?)

But little by little I remembered Who I was... and who I wanted to be. I remembered I was connected when I felt good, and if fighting felt bad, it wasn’t good.

So I started passing on tools to the girls as I practiced them again for myself. Exercises, games, stories, anything that could offer them emotional awareness. Homeschooling provided us with the best platform for emotional awareness lessons and life tools.

And then I got pregnant with our son.

I went back and redid pregnancy, the way I had wanted to in the first place.  I rewrote the experience and connected to the source within my son by 16 weeks. He was my eyes and ears to how the pregnancy was going. It was enlightened.

Everything rolled together and kept rolling. Our girls were learning how to feel, and to follow their hearts. They became sensitive to how the law of attraction brought in what they were feeling. They became in awe of the world around them, and integrated spirit and magic into near enough everything. The world made sense on a deeper level for them. They did yoga, and learnt how to meditate....

Scratch that... they’d always known how to be the incredible spirits that they are.

Along with our son, they taught me how to allow and move through stages rather than force them.

Behaviour became an indicator of how they were feeling about themselves not how “bad” they were and my stress was a sign that I needed to connect to ME, not to find fault in Them.

There wasn’t any pressure to pass on wisdom, I got to learn some. I got to play more, I got to laugh more.

Life finally slowed down and I could enjoy it feeling fulfilled and authentically me.

And that’s my goal for my work. I want for as many of you as possible to find ease in the chaos and speed of the day. I want you to feel so much deeper than the routine and daily chores. I want to empower children to look for the deeper route in life and to have emotional awareness, knowing themselves so they can navigate through it all. I want love, laughter and ease for everyone.

Is that too much to ask? Maybe. But not too much to try.

Its right around the corner, you know? Just pull aside the veil and see what’s there.

3 Steps to Trigger Mindfulness

Last week I was being interviewed on Katie Flores Get Happy Project and we were talking on the subject of mindfulness. An interesting point came up which I wanted to officially clear up here.

It’s not always easy... and once you get it.. you won’t always do it... and that’s alright.

As many of you know, I offer a free guide on my site, and here on this blog, called How to Push the Reset Button... it’s basically 4 (ok... spoilers... 5!) easy steps to find your connection in chaos.

It’s a simple process on paper. But not necessarily in practice. From a space of calm, logging off, letting go, listening, and loving.. it all sounds logical and natural.

However, throw yourself in the middle of a 2 year old tantrum when you are running late already.

It’s a bit like telling someone swimming is a breeze in the middle of a storm.

Our natural state is to be balanced, grounded and spiritually aware. But tempers rise when we are feeling unlike ourselves... when we are in an un-natural feeling space... so although the process of pushing the reset button is there to provide steps to get you back to yourself... You have to find the reminder to use them in the first place.

Imagine a gap between you as your greater version of you; The bigger than this body you.

And the physical experience as You.

The physical experience has the temper, the reactions, the “I’m going to panic” “I’m overwhelmed” “Can’t stop from flipping” experiences (as well as the good stuff... don’t forget the good stuff)

In a positive experience, positive emotion, the gap between the dual versions of you is really small, you experience the joy together.... as positive spirit, the greater version of you is happy to be by your side.

But then a stressful experience occurs... or your thoughts start chattering with a negative focus.

Spirit says... sorry... no can do. I can’t go there with you.

And the gap widens.

The trick is to remember the gap. (Mind the Gap... gives trips on the London Tube a very different meaning!)

For when you find yourself surrounded in chaos, and you remember the gap, that’s when you can find your way back to the fuller YOU, you push the reset button, you find new focus, you go to your inner room and you laugh. Does that make sense?

But how to remember the gap????

Here’s my top 3 big Flashing Red Lights you can put in place.

1)      A physical representation of yourself... something that every time you see or hear, or touch you feel connected to your fullest version of yourself. A piece of jewelry, a crystal in your pocket, a token from your children or from a spiritual journey... anything that upon sight you remember yourself and within that... remember the gap. I once knew someone who actually made a picture of what made her feel awesome and put it as the lock screen on her phone... Depending how much you use your cell... that’s awesome!

2)      The sky. Looking upward immediately reminds us to connect to something so much larger than our own experience... and in that larger universe we find the larger version of ourselves. Mountains, fields, trees can do the same. I have my moon. She has been kind and kept me connected even through my son’s birth.

3)      A mantra, or affirmational phrase... or tune. Om... humming... or something like “I am more than this experience” or “within me lies my own happiness and light.” When repeated often, or trained to be a regular focus, this can become a habitual state of being... so habitual, that when we disconnect, and get stressed, we can feel the shift more strongly, and then consciously guide ourselves back.

It may be a logical statement to ask how these reminders can remind us to connect, if we have to remember to do the reminders! But the thing is that these simple steps can easily be worked into life, even when you  are feeling wonderfully, exhilaratingly like yourself. When you find the little tokens of motions that symbolize you as everything you are, it feels amazing to practice them, sing them, play with them, focus on them. It raises life up to the point that when you aren’t in the space of doing them, you feel disconnection so intensely and that’s that little reset button push.

Awareness to how you feel is truly where it’s all at.. and the feeling of being mindful to Who You Really Are... ohhh... it’s a blissful state of infinite possibilities.

If you haven’t gotten your free copy of the guide, you can find it over here.

Life Flows On

If you look back over your life, do you find that different times and memories stand out and bring up a certain feeling space? I know I do. The other day, I was eating a Sara Lee chocolate pound cake and mentioned how I was eating one 25 years ago when a small earthquake hit our home in Quebec.

Why do you remember that, Christina? I was asked.

Because, I’m sent back to the time, the space, the energy in the room and, like watching a movie, I observe each detail. I can call it back through the essence.

Does it ever strike you that we are continually adding stories to the vibration soup pot of our lives, each one a different vibration, a different feeling space, a different period of our lives.

And then, you imagine the endless stream of stories, the merging from one story to the next. Often we resist letting go of one story, forgetting that it’s not an end, but a beginning of another.

It can take a lot of courage to step over the threshold of a new period of time, but then again, usually we don’t notice until its passed, even if we’ve worried about it while it was approaching in the distance.

For a parent this occurs continually. Our children grow and we watch as they pass through “stages.” We tick the stages off as a to-do list, not realizing that we miss each era when it’s done. But we’re aware of a new era coming... we count the days, notch off the dates on an imaginary calendar... baby (check) toddler (check) child.... teen...

But, we can forget to turn inward on this journey of time. When it comes to our personal journey, we turn stagnant, forgetting we too are moving forward.

We hold on, holding back change as life flows on. We play out the same patterns, repeat the same beliefs, tell ourselves the same stories about our spouses, children and parents to keep up the same experience. We resist things which get in the way of that which we practiced. But still, as life progresses, it still feels like different experiences when we look back. We still grow and expand.

We might as well flow with it. What worked when our children were younger will need tweaking as they get older, and routines change continually. It is only by being authentic in our moment, being present in the Now that we can sense the subtle changes needed. We can spend so much time propelling ourselves into the future, wondering how we’ll make it work later, but because we’re dealing from the vibrational point of now... not then.... we only see it from this perspective.

The energy and feeling space will have changed by then. You can’t imagine how it will feel later, but you are creating the new now.

Woah! Wait. Was that a big statement?

We don’t know what the future will feel like, we aren’t there now. Our children aren’t teens, we aren’t grandparents, maybe your child isn’t even walking yet, but no matter how you fret and worry you will not know how things will feel later. You can imagine, you can pretend... but you only really know how things feel now.

Only in this moment.

And this one is only unfolding by your own perspective. You will look back at this moment and re-feel what your space feels like now, all over again.

And from this moment’s feeling, the new moment will be born. A natural product of what is now.

Our child’s growth is natural. How we view it is the journey. How we embrace each moment is what we remember.

We are continually making memories, continually painting the fabric of our lives and one thing stands as the anchor point. Our personal sense of Who We Really Are.

Look backward for a moment and feel yourself there. Are You present or are their times you felt like a shadow of yourself? I think we all have had times when we’ve filled a role rather than shown up as all ourselves and perhaps there’s no greater time than parenthood. Being a parent can sometimes feel like a role to play, but really, when we look back, it’s the times we showed up as ourselves that we remember.

And the moments that create the better feeling moments later are when we showed up in the best of intentions. It’s when we were brave in a crisis, or laughed in the rain. It’s when we forgave and allowed, rather than resented and stormed out. The moments that create the best future are the ones when we are the best versions of ourselves.

Today is a created memory. You might look back at this time in years to come and get a whisp of its essence, like a cool breeze. You will smell something or hear something that may trigger today as a memory. What feeling space will you call up? What will be the overall vibration and will you look back in fondness?

Create a happy tomorrow by creating joy today.

Worrying about the future is done with the head, living present is done with the heart.