Blossoming through their homeschooling journey and curriculum

Summer is coming and what with leaves budding on the trees, the return of hummingbirds and frogs chirping at our river across the road, there’s a sense of newness and of life blossoming. I’m reminded of this within my own family as our son teaches himself how to ride without training wheels (taking them off himself I may add), and as our girls come out of winter hibernation, emerging more like young women than ever.

The other day I was asked by a group member why we homeschooled and it made me stop for a moment. Finally, I replied, that for me, the most important thing I can offer my children is their own sense of self, their own confidence in their unique perspective of the world. I want their education to support this journey, rather than challenge it. I want them to put a priority on knowing themselves and their schooling, the practical things they learn about over these school years needs to be the canvas for them to do that on. Sure, my eldest may have plans to venture out to the school system in a few years, but I know she will have the self-assurance in herself. She knows who she is and who she wants to be. She'll create her own imprint in all she does.

And then there’s her sister. I’ve mentioned my spirited, creative girl a couple of months ago to you. I can’t believe how she’s blossoming these past few months. She’s gone from being my little girl to this aware, sparkling, confident young woman. (ouch... it really does go so fast.)

I mentioned that we had recently started Oak Meadow with our second daughter in a post a couple of months ago. She was eager for the sense of purpose, the weekly tasks and structure at the same time it meets her creative needs, she even finds her own sense of creativity within the creative tasks. (Her first project was on the Tudors, which she combined with stop motion video, an activity she is passionate about, she’s also written stories during her studies in stars, she’s created speeches and explored long works of classical music. She's had projects which have continually brought subjects to life, rather than just being taught.). I am loving how the curriculum leaves room for her to put her own personal stamp on projects. She has a list of things to complete, however, she is given choices in how to explore them in ways that make sure she maintains her interest.

This is actually kind of funny to watch really. Often, in her past homeschooling journey, if she got intimidated or bored of a topic, my daughter would drag her heels and really tell herself the story that she didn’t want to continue with it. I would see this girl come into my room, throw herself on the bed, suddenly really tired and not be able to find that spark of focus so she could continue. But with Oak Meadow it’s different. They are really catching her attention. Oh sure, she comes across some subjects which start to fall into the old pattern. (surprisingly math is no longer one of them. She says she is finally understanding it) The French Revolution started to make her... um... well tired. But once we pulled out the Teacher’s guide, talked about it in conversational tones and used all the tools that are given, she was back in the saddle and finished without another word.

It may seem like I’m going on about the program, but you have no idea the relief it is giving me. For years I’ve watched our daughter, who is so incredibly brilliant with her own processes, perspectives and ways of doing things, I’ve seen her struggle and lose confidence in her ability. And now she’s thriving and feels like she is achieving what she should be. The focus and sense of self that’s creating for her is bleeding into other elements of her life. Even in her art, her play, she’s developing an attention to detail that I’ve never seen with her.

She’s growing up. Suddenly, and beautifully, growing up. But from the inside out. She doesn’t feel like she has to look grown up, and she doesn’t feel she has to act differently either (I can hear her playing something in the other room with her siblings and it’s as crazy and fun as ever.) But, even still she is developing in her own magical way and I am so grateful that Oak Meadow can be a part of that.

If you are thinking of homeschooling, I encourage you to check it out before the 29th, because they are having their annual sale on right now, with 20% off. 

An Alternative Curriculum

Ever since I held our first born daughter in my arms I knew I was going to want to home school our children. I’ve never looked back on the decision, although I have to admit, we’ve had our number of struggles with what curriculum to use and what approach to take.

This was especially true with my second daughter. She was the one who usually had her head in a workbook. Those early years when I thought schoolwork had to be painful and forced meant she wrote her answers with tears streaming down her face. When I finally had the inner realisation that I wanted my children to love learning and have the passion for it to keep learning their whole life, in some ways I had to de-school my second daughter. We turned to creative living and unschooling as an approach for her. She is imaginative, creative, passionate and very tactile. Why read about it when you can play with it, why study and memorise? For her, it has to have life breathed into it so her very spirit sings out with it.

But, with an older sister, who is very pragmatic and academic, it was hard for my creative spirit girl to find a groove. I turned around to find our free floating approach leaving her feeling like she wasn’t smart enough to do “normal work.” It’s fine to tell someone that they work differently, but in the long run, they will look for proof of what they can do.

And then, there was Oak Meadow.

My daughter and I have eyed Oak Meadow for quite sometimes, tiptoeing in and then wondering if it would work for her. But now, with her in Grade 8 and she’s been forcing herself to do workbooks she HATED or programs that barely made sense, she’s felt ahead in some areas and then behind in others, she’s craved a structure, a method, a way to turn around each day and say “yes, I learnt this today and now I am done my lesson.” I tried her on some standard structured programs, but it was dull for her multicoloured mind. Oak Meadow was to be the solution.

Oak Meadow is a Waldorf inspired curriculum with a difference. Its nature and projected based, with lessons in classical literature and approaches, but it also interweaves common core outcomes in all it does. Subjects flow in and out of each other, so to keep a child’s interest and yet achieve the right outcomes and it does so with a sense of grace and beauty you can literally feel it enrich a child’s world when they open each lesson.

Our grade 7 curriculum arrived yesterday and my daughter’s eyes (ok... my eyes as well) sparkled with the excitement of unpacking it.

We chose to do the Grade 7 curriculum for its content. It's world history provides the student with everything from Shakespeare to Amelia Earhart and Martin Luther King, flowing beautifully together with explorations in classical music and art. Projects that have caught my eye in the first perusal include memorising Shakespeare verse, presenting a scene on film, interviewing survivors of WW11, diary entries of historical times, film reviews, as well as an array of essay topics and reports. From what I’ve noticed so far the student is given a choice for each assignment and it can range from creative and artistic to a more traditional essay standard. The English syllabus provides a foundation to support the world history projects, including grammar instruction and words to compile for spelling reviews and proof reading. Science is beautifully laid out, covering some review topics from years before to then launch into astronomy and observation work.

The math is divided in two books, one with instruction and one as a workbook, with a hefty amount of practice sheets so the student feels comfortable and confident before heading to the next topic. Math has always been my girl’s terror subject and she’s been nervous for this official curriculum for that reason. It’s also another reason we ordered a grade lower. Strangely, though, when I look at my local school’s concept of what grade 8 contains, Oak Meadow’s grade 7 covers most of it anyway, proving that it’s a solid academic choice and my daughter is getting a great stepping stone in her education.

From the binding which looks like a traditional spine but is actually spiral bound underneath to the little touches like the small wooden plane to assemble during the study of first flights, we haven’t even properly started and I’m ecstatic!  I’m sure there will be challenges along the way, as my daughter has to go through the growing steps in finding her own rhythm in learning and creating the routine she was desiring. Sometimes, what we say we want looks different when we actually get it, but still, she has been desiring what she knows she needs. The satisfaction is going to be awe-inspiring!

I’m often asked about curriculums for homeschooling and I’ll be doing a number of reviews regarding this one as my daughter progresses through it. We’re starting late in the year, but that’s the homeschooling journey I guess. 

Summer school isn’t such a bad thing when learning is fun.

Wouldn't it be nice.... if?

We all have desires and wishes, for our family and for ourselves.

We all see things we don’t like within our lives, which we get used to complaining or grumbling about on the surface, and yet, stuck in our patterns of homeostasis, we are unwittingly unable to shift to that which we’ve wished for.

 We are told to find the feeling space of the ideal, the vibration of the desired outcome for our children, our home or ourselves, but sometimes that is too big of thing to find. Sometimes it feels too far away to feel it. Sometimes we don’t want to think of it, worried that the “wish” will get pushed away if we focus on it.

When people start learning about the law of attraction they sometimes worry  about every thought and word. They suck them back, scared to let their thoughts settle on anything for more than a second. Or they got caught up in the search for what they Really wanted, closing more options than opening up to them.

Because, although we might have things we don’t like, often we just can’t see our way out of living with them. We are designed for balance, for maintaining that sameness, not too hot, not too cold... just the same.

But we all want to unleash the power of those hidden desires. The ones that just would make life feel better, even if we can’t put our fingers on exactly what they are.

Do you want a little trick to tapping into them?

Try finishing the sentence: Wouldn’t it be nice if.....

Just try. I’ll wait here.

See the interesting thing about finishing off that thought, is that it acts like a door to our imagination and our subconscious. We are literally asking our spirit what do you want?

But without the weight of logically breaking it down, making lists or really committing to it.

We are just asking our spirit, what would you like to experience...

What would be nice for you?

Not, spectacular, not detailed extravaganza. It can be as general as you like, or as specific.

The only rule... it has to feel nice.

Where does the phrase take you?

Wouldn’t it be nice to have everyone play well together? Wouldn’t it be nice if we had more money?

Wouldn’t it be nice if I could offer my children more opportunities? Wouldn’t it be nice to travel?

Wouldn’t it be nice to have more time? Wouldn’t it be nice to go on a date? Wouldn’t it be nice to have more room? Wouldn’t it be nice to find a great school? To homeschool?

Sometimes even starting a phrase with I wish... leaves us with a bad taste in our mouths. It feels like we aren’t appreciating what we already have, it leaves us feeling dissatisfied with our life.

The simple phase of Wouldn’t it be nice, suggests to our lovely friend homestasis that we are playing a game with ourselves so we have a free pass to imagine new changes without trying to shift out of our usual day to day patterns. Instead our imagination lets go and we are taken to places we didn’t really let sink into our plans.

And then we let them go.

Let them go in a good way.

Now, it’s important not to let that little niggling voice in, the one that says “oh how could that happen?”

So, simply reply to it... “I’m just saying it would be nice. Let the universe figure out the hows.”

Because really, that’s the trick isn’t it. We are active components in this life. There are a million ways things can transpire. I mean, I was just hearing  a real life story of someone having a bag of money fall of a truck! It’s about alignment, not plans.

So, even if it’s as simple as having a more organized house, the simple phrase;

Wouldn’t it be nice if the house was more organized?

Acts like a genie as you can focus on what that feels like without effort.

Such a better feeling than...

I wish the house was cleaner.... (sigh)

Or

The house is always disorganized... I’m the one who always cleans up....  (ugh!!!!)

Wouldn’t it be nice if...

 Releases, relaxes and requests.

 And then allows you to see how it unfolds.

5 Steps to Becoming The Parent You Want to Be

Last week I heard something that blew my mind.

Do you want to know one of the greatest parts of ourselves that hold us back?

What do you think it is? What holds each of us back from becoming the people, the parents, we want to be?

Give up?

Homeostasis.

I’ll let that penny drop for a moment.

Yeah, homeostasis. That system within ourselves that keeps us within our comfort zone... or rather the practiced zone. That system that cools us down when we are too hot and warms us up when we’re too cold. That natural system that keeps us regulated, is also the thing that prevents us from achieving our own self improvement.

Has that hit you as strongly as it did me?

I mean, I’ve always felt that. It makes complete sense. I just never saw it that clearly. I’ve always thought that as Spirits we wanted to achieve more; that we are always learning and growing. I’ve often wondered what force was behind the holding back sensation, the part of us that sighs, goes back to bed and says “I’ll start that new habit tomorrow.”

So, 80% of us wants to stay the same. I don’t mean 80% of us as a group, I mean 80% of ourselves.

We program ourselves to stay the same.

So, each time we react to our children, each time we don’t bother making a list of positive aspects, every time we see through a negative perspective or criticize another even though we feel bad about it... it’ s because there’s a huge part of us that is telling ourselves....

Don’t change. Keep the Same.

I don’t know about you... but on one side that can really upset me, I could feel hopeless and deflated.

But on the other side it empowers me to the hilt.

 Wait, that little voice that encourages me to not bother, or keeps me in my negative patterns is just myself trying to find balance and homeostasis? I can reprogram THAT!

I can now see it for what it really is. I don’t have to listen to it logically break down and convince me to just follow my spirals or bad moods. I don’t have to believe it, and I can darn well ignore it.

In fact, it makes me want to do everything differently. Call me a rebel! LOL

So, with the knowledge that a huge part of us wants to resist any change, I’ve compiled a simple list of 5 top ways of sparking the change we want to see within ourselves; From more positive parenting moments to more self care, let’s take control of our stories!

1)      Do something small. One small change practiced for 2-3 weeks. Do it at the same time every day. Try writing down 5 positive aspects about your day every night before bed. Make sure you do it EVERY NIGHT for at least 2 weeks. New habit.

2)      Support- I’ve learnt that nothing is more incredible than accountability. Share with your partner. Find a friend or group that wants to do the same thing. Tell people on a Favorite Facebook Group (Like the Spiritually Aware Parenting one)or start a group yourself. Anyway create accountability and someone will be there to remind you to keep your promise to yourself.

3)      Have a reminder. From post-its around the house to alarms on your phone do something that is going to break you out of your own sightlines. We all need reminders (remember 80% of ourselves is going to insist we forget.)

4)      Shift it around. If you usually try to clean up before having time with the kids, switch it. Play first. Have fun with it. Eat Lunch food for Dinner and dinner for lunch. Heck, try desert first. Why, because we get to choose, right? I mean you won’t know why it doesn’t work until you try it! Break small routines even just once and you can say you’ve done it. Spirit loves spontaneity!

5)      Forgive yourself. So often we fall back into bad habits and give up for a lost job. But with 80% of your mental programming telling you to give up, then you know that its just neural pathways that need re-programming. Forgive yourself, let it go and get back at it again in the morning.

Remember, our minds can be like wild animals (or chattering monkeys!)  and the best way to train them is with love and gentle guidance. Once we’ve allowed our mind to re-focus onto the direction we want, the rest is easy. It’s just that first break. That first step in control and with so many more people pursuing mindful living, you can always find the support system that works for you. So take that first step... and then take it one step at a time.

Taking Care of Your Story

 Everyone... yes, everyone... will occasionally find life challenging and yes, that includes our children who have a hard time, through new experiences, growing pains, learning curves, lost toys, scrapped knees or  friends.

Sometimes, we can find ourselves overwhelmed, juggling too many balls in the air to count and wondering how to keep things afloat.

And sometimes, we all feel a good vent is a great and healthy thing.

Of course.

And it is. It really is. It’s good to put all the ducks in a row and really get through the cloud of what’s bothering us and state it loud and clear.

Name it well.

But the next step is often forgotten, because once the issue that’s troubling us is out in the open, two things happen.

First, it can easily become our story for ourselves. We’ve told it once, and now it keeps happening, and we see evidence that backs it up all over the place. We’ve complained that no one ever picks up after themselves... next morning, there are toys all over the living room... In becoming part of our story it is part of the fabric of our lives... the law of attraction takes hold, bringing in more of the feeling we carry, the focus we hold. unless we choose not to let it.

Second of all, it becomes our story for other people.

How often have we vented everything out to a friend or family member and then next week, when we’ve adjusted and felt better, they notice something in our experience...

“Oh yeah, they are messy, aren’t they? Just look at the mess.”

A lovely story reminder... our perspective has shifted and suddenly we see the mess again.

Or, when life is especially full of balls to juggle, subtle comments like..

“I don’t know how you do it?” can make us question ourselves.

“hmmm. I don’t know how I do it either.”

Comments which may come from a place of support actually ring out as something much different. The focus becomes about how well we deal in struggle... but the struggle is what is the basic theme.

It also happens with our children. When they feel unpopular at school, or feel like they can’t do well at something. When they lose things or go through a hard time. We can see their upset as their story and alter things to “support” them, only to hold them in a place of that painful moment. We want to validate how they feel, but in the meantime, can hold them in the space of that feeling, rather than helping them shift to something new.

There was an Abraham Hicks Quote about this on their facebook page today it read;

“The greatest gift you could give to anyone you love, is the gift of positive expectation.”

Imagine, if every complaint or vent, was a stop sign, a reset button. A sign that said;

This is how it’s been and because of that, I know another story.”

And the new story was what was supported and nurtured.

What if we had the capacity of holding space for others to the point of seeing what they have created from what they have experienced?

What if every messy house conversation bounced off to a place of appreciating and supporting each attempt at keeping clean? What if every one of our children’s disappointments bounced off to a place of looking for opportunities of wellbeing flowing in?

And what if each problem created a support system for the seeking of a solution.

We don’t want to push positive to the point of denial... pushing a happy face on our children to the point of burying their pain. That’s not going to create any happy journeys. Rather, the razor edge path is about gradually shifting from a place of upset, banging the drum of disappointment, and when it feels like it’s just hit that point of enough... shift to solution based, trust in wellbeing, gradually moving towards feeling good vibration. I call my process the At Least Game.

It’s not that difficult and I want to quickly offer a focus point to do it with your children. You might have heard me mention it before, but it’s a good reminder.

Simply start 5 sentences with the words At Least.

Try it. You can’t help but feel a shift in feeling space. The tension feels less tense. The juggling seems less overwhelming. Even the mess seems less messy (at least my room is clean. At least no one did any baking. At least I have a vaccum, at least I can play awesome music through the house. At least I have a family to make that mess.)

And, what a way to hold space for other people too; for friends, neighbors, anyone who is upset... for our children.

Take care of your story, which is created by the story you tell yourself. Every story has struggle, but only for character development. The stories are only happy when focused on the solution.

5 Steps to Less Screen Time

It’s everywhere, and yes, even sometimes in my own house.

Screentime overdose.

It doesn’t take all of the studies that exist to know that our children, and ourselves, are glued to our screens too often. We’re missing out on present moment living due to computers, smartphones, and television. Remember how on weekends, streets used to be lined with children playing? Now, often residential areas are like ghost towns, just because everyone is stuck inside.

And it’s not just our children. We can’t say it is. Facebook and notifications distract us from our family and we offer nothing but an example of distraction; distraction from life itself.

I would love to say that I was a parent that had kept electronics from my children. I was so close, our daughters were 8 before they had ever tried a computer game. Living off grid for a long period of time, without highspeed internet, had kept everything pretty limited. But then we moved, got busy, they had homeschool programs online, we got a shop, and soon our boy wanted to take part in games with his sisters... boom. We were lost.

It happens. It spirals. My last hooray is staying away from smartphones simply because I don’t want to tempt myself.

Life. That’s what’s at risk here. Life and tools for life. I’ve felt my way to the point that, for me, it’s not about keeping my children away from technology, it’s part of their generational make-up, rather I need to help them use it with awareness. We have the opportunity to offer our children solutions, awareness to their focus and attention, as well as, hey, a serious amount of fun play  time. Life flips by while we scan newsfeeds and cat videos... not to mention the numbing effect of violent video games and the emotional turmoil experienced by children in the name of entertainment.  But what’s scarier... if something can be... is the fact that “if you don’t lose it you lose it.” If you don’t know how to follow passions, interests, and wonderment, you lose the ability to experience it at all.

So, here’s my list of 5 things you can do to start curbing screentime. (and please note, there’s not really any “enforced” abandonment of screens entirely. In order to offer awareness and tools for life, we can’t simply restrict and take away. In many ways that simply encourages our children to do it anyway, but not get caught. However, it also means that building awareness takes some time. This isn’t a quick fix and it shouldn’t be. Its foundation building and therefore, a little time makes it a little stronger.)

1)      Play with contrasts.

 Start to draw attention to the emotional affects on each other of computers and games and even tv shows. Become the experiment. As a family, what happens if you only do screens after lunch or at certain times? What happens if you only go on AFTER you go for a walk and get some exercise... why does it feel better? What feels better? How does it affect how you feel and the general feel of the house? Also, if you’re struggling with television screen time, talk about the different feelings of different shows. What do fast and loud shows feel like, compared to slow ones? Look for differences in behaviour when your children are taking part in one form of entertainment and another. When you take part with the contrasting experiences your children aren’t feeling TOLD what to do or feel, but are observing it themselves and then can start to make conscious decisions on what works for each person. This is Screen/emotional education.

2)      Find alternatives.

When we don’t use it, we lose it. If we just tell our kids to get off of the screen, chances are they will be baffled at what to do instead. This isn’t 30 years ago, when childhood was filled with finding things to do. Our children live in a time when they are told what they can do. Chances are few of us still feel comfortable with our children taking off and not telling us where they are going. So, what do they fill their days with? What interests them, sparks them, excites them? What about hobbies and crafts and a huge stack of wood out the back that they can make whatever they want out of. Providing alternatives is providing opportunities... and what’s surprising is that, with those opportunities and alternatives, they rarely want to chose the screen instead. CREATIVE LIVING... is the name of the game.

3)      Be the example.

 It’s true. Each time we don’t know what to do with ourselves and we choose Facebook instead (my personal demon) of finding something creative ourselves... even just playing with our kids, or meditating under the stars, we are saying that life needs to be distracted from. Each time we say “just a minute” because we are surfing the net... we give the permission for our children to zone out on a screen. Ouch. But so true.

4)      Do a family challenge. No Screens (NONE!) for a week.

 Go camping, turn off the wifi, turn off the electricity, do whatever it takes. But just get away from it for one week. Stock up on books and board games... go on midnight walks and crazy times. Have fun. Let awareness build all by itself.

5)      Turn your attention to your children’s time OFF of screens. The truth is that the law of attraction works with everything and the more we notice what’s not working, the more we notice it... more and more and more. Same too though, the more you notice what is working... the cuddle up bedtimes when you talk together, the morning breakfast when everyone chats, or the walks with the dog when everyone gets exercise, the more those will happen, and the more you will notice. If you are totally focused on how much your family is in front of a screen, then no matter how much everyone tries to get off of them, you’ll never notice. The Law of attraction makes it so. So, start looking out for the moments of connection and play... you might be pleasantly surprised.

The Unbeaten Path

Our children are seen and VERY heard. In fact, they are loud. And no matter how much we might want to pull our hair out, spanking or any physical punishment is by no means an option.

We’re a different breed of parents. We’ve morphed from the “Obey your mother and father” doctrine and found a new unbeaten path. We might find it a little muddy sometimes, but we don’t look back. We grew up in homes where democracy was laughed at. It was a dictatorship, with a parent as the leader. We didn’t question, we didn’t express our opinions, rather we saved it for a time when we were “rebellious teens,” our parents found they couldn’t control us and we finally found our voice.

We had our babies and we looked at them with humility. We saw them as precious beings, new here, but old in spirit, we saw them as knowledgeable, as wise, and we saw an opportunity for us to learn from them how to love and live simply. We wanted to see the world with their wonder.

 We don’t want to crush them. We don’t ask them to conform to what others think is the right way. We don’t ask them what they want to do when they grow up, as we’ve decided they can be and do everything and anything. Our boys can wear dresses and paint their rooms pink, our girls can too... or they can shave their heads, skateboard, and paint their rooms blue. We’ve gotten rid of stereotypes, and have-tos.  We want to enjoy our time with our kids as it seems to go so quickly.

Yet, yes there are days that the noise and commotion can have us more dazed than a stun gun. We love the idea of a team, a family unit, working together for a common good, but our children often don’t understand the philosophy. When being born into an unrestricted environment, where rules are limited and fun encouraged, its understandable why chaos can sometimes be the result and yet we plod on, sure that it can’t be that far left to have just a happy go lucky family who gets along.

They aren’t always the serene angels that we held in our arms that first day. They decide they like to play rough and can karate chop as if they are reincarnations of Bruce Lee, even though we’ve never exposed them to it. They talk back to us, and make us feel silly, knowing just how to expose our insecurities and yet they don’t mean it, just speaking their mind. You know, like we weren’t suppose to. We see it as rebellion or bad behavior, but remind ourselves to wait for it to pass. Things pass through stages... right. It’s not about control we spit through our clenched teeth.

We lose it sometimes. We feel guilty when we raise our voice, yet wonder if the power struggle still exists, as our children can shout without remorse. We encourage communication, we talk about feelings. We remember watching Mr. Rogers and tip our hats off to him for making it look so easy.

But we know who they are. They aren’t little devils as our parents might think, they are explorers and adventurers. They bring us wild weed bouquets and tell us it will all be alright when they see us stressed. They give chubby arm hugs and tell us we’re the best in the world. They aren’t filled with anger. They aren’t brats. They are living in a playful moment, which sometimes goes wrong. It is a life of learning.

But then our children grow. They grow and as they grow they get interested in new things. Suddenly it’s not about running around wildly, tracking mud through the house and catching ladybugs as pets. We find ourselves with a moment, when remarkably everyone is in their own beds, reading to themselves or playing quietly, dreaming their own dreams. We find ourselves peeking into their rooms to see them happy and content, or spying on them while they are with friends seeing them take part in the world with a sense of self confidence and clarity like we never had.

And then it happens. They friend us on Facebook, they come in to chat about whatever is on their mind. We are their confidant, their friend and their sound box. We listen and suggest, antidote our own mistakes and support them through theirs. We see them as a friend. We request help for a happy home, which they agree to, because they know the concept of a team effort for a common goal.

It’s an unbeaten path, without a map or guide book. It has no guide for one main reason. We knew it the first time we looked into their eyes. We are each our own individual selves and our children are their own selves too. We, like any relationship, are people who are on the journey of life together. Therefore, our journey, together, is the unmarked territory, that we get to discover, together.

The Art of Boredom

My boy isn’t impressed when I express pride every time he announces “I’m bored.” At five years old he’s reached a new plateau and its one that has him slightly confused. When he was a baby signs of restlessness were greeted with me singing with him, bouncing on my knee or introducing new sights or sounds. Toddlerhood had his own explorations, but sometimes I would come in to set up a new sensory table, a new activity. As he grew a little more, he looked to his sisters for amusement, getting involved in their games, getting them to play with him, trying to be twelve rather than four. He has played and played and played, frustratingly never learning or moving forward, but having quality time with his sisters. But now at five and a half, he’s wiser. He’s played great games with all of us and he wants to do more, but he’s developed preference on what he likes to play and simply joining in to other people’s stories, just isn’t cutting it. His old games and toys, don’t seem to offer amusement and so often we just won’t do what he wants us to do. So, the wail of “I’m bored” follows.

And his mother says, “I’m so glad”, and I am.

Our children aren’t bored enough now days. We as parents seem to feel it’s our job to amuse, to set up and distract. Sure, I play. I can often be found on a bed driving some imaginary bus and saving some stuffed toys from some horrible fate, but then I stop for a bit, or sit on the “bus” and read, while he rides, drives and saves. I’ll offer options, but he’s five now and my instincts have told me, it’s time to enable, but not to amuse.

Remember car trips?  Remember staring out the window for sometimes days, watching the world wiz by and imagining everything under the sun, even just swearing you’d never take your children on road trips?

Remember going shopping with our mothers, or waiting for them to get their hair done? Remember playing with our fingers, as they were the only amusement, literally, on hand?

Now, we seem to do everything in our power to make sure our children aren’t bored. We offer them toys or iphones, we offer them treats to distract them or simply get other people to take care of them while we shop, so it goes smoother and they don’t get bored, because that would be a disaster. But who is it a disaster for? Is it really that bad for them that they are bored, or is it the inconvenience for us that make us avoid it so frantically?

Boredom offers opportunity. It is our spirit’s way of saying I have room here. I have space where I can do something different. I want to try something new. I’m ready for the next adventure. Boredom says let’s try something crazy. Boredom is the imagination’s invitation to come out and play. That’s why our parents did well to offer us that tub of clay or simple blocks to compete with boredom; they are tools for the imagination, rather than amusement or distraction for it.

Our children are children at an important time. Some say that when 85% of them retire from their careers, those jobs haven’t even been invented yet. Their imaginations have to be razor sharp, yet we live in a world that can actually blunt it. Boredom invites them to find solutions to problems, even if it’s just jumping on their bed chanting I’m bored! Boredom asks them to ask themselves what they think, what they want to do, whereas computers, iphones and most toys of today tell them what to do and not to think about it.

Well my son hates being told what to do, and although he’s been allowed to experiment with a few computer games, he’s come to the conclusion that they don’t leave much room for him to make the rules. His sisters don’t like him to make the rules either. But his imagination does. His stuffed toys do.

He still might not be too impressed with my “Yay for boredom” attitude and he’s a little confused when I say, “Hey squint you eyes and watch the light dance”. But he’s getting there.

And I still will join in a game every once and awhile, as long as his amusement isn’t depending on me to play. I’ll join in for my own amusement knowing he is strong and smart enough to create his own.