5 steps to building on Self Awareness (as the first step towards mindful living)

It's becoming pretty mainstream to practice some form of mindfulness nowadays. Even within our schools, meditation or focus time are replacing the traditional standards of detention or lines in some states and provinces. There is a growing understanding that mindfulness and calm create better mental health and prepares our children to deal with the chaos and turmoil our world can often offer.

But how do we create a solid foundation in mindfulness for our children... not just the action of it?

I mean, it's a wonderful step in the right direction to get children to sit quietly and listen to a guided meditation, or to focus on their breathing but how do we build the awareness for each child so they can appreciate the actual purpose for doing so?

It's a bit like teaching a child how to do math, but not actually helping them understand the reason why they need it or when to apply it within life.

It could also be seen as the philosophy of giving a child a fish to feed them for a day... giving them calm for a moment so their day is successful.

When we have the ability to teach them how to fish and feed them for a lifetime. Our children can be the generation to use mindfulness and conscious living as daily and lifetime tools for happiness.

I can feel you call me an idealist, but honestly, I feel there's one small shift in how we present mindfulness that will make all the difference.

We just need to pass on Self Awareness first.

Self-awareness gives us the navigation skills to sense when we need meditation, when we need positive focus when we could do with quiet or when we would be best to dance out our stresses. Self-awareness works alongside mindfulness to create presence and conscious living, allowing ourselves to sense when we are starting to get stressed or upset by observing rather than reacting.

Imagine when you were a child having the tools to sense when you could do with some quiet time rather than being “told” you need it. Imagine feeling that stress within you to the point of exploding and being able to find your breath and shift to feeling better. How would that have prepared you for the rest of your life?

Sure, maybe I'm an idealist sometimes. We all have off days and we can all jump off the awareness train when life get's busy. But I called this business Spiritual Aware Parenting for the reason that even when we're off, even when we're stressed, even when we aren't thriving, we're aware of the fact that mindfulness can be a tool to help us get back on. We're aware of our own offness when we practice Self Awareness and self knowledge for a little while, which makes hoping back On all the easier.

So, what does that mean? How do we pass on Self Awareness to our children as a foundation for mindful living.

1. Practice it yourself. Example is key within Spiritual/peaceful parenting. Verbally say you are going to get quiet to “feel more like yourself” when you start to get stressed. Journal, create energy focuses with music, find your joy and follow your bliss. Become aware of Who You Are and How to Step into Your Light.

2. Talk about emotions and preferences. Ask for your child's opinions and listen to them.
   Opinions and preferences are extensions of perspectives and perspectives are extensions of self expression, which comes from self-awareness.
3. Open up to a range of experiences and discuss how they feel. Go on nature walks and simply Be. Watch calming movies/shows after watching something faster or louder. Do something that makes you feel excited or exhilarated and compare it to cuddling together reading a book. Contrast builds awareness to how we feel and what we resonate with.
4. Create and explore curiosity. It's easy to brush aside a child's questions during the day, but breaking rhythms and exploring with them opens life up and allows you both to grow and learn.
5. Quiet bedtimes. Consider bringing bedtime 30- 45 minutes forward so you can create it as mindfulness time without calling it that. Make it your own time for presence as well as your child's. Let the energy of the house shift, slowing down and unwinding from the day. Read happy stories and listen to your child's. Allow the energy and peace flow through your home moment by moment and watch as your child adapts to it, becoming aware of how things change in feeling and how it affects them.

Self/Spiritual awareness is about presenting opportunities to feel, observe ourselves, and experience life.

It's about Aha moments. :) It's about thriving rather than surviving.

I'm so passionate about passing on self/spiritual awareness to children (Some people ask why I put self and spirit together... the reason is simply this. We are all Spiritual Beings having a physical experience, not the other way around. Therefore, true self awareness is spiritual awareness.)

That's why there's a whole section dedicated to Self Awareness within my Spiritual Kids course.. to help lay the foundation. Then there's the emotional awareness section as well, which creates a deeper foundation to our children knowing Who They Really Are, and that's not even counting the meditation section. I created the course so Spiritual awareness could be created in layers, step by step... for you as well as your child.

(I actually have had a lot of parents tell me that they've enjoyed the content just as much as their children have. We can all be Spiritual Kids.)

Spiritual Kids is available from the website and there's a special promo on at the moment as well, where if you enroll in Spiritual Kids you also get the mini course “Go from Too Busy to Play to Connection with Your Children.” which is a 7 day e-course delivered to your inbox with exercises and videos to help you be more present with your children even with a long to-do list.

An Alternative Curriculum

Ever since I held our first born daughter in my arms I knew I was going to want to home school our children. I’ve never looked back on the decision, although I have to admit, we’ve had our number of struggles with what curriculum to use and what approach to take.

This was especially true with my second daughter. She was the one who usually had her head in a workbook. Those early years when I thought schoolwork had to be painful and forced meant she wrote her answers with tears streaming down her face. When I finally had the inner realisation that I wanted my children to love learning and have the passion for it to keep learning their whole life, in some ways I had to de-school my second daughter. We turned to creative living and unschooling as an approach for her. She is imaginative, creative, passionate and very tactile. Why read about it when you can play with it, why study and memorise? For her, it has to have life breathed into it so her very spirit sings out with it.

But, with an older sister, who is very pragmatic and academic, it was hard for my creative spirit girl to find a groove. I turned around to find our free floating approach leaving her feeling like she wasn’t smart enough to do “normal work.” It’s fine to tell someone that they work differently, but in the long run, they will look for proof of what they can do.

And then, there was Oak Meadow.

My daughter and I have eyed Oak Meadow for quite sometimes, tiptoeing in and then wondering if it would work for her. But now, with her in Grade 8 and she’s been forcing herself to do workbooks she HATED or programs that barely made sense, she’s felt ahead in some areas and then behind in others, she’s craved a structure, a method, a way to turn around each day and say “yes, I learnt this today and now I am done my lesson.” I tried her on some standard structured programs, but it was dull for her multicoloured mind. Oak Meadow was to be the solution.

Oak Meadow is a Waldorf inspired curriculum with a difference. Its nature and projected based, with lessons in classical literature and approaches, but it also interweaves common core outcomes in all it does. Subjects flow in and out of each other, so to keep a child’s interest and yet achieve the right outcomes and it does so with a sense of grace and beauty you can literally feel it enrich a child’s world when they open each lesson.

Our grade 7 curriculum arrived yesterday and my daughter’s eyes (ok... my eyes as well) sparkled with the excitement of unpacking it.

We chose to do the Grade 7 curriculum for its content. It's world history provides the student with everything from Shakespeare to Amelia Earhart and Martin Luther King, flowing beautifully together with explorations in classical music and art. Projects that have caught my eye in the first perusal include memorising Shakespeare verse, presenting a scene on film, interviewing survivors of WW11, diary entries of historical times, film reviews, as well as an array of essay topics and reports. From what I’ve noticed so far the student is given a choice for each assignment and it can range from creative and artistic to a more traditional essay standard. The English syllabus provides a foundation to support the world history projects, including grammar instruction and words to compile for spelling reviews and proof reading. Science is beautifully laid out, covering some review topics from years before to then launch into astronomy and observation work.

The math is divided in two books, one with instruction and one as a workbook, with a hefty amount of practice sheets so the student feels comfortable and confident before heading to the next topic. Math has always been my girl’s terror subject and she’s been nervous for this official curriculum for that reason. It’s also another reason we ordered a grade lower. Strangely, though, when I look at my local school’s concept of what grade 8 contains, Oak Meadow’s grade 7 covers most of it anyway, proving that it’s a solid academic choice and my daughter is getting a great stepping stone in her education.

From the binding which looks like a traditional spine but is actually spiral bound underneath to the little touches like the small wooden plane to assemble during the study of first flights, we haven’t even properly started and I’m ecstatic!  I’m sure there will be challenges along the way, as my daughter has to go through the growing steps in finding her own rhythm in learning and creating the routine she was desiring. Sometimes, what we say we want looks different when we actually get it, but still, she has been desiring what she knows she needs. The satisfaction is going to be awe-inspiring!

I’m often asked about curriculums for homeschooling and I’ll be doing a number of reviews regarding this one as my daughter progresses through it. We’re starting late in the year, but that’s the homeschooling journey I guess. 

Summer school isn’t such a bad thing when learning is fun.

This is what happens when my daughter cuts my hair

You might have noticed I have a bit of a head of hair. I have to admit, I’ve always liked my hair, it’s full, it’s easy to manage, and as long as I don’t go too creative (I once layered, it was a disaster) it is friendly.

In fact, I’ll let you into a secret... I usually only cut it once a year.

Maybe longer.

I love going to a salon, but it’s one of those things I just never do. Another little fact you might not know about me is that I don’t drive.

Yeah, crazy... I know.

But when I was 16 I lived in downtown Montreal. There was no way I’d learn how to drive there and public transport was a good friend. Then I moved again and was in University, I didn’t want to spend the money to learn when I was studying... and then inspiration led me to my husband and he drove... I got to hold his hand... why would I learn then?

Also learning in the UK, well that sounded complicated. Then I had babies, I’d learn later on, when I wasn’t distracted easily... and so on, and so on. Now... well did I mention I get to hold his hand?

So if I want to get my haircut it turns into a big family venture. Arranging when to go, what everyone is doing while it’s done. It’s not worth it at the moment. It just never happens.

Well, I hit my year and a half point a few weeks ago. My bob had turned long... my ponytail was shabby. It was being uncooperative. It was time for the chop.

So, after our son was in bed (because I draw the line at a 7-year-old barber) I went into my girls’ room with scissors, and asked “Who’s up for it?”

Now I’d done this once before when they were younger... and it had gone fairly well. But then I’d been hesitant about my younger girl doing it. She wasn’t feeling very secure at the time, very focused... so I was a little nervous. However this time around when she asked if she could do it; I knew it was just what she needed.

You see, our second daughter, who’s only 10 months younger than her sister, still has often suffered from middle child insecurities. She’s sensitive and her sister usually hits milestones first. However, I’ve been watching her break free of that over this past year and it excites me. So, I handed the scissors over with ceremony. She was a little nervous, but you should have seen her face when it turned out perfectly even.

Sometimes, offering a little bit of trust mixed in with vulnerability is what our children need from us. When we show up and say “go for it.” And hand over the keys (Hahaha.... what will that day be like if I still haven’t learnt how to drive by then?) or the scissors.

Our girl who always wanted to be little is growing up, and by making that space for her to make mistakes, and then succeed, she is creating her place in this world, with certainty and self-knowledge.

This new year, I ordered the Shining Life and Biz workbooks from Leonie Dawson. Now if you haven’t heard of Leonie, you really should check her out. She’s an artist, author, a mother, and life coach who has put together an academy and these books to unleash each individual’s creativity and sense of self. She’s awesome... and a self-proclaimed Kooky Lady! Anyway, I bought myself the kit and the moment they arrived I knew my daughter should have the life book too. Our eldest didn’t want it, the kookiness didn’t speak to her soul so we got an affirmation colouring book for her instead, but our second daughter is lit up from the inside whenever she opens up the pages and colours in some of the suggested passions, interests or pursuits. It has asked her some self-defining questions and really made her question her goals, interests and her own spiritual connection. At 13, she’s becoming focused as who she is and how she wants to show up in the world.

Together, we’ve started filling in our workbooks and just spending some time together doing soul work. Yeah, we’ve done it before as you know from the Spiritual Kids course, but that was when she was a bit younger. Now she was ready for something a little different... something she doesn’t even show me.

We just sit there together.

So, what happens when I let my daughters cut my hair? It helps us both show up and shine. It creates self-confidence and fun. It reminds her that I trust her, that hair is just hair and grows so there’s little risk (my view anyway, definitely not a lot of women’s, I know) and that life is in the focus and the moment.

Happy New Year everyone!

All I want for the Holidays

You know what I want for Christmas this year?

I want fun.

I want to have a lightness to life and let it flow through my core. I want to giggle and to have belly laughs, like my son can still. I want to goof around, and be silly. It’s not like I stopped being silly on purpose, somewhere  I just thought I got too busy. But that’s ridiculous, isn’t it?

When people describe me, I often get “positive” and “cheerful” in the description... I think I once got “bubbly”... which I thought was kinda neat although... maybe a little concerning! But sometimes, I forget to let that feeling really drop. I forget to let the thoughts actually vibrate... well at a bubbly level. I think we all do this, we skim through life’s offerings ... never fully experiencing the feeling, which can make life kinda bland. It stops the belly laughs, really.

It’s like when I try to figure out if the presents I’m buying my kids are all fairly distributed, and rather than sitting down with pen and paper in hand to figure it out, I try to mentally think about that as well as everything else... the feeling space turns stressful, because it’s unfocused and unfelt. Rather than fun, because I could be really savouring the joy of giving.

 Mindfulness creates focus, but its circular, as it also comes with focus.

I had the most wondrous realisation the other day. I’m married to the love of my life. I dreamt of meeting him since I was 5, and now we’ve been married for 15 years. Woah! How did that happen? Not only that, but I’m a mom to my dream kids, and I get to come up with ways to pass on spirituality to them and share them with other parents, I get to talk practical spirituality and relationships and parenting with people all across the world daily. I get to write and express myself and I live in a world that I can share that in a click of a button. I get to show up as me. I need to let that sink in finally, rather than chasing it, because I haven’t actually realised it.

So often I talk with parents and they talk about being more present in their parenting, and I think coming to terms with this kind of realisation is a big key to that.

Look at what you’ve got, and decide to claim it. Let it sink in.

Appreciate the moment, and know it will change, and most likely get even better, but what you’ve put out for has come to this point, which will bring forth more asking. So, appreciate what you already have in front of you, and let your heart fill and your energy ground you to the floor in the awe of it all.

Because appreciation can be one of those skimming thoughts, can’t it?

We can list off what we have, like a grocery list, and check them off, almost scared that truly appreciating them, loving them to our core, will make us too vulnerable.

Oh, that’s deep, right?

Love makes us vulnerable.

I remember, when my husband and I first met, we felt so vulnerable, because we thought we could lose each other. We could almost feel ourselves pull back out of the fear of not having each other.

How many other things do we do that with? How much of life do we skim over, not wanting to drop into it completely for fear of missing it if it goes away?

So, what’s the point of this letter?

Well, in these darker days of winter, and as winter holidays approach, I want to encourage you to do two things...

Savour those in front of you and let the loving of them, fill you up from your toes. Don’t just make lists about being grateful for them, rather let yourself Feel the love of for each item on that list, let the list build, so you feel elated.

Second thing is, let any stress go and have some fun! It’s time to feel wonderful, it’s time to enjoy the little things, really enjoy them, and it’s time to embrace feeling good! And Live it up.

Imagine for one moment, if the vibration we collectively carried into the New Year was one of Joy.

What would that feel like as a community?

I guess we'll have to wait to see. 

Oh by the way, I’m working on a free video challenge to start the new year off in a feeling good place, I’ll be letting you know more details closer to the date, but I really hope you can join me.

 I think we should all go into 2017 feeling good about ourselves and our families. <3

The Pursuit of Spiritually Aware Parenting

Someone asked me today what my “goal” is in the work I do, and an image flashed across my mind.

It was a pregnant mother to be walking into a spiritual bookstore in Glastonbury over in the UK.

The woman was me.

14 years ago, my husband and I were expecting our first daughter and like some excited school girl I danced into every bookstore I could find, looking for that tool, that golden compass which would help me find the spiritual path I knew pregnancy could be. Up until that point, I’d avidly gobbled up every spiritual book I could find. Before meeting my husband, I’d Marianne Williamson’d, Deepak’d and Dyer’d. I had gone old school with holy books and philosophy leaders and on the flip side, had watched Oprah until the sun went down. I’d even been a screenwriter for a spiritual television

program for children. Spirituality coursed through my veins and I’d met my husband through the most spiritual connection I’d ever experienced, using connection, the law of attraction and intuition.

It seemed like pregnancy should be the same. It felt like parenthood was a holy rite to be passed though and I wanted to meditate through labor and teach yoga to her before she could walk. She would be enlightened and know all the tools I’d been gathering for years, so her life would be golden.

But, I hadn’t counted on the fear, socially inflicted doubt and the fact that my life had sped up and I already felt I was running out of time!

I felt rushed as each trimester passed...I talked and read what I could find but I felt I would never have the quiet I craved and the more I craved it, the more I didn’t know how to savor it when I found it. I felt like a runaway train was behind me that hollered “She’s coming soon and you aren’t lined up yet. Line Up!”

My feeble attempts to have small rituals or make things sacred for our daughter, were done for my own outward show, trying to convince my fearful heart that I would “get it right”, while I really felt that  I really didn’t know what I was doing, or who she was, or who I was going to be as a mom. I wanted to enjoy that time... but it was flying by and tainted with morning sickness. I felt like I was having a shadow experience of something I wanted with all my heart.

I sometimes felt so guilty for feeling like I was failing her and she hadn’t even been born yet.

And so, I wandered into bookstores, looking for the book that hadn’t been written.

And I kept aimlessly looking for a couple of years.

2 daughters later I decided it was time to slow down and tap into the inner resources I’d known all along was within me, but I’d been too nervous to look before. I’d have to dig deeper than I ever had. I’d have to be vulnerable and push back the veil.

For some reason, I thought that parenting was something everyone had figured out already, and I should play by the rules. I might have found true love across the ocean by mere instinct and without any dating experience like everyone else. but parenting... surely I was safest following other people’s lead.

But I finally got it. I couldn’t play a role and feel authentic to myself. I couldn’t have the spiritual experience while pretending to be something else. Trying made no sense. My girls, my husband and I were going to have to live a different story. The veil had to be pulled back. The real me had to emerge.

And so it began... oh it was shaky for awhile I can tell you. The philosophy had to be invented as going, and with a daughter who had iron will, I fell back into old habits more than not. I screamed, I shouted, I guilted and I even shamefully spanked as my own reaction to the lack of control and dictatorship I had (I mean everyone else said I should be in control, was I really supposed to give that up?)

But little by little I remembered Who I was... and who I wanted to be. I remembered I was connected when I felt good, and if fighting felt bad, it wasn’t good.

So I started passing on tools to the girls as I practiced them again for myself. Exercises, games, stories, anything that could offer them emotional awareness. Homeschooling provided us with the best platform for emotional awareness lessons and life tools.

And then I got pregnant with our son.

I went back and redid pregnancy, the way I had wanted to in the first place.  I rewrote the experience and connected to the source within my son by 16 weeks. He was my eyes and ears to how the pregnancy was going. It was enlightened.

Everything rolled together and kept rolling. Our girls were learning how to feel, and to follow their hearts. They became sensitive to how the law of attraction brought in what they were feeling. They became in awe of the world around them, and integrated spirit and magic into near enough everything. The world made sense on a deeper level for them. They did yoga, and learnt how to meditate....

Scratch that... they’d always known how to be the incredible spirits that they are.

Along with our son, they taught me how to allow and move through stages rather than force them.

Behaviour became an indicator of how they were feeling about themselves not how “bad” they were and my stress was a sign that I needed to connect to ME, not to find fault in Them.

There wasn’t any pressure to pass on wisdom, I got to learn some. I got to play more, I got to laugh more.

Life finally slowed down and I could enjoy it feeling fulfilled and authentically me.

And that’s my goal for my work. I want for as many of you as possible to find ease in the chaos and speed of the day. I want you to feel so much deeper than the routine and daily chores. I want to empower children to look for the deeper route in life and to have emotional awareness, knowing themselves so they can navigate through it all. I want love, laughter and ease for everyone.

Is that too much to ask? Maybe. But not too much to try.

Its right around the corner, you know? Just pull aside the veil and see what’s there.

5 Steps to Becoming The Parent You Want to Be

Last week I heard something that blew my mind.

Do you want to know one of the greatest parts of ourselves that hold us back?

What do you think it is? What holds each of us back from becoming the people, the parents, we want to be?

Give up?

Homeostasis.

I’ll let that penny drop for a moment.

Yeah, homeostasis. That system within ourselves that keeps us within our comfort zone... or rather the practiced zone. That system that cools us down when we are too hot and warms us up when we’re too cold. That natural system that keeps us regulated, is also the thing that prevents us from achieving our own self improvement.

Has that hit you as strongly as it did me?

I mean, I’ve always felt that. It makes complete sense. I just never saw it that clearly. I’ve always thought that as Spirits we wanted to achieve more; that we are always learning and growing. I’ve often wondered what force was behind the holding back sensation, the part of us that sighs, goes back to bed and says “I’ll start that new habit tomorrow.”

So, 80% of us wants to stay the same. I don’t mean 80% of us as a group, I mean 80% of ourselves.

We program ourselves to stay the same.

So, each time we react to our children, each time we don’t bother making a list of positive aspects, every time we see through a negative perspective or criticize another even though we feel bad about it... it’ s because there’s a huge part of us that is telling ourselves....

Don’t change. Keep the Same.

I don’t know about you... but on one side that can really upset me, I could feel hopeless and deflated.

But on the other side it empowers me to the hilt.

 Wait, that little voice that encourages me to not bother, or keeps me in my negative patterns is just myself trying to find balance and homeostasis? I can reprogram THAT!

I can now see it for what it really is. I don’t have to listen to it logically break down and convince me to just follow my spirals or bad moods. I don’t have to believe it, and I can darn well ignore it.

In fact, it makes me want to do everything differently. Call me a rebel! LOL

So, with the knowledge that a huge part of us wants to resist any change, I’ve compiled a simple list of 5 top ways of sparking the change we want to see within ourselves; From more positive parenting moments to more self care, let’s take control of our stories!

1)      Do something small. One small change practiced for 2-3 weeks. Do it at the same time every day. Try writing down 5 positive aspects about your day every night before bed. Make sure you do it EVERY NIGHT for at least 2 weeks. New habit.

2)      Support- I’ve learnt that nothing is more incredible than accountability. Share with your partner. Find a friend or group that wants to do the same thing. Tell people on a Favorite Facebook Group (Like the Spiritually Aware Parenting one)or start a group yourself. Anyway create accountability and someone will be there to remind you to keep your promise to yourself.

3)      Have a reminder. From post-its around the house to alarms on your phone do something that is going to break you out of your own sightlines. We all need reminders (remember 80% of ourselves is going to insist we forget.)

4)      Shift it around. If you usually try to clean up before having time with the kids, switch it. Play first. Have fun with it. Eat Lunch food for Dinner and dinner for lunch. Heck, try desert first. Why, because we get to choose, right? I mean you won’t know why it doesn’t work until you try it! Break small routines even just once and you can say you’ve done it. Spirit loves spontaneity!

5)      Forgive yourself. So often we fall back into bad habits and give up for a lost job. But with 80% of your mental programming telling you to give up, then you know that its just neural pathways that need re-programming. Forgive yourself, let it go and get back at it again in the morning.

Remember, our minds can be like wild animals (or chattering monkeys!)  and the best way to train them is with love and gentle guidance. Once we’ve allowed our mind to re-focus onto the direction we want, the rest is easy. It’s just that first break. That first step in control and with so many more people pursuing mindful living, you can always find the support system that works for you. So take that first step... and then take it one step at a time.