Positive Parenting when it gets tough!

I’ll be honest, when I first started on the road of “positive parenting", I had no idea there was a term for it.
I’d never heard of “attachment” parenting or “RIE”… all I knew was that when I got mad or frustrated with my children it felt horrible… and my instincts told me that it felt horrible because I was just mad my kids weren’t doing what I wanted them to do, and that made me feel like a bad parent. .
 At the root of it all, I was needing them to change to make me happy.
Which meant I was telling them that other people were the cause of our happiness or unhappiness. I would raise people who couldn't find their own inner joy. 

(Check out this amazing Positive Parenting Course Bundle available NOW... but only until Wednesday Nov. 29th! (over $1000 worth of positive parenting courses for $97!)

So, I had to find a different path which would build: 
1) A positive parenting relationship between myself and my kids.
2) A perspective of parenting which offered the positive message for my children that they were perfect just as they are.
​ And
 3) A positive perspective of myself. I had to learn that I was allowed to be Me… with all my foibles and isms, that make me ME.
When a child sees their parent being authentic, they know they are allowed to be themselves.
And for me, that’s what positive parenting really is… actually that’s what positive Living really is.

But then, we have the actual parenting part. It can be so easy to research positive parenting, but the application can be so much more complicated

. Life gets messy. Life can get Really Messy. How do we navigate through that? What are the steps we can take to be Positive Parents, especially at busy times and holiday times when the pressure is on?

If you noticed my number 3 above, you’ll see I had to find a positive perspective of myself. I had to be Me. When I could connect to being me and not some superficial concept of “mom” I had the foundation to fall back on. The lens to put on. The connection to call upon when life gets tough. 
And it does get tough. Life is fast. Sometimes things chug along in all blissfulness, but a child will have an off day. They will get stressed and so will we, but that's often where the learning takes place.
 That is actually a huge part of positive parenting: understanding that even the tough moments have purpose.

In each off, tempery, fiery, crazy and chaotic moment with our kids, we know that we can stop in our tracks. Its ok to have an off moment and to feel anxious, worried, or sad. It’s an opportunity to learn and grow together. Negative emotion is nothing more than an indicator that we aren’t seeing through our spiritual perspective. If we try to push the indicator away, we can’t listen to it.

OK… but some real tips… How can we positively parent in the rush of it all?

1) First, know that energy matches energy, so when a child is frantic, we can practice finding our inner calm, breathing deep and bringing in a different feeling space of love. We don’t have to go into the situation with panic and trailblazing.
Our children might be scared of their own feelings. With us remaining grounded will support them and light the path back to stability.

2) Listen. Listening to our children’s experiences, emotions and thoughts gives them a space to express and explore what they really are going through.

3) And then offer. We can offer tools to feel better, we can offer a hug… we can even offer solutions like quiet spaces or car rides to leave the situation entirely. But also, when our children are in disagreement with us we can offer them our WHY. Because often the very reason they say no to us is because they don't understand what we are suggesting, or they are trapped in their own thought processes. 
Give opportunity to shift to a better feeling space, without forcing them to feel better. Shine a light in the emotional darkness.

Positive parenting means that our children don’t have to navigate who they are alone. They can explore themselves and the world of emotions and life supported and held.

Also… always remember that children live in the moment. 
The future and past are abstract concepts and often feel overwhelming. This is why holidays and celebrations often don’t work for young children, because the moment of seeing beautiful snowflakes can be just as exciting and wondrous for a small child as any Christmas morning… so… we can remind ourselves to see the wonder in every moment as well. We can train ourselves to see through the eyes of a child and enjoy the world for its everyday… not just on a special day.

I think the most beautiful part about positive parenting vs conventional parenting is the knowledge that it isn’t about getting results from our children, rather acknowledging the journey we are all on.
When we want our children to give results (such as good behavior and manners)for our own comfort we skip all the important steps that the challenging moments can offer us. But when we remember the journey of life and look for the tools of love and support we can offer them, our parenting becomes a foundation building experience, which leads to the confident, loving and positive focused adults our children can become.

(Positive parenting is such a wide, exciting topic and appears in so many ways. It’s a wonderful experience to explore and consistently learn about it. This Monday (27th) to Wednesday (29th) you have an amazing opportunity to expand your positive parenting toolbox.
You can get over $1000 worth of positive parenting courses and all their material for only $97 with this Premium Positive Parenting E-course Bundle.. This is really a once in a lifetime sort of chance, with courses by Dr. Laura Markham and other amazing experts. and I can’t encourage you enough to check it out.)

5 steps to building on Self Awareness (as the first step towards mindful living)

It's becoming pretty mainstream to practice some form of mindfulness nowadays. Even within our schools, meditation or focus time are replacing the traditional standards of detention or lines in some states and provinces. There is a growing understanding that mindfulness and calm create better mental health and prepares our children to deal with the chaos and turmoil our world can often offer.

But how do we create a solid foundation in mindfulness for our children... not just the action of it?

I mean, it's a wonderful step in the right direction to get children to sit quietly and listen to a guided meditation, or to focus on their breathing but how do we build the awareness for each child so they can appreciate the actual purpose for doing so?

It's a bit like teaching a child how to do math, but not actually helping them understand the reason why they need it or when to apply it within life.

It could also be seen as the philosophy of giving a child a fish to feed them for a day... giving them calm for a moment so their day is successful.

When we have the ability to teach them how to fish and feed them for a lifetime. Our children can be the generation to use mindfulness and conscious living as daily and lifetime tools for happiness.

I can feel you call me an idealist, but honestly, I feel there's one small shift in how we present mindfulness that will make all the difference.

We just need to pass on Self Awareness first.

Self-awareness gives us the navigation skills to sense when we need meditation, when we need positive focus when we could do with quiet or when we would be best to dance out our stresses. Self-awareness works alongside mindfulness to create presence and conscious living, allowing ourselves to sense when we are starting to get stressed or upset by observing rather than reacting.

Imagine when you were a child having the tools to sense when you could do with some quiet time rather than being “told” you need it. Imagine feeling that stress within you to the point of exploding and being able to find your breath and shift to feeling better. How would that have prepared you for the rest of your life?

Sure, maybe I'm an idealist sometimes. We all have off days and we can all jump off the awareness train when life get's busy. But I called this business Spiritual Aware Parenting for the reason that even when we're off, even when we're stressed, even when we aren't thriving, we're aware of the fact that mindfulness can be a tool to help us get back on. We're aware of our own offness when we practice Self Awareness and self knowledge for a little while, which makes hoping back On all the easier.

So, what does that mean? How do we pass on Self Awareness to our children as a foundation for mindful living.

1. Practice it yourself. Example is key within Spiritual/peaceful parenting. Verbally say you are going to get quiet to “feel more like yourself” when you start to get stressed. Journal, create energy focuses with music, find your joy and follow your bliss. Become aware of Who You Are and How to Step into Your Light.

2. Talk about emotions and preferences. Ask for your child's opinions and listen to them.
   Opinions and preferences are extensions of perspectives and perspectives are extensions of self expression, which comes from self-awareness.
3. Open up to a range of experiences and discuss how they feel. Go on nature walks and simply Be. Watch calming movies/shows after watching something faster or louder. Do something that makes you feel excited or exhilarated and compare it to cuddling together reading a book. Contrast builds awareness to how we feel and what we resonate with.
4. Create and explore curiosity. It's easy to brush aside a child's questions during the day, but breaking rhythms and exploring with them opens life up and allows you both to grow and learn.
5. Quiet bedtimes. Consider bringing bedtime 30- 45 minutes forward so you can create it as mindfulness time without calling it that. Make it your own time for presence as well as your child's. Let the energy of the house shift, slowing down and unwinding from the day. Read happy stories and listen to your child's. Allow the energy and peace flow through your home moment by moment and watch as your child adapts to it, becoming aware of how things change in feeling and how it affects them.

Self/Spiritual awareness is about presenting opportunities to feel, observe ourselves, and experience life.

It's about Aha moments. :) It's about thriving rather than surviving.

I'm so passionate about passing on self/spiritual awareness to children (Some people ask why I put self and spirit together... the reason is simply this. We are all Spiritual Beings having a physical experience, not the other way around. Therefore, true self awareness is spiritual awareness.)

That's why there's a whole section dedicated to Self Awareness within my Spiritual Kids course.. to help lay the foundation. Then there's the emotional awareness section as well, which creates a deeper foundation to our children knowing Who They Really Are, and that's not even counting the meditation section. I created the course so Spiritual awareness could be created in layers, step by step... for you as well as your child.

(I actually have had a lot of parents tell me that they've enjoyed the content just as much as their children have. We can all be Spiritual Kids.)

Spiritual Kids is available from the website and there's a special promo on at the moment as well, where if you enroll in Spiritual Kids you also get the mini course “Go from Too Busy to Play to Connection with Your Children.” which is a 7 day e-course delivered to your inbox with exercises and videos to help you be more present with your children even with a long to-do list.

I missed the mark...but now it's time to Align and Shine!

I missed my mark...

I skipped a cue and I was a little disconnected....

I'm sorry... but it will be worth it.

See, the thing is, that for the past few months I’ve known a New Years challenge was something I really wanted to do, but because I was swarming in work and...well... it wasn’t new years eve yet, I came up with the processes in kind of a half minded way. I did it via the steps I’m “supposed” to follow, the way coaches do it and the “Embrace Feeling Good” challenge was created. But it hasn’t been resonating or coming together at all. In fact, I was supposed to get my filming done before Christmas break, and it hasn’t flowed yet.

What I love about my work is the fact that as I offer tools to be authentic to yourself, that means I have to use the tools to be authentic to myself. I don’t offer anything I don’t do myself. Everything we work on together, has to come from an inner calling... otherwise, it’s not spiritually aware, right?

Isn’t that the best cycle!

So, over the last couple of days I’ve been asking Spirit to flood the concept and really show me what it should be. What is really going to set 2017 up with a solid foundation of love? What is going to Feel Good... (like the original challenge concept) and yet, be about clearing space, feeling authentically true and feeling good because we are aligned to the highest versions of ourselves? How can we show up this year, with a basement of love, of relief and of honesty... honesty in ourselves and where we are?

So, it starts here... Honesty in myself.

I am shifting the challenge to a little different... now it’s not just about feeling good...

It’s about Showing up.

Showing up as Ourselves for 2017.

http://www.subscribepage.com/alignandshine2017

The truth is, the world is going through a lot of changes. It’s not about feeling fearful as we cross the threshold of the new year, sure world events and social media might have us think that’s the only way to be, but I believe it’s an important time to radiate out as much love as possible.

And there is no purer light than for you to show up as You. It’s not about looking at the dark parts of the world or the negative stories and talking about how you don’t like them, (which we can all fall into) rather just shining as you.... focusing on the positive light, shining it bright, telling the feeling better story and well... feeling good,  the perfect antidote for an uncertain time.

When we are all resonating as our truest, deepest versions of ourselves, unapologetically, knowing that we are connected to our Spiritual guides/God/Source/inner being... then that is how we create a better home, a better world and a happier life for all our family. It’s also the tools our children need to resonate as themselves too. We all need to support each other to have the courage to shine as Who We Really Are.

So, this is the new sense of a “challenge”... but rather than a “challenge”, let’s go back to the term New Years Intention... this is the intention for 2017. AND YOU CAN SIGN UP HERE!

And we’re starting with a strong foundation... a basement of knowing who we are... who we aren’t... and freeing ourselves to be the best Self... the best parent/partner/friend/person we can radiate as.

Sounds an intense calling for a video “intention”?

Not at all.... We’ll be doing it aligned and easy. A few exercises, a few videos, and sharing with each other on  FB... we’ll be laying the foundations for a good year where we can radiate. It will feel liberating, relieving... and clear. You’ll feel lighter, and ready to creating an amazing 2017.

I hope you join me... because this is going to be awesome... It’s going to Feel Awesome and its going to flow.

Because... you know, it just feels right.

Oh yeah, one last thing...

It felt right to put on a Boxing day special for the Spiritual Kids Course... a little illogical when you consider I’ve been offline basically for a week and I haven’t been able to talk about it or build it up. But it’s on for $97 until January 6th (instead of $147). I figure that most of the exercises are what I’ve used to start the New Years for my children over the years. There is something about going through the processes of exploring who we are and what we appreciate, how we find our inner selves and how to set a good attraction point in January that seems to bring a consciousness to home, and I wanted to make sure you had a chance to have that opportunity as well.

Again... it's felt good.

So... let’s be aligned together, and hold space for each other. Finding that quiet space within, connecting to that divinity within, and radiating the light from our deepest selves.

And then we’ll feel really good.

The Pursuit of Spiritually Aware Parenting

Someone asked me today what my “goal” is in the work I do, and an image flashed across my mind.

It was a pregnant mother to be walking into a spiritual bookstore in Glastonbury over in the UK.

The woman was me.

14 years ago, my husband and I were expecting our first daughter and like some excited school girl I danced into every bookstore I could find, looking for that tool, that golden compass which would help me find the spiritual path I knew pregnancy could be. Up until that point, I’d avidly gobbled up every spiritual book I could find. Before meeting my husband, I’d Marianne Williamson’d, Deepak’d and Dyer’d. I had gone old school with holy books and philosophy leaders and on the flip side, had watched Oprah until the sun went down. I’d even been a screenwriter for a spiritual television

program for children. Spirituality coursed through my veins and I’d met my husband through the most spiritual connection I’d ever experienced, using connection, the law of attraction and intuition.

It seemed like pregnancy should be the same. It felt like parenthood was a holy rite to be passed though and I wanted to meditate through labor and teach yoga to her before she could walk. She would be enlightened and know all the tools I’d been gathering for years, so her life would be golden.

But, I hadn’t counted on the fear, socially inflicted doubt and the fact that my life had sped up and I already felt I was running out of time!

I felt rushed as each trimester passed...I talked and read what I could find but I felt I would never have the quiet I craved and the more I craved it, the more I didn’t know how to savor it when I found it. I felt like a runaway train was behind me that hollered “She’s coming soon and you aren’t lined up yet. Line Up!”

My feeble attempts to have small rituals or make things sacred for our daughter, were done for my own outward show, trying to convince my fearful heart that I would “get it right”, while I really felt that  I really didn’t know what I was doing, or who she was, or who I was going to be as a mom. I wanted to enjoy that time... but it was flying by and tainted with morning sickness. I felt like I was having a shadow experience of something I wanted with all my heart.

I sometimes felt so guilty for feeling like I was failing her and she hadn’t even been born yet.

And so, I wandered into bookstores, looking for the book that hadn’t been written.

And I kept aimlessly looking for a couple of years.

2 daughters later I decided it was time to slow down and tap into the inner resources I’d known all along was within me, but I’d been too nervous to look before. I’d have to dig deeper than I ever had. I’d have to be vulnerable and push back the veil.

For some reason, I thought that parenting was something everyone had figured out already, and I should play by the rules. I might have found true love across the ocean by mere instinct and without any dating experience like everyone else. but parenting... surely I was safest following other people’s lead.

But I finally got it. I couldn’t play a role and feel authentic to myself. I couldn’t have the spiritual experience while pretending to be something else. Trying made no sense. My girls, my husband and I were going to have to live a different story. The veil had to be pulled back. The real me had to emerge.

And so it began... oh it was shaky for awhile I can tell you. The philosophy had to be invented as going, and with a daughter who had iron will, I fell back into old habits more than not. I screamed, I shouted, I guilted and I even shamefully spanked as my own reaction to the lack of control and dictatorship I had (I mean everyone else said I should be in control, was I really supposed to give that up?)

But little by little I remembered Who I was... and who I wanted to be. I remembered I was connected when I felt good, and if fighting felt bad, it wasn’t good.

So I started passing on tools to the girls as I practiced them again for myself. Exercises, games, stories, anything that could offer them emotional awareness. Homeschooling provided us with the best platform for emotional awareness lessons and life tools.

And then I got pregnant with our son.

I went back and redid pregnancy, the way I had wanted to in the first place.  I rewrote the experience and connected to the source within my son by 16 weeks. He was my eyes and ears to how the pregnancy was going. It was enlightened.

Everything rolled together and kept rolling. Our girls were learning how to feel, and to follow their hearts. They became sensitive to how the law of attraction brought in what they were feeling. They became in awe of the world around them, and integrated spirit and magic into near enough everything. The world made sense on a deeper level for them. They did yoga, and learnt how to meditate....

Scratch that... they’d always known how to be the incredible spirits that they are.

Along with our son, they taught me how to allow and move through stages rather than force them.

Behaviour became an indicator of how they were feeling about themselves not how “bad” they were and my stress was a sign that I needed to connect to ME, not to find fault in Them.

There wasn’t any pressure to pass on wisdom, I got to learn some. I got to play more, I got to laugh more.

Life finally slowed down and I could enjoy it feeling fulfilled and authentically me.

And that’s my goal for my work. I want for as many of you as possible to find ease in the chaos and speed of the day. I want you to feel so much deeper than the routine and daily chores. I want to empower children to look for the deeper route in life and to have emotional awareness, knowing themselves so they can navigate through it all. I want love, laughter and ease for everyone.

Is that too much to ask? Maybe. But not too much to try.

Its right around the corner, you know? Just pull aside the veil and see what’s there.

Life Flows On

If you look back over your life, do you find that different times and memories stand out and bring up a certain feeling space? I know I do. The other day, I was eating a Sara Lee chocolate pound cake and mentioned how I was eating one 25 years ago when a small earthquake hit our home in Quebec.

Why do you remember that, Christina? I was asked.

Because, I’m sent back to the time, the space, the energy in the room and, like watching a movie, I observe each detail. I can call it back through the essence.

Does it ever strike you that we are continually adding stories to the vibration soup pot of our lives, each one a different vibration, a different feeling space, a different period of our lives.

And then, you imagine the endless stream of stories, the merging from one story to the next. Often we resist letting go of one story, forgetting that it’s not an end, but a beginning of another.

It can take a lot of courage to step over the threshold of a new period of time, but then again, usually we don’t notice until its passed, even if we’ve worried about it while it was approaching in the distance.

For a parent this occurs continually. Our children grow and we watch as they pass through “stages.” We tick the stages off as a to-do list, not realizing that we miss each era when it’s done. But we’re aware of a new era coming... we count the days, notch off the dates on an imaginary calendar... baby (check) toddler (check) child.... teen...

But, we can forget to turn inward on this journey of time. When it comes to our personal journey, we turn stagnant, forgetting we too are moving forward.

We hold on, holding back change as life flows on. We play out the same patterns, repeat the same beliefs, tell ourselves the same stories about our spouses, children and parents to keep up the same experience. We resist things which get in the way of that which we practiced. But still, as life progresses, it still feels like different experiences when we look back. We still grow and expand.

We might as well flow with it. What worked when our children were younger will need tweaking as they get older, and routines change continually. It is only by being authentic in our moment, being present in the Now that we can sense the subtle changes needed. We can spend so much time propelling ourselves into the future, wondering how we’ll make it work later, but because we’re dealing from the vibrational point of now... not then.... we only see it from this perspective.

The energy and feeling space will have changed by then. You can’t imagine how it will feel later, but you are creating the new now.

Woah! Wait. Was that a big statement?

We don’t know what the future will feel like, we aren’t there now. Our children aren’t teens, we aren’t grandparents, maybe your child isn’t even walking yet, but no matter how you fret and worry you will not know how things will feel later. You can imagine, you can pretend... but you only really know how things feel now.

Only in this moment.

And this one is only unfolding by your own perspective. You will look back at this moment and re-feel what your space feels like now, all over again.

And from this moment’s feeling, the new moment will be born. A natural product of what is now.

Our child’s growth is natural. How we view it is the journey. How we embrace each moment is what we remember.

We are continually making memories, continually painting the fabric of our lives and one thing stands as the anchor point. Our personal sense of Who We Really Are.

Look backward for a moment and feel yourself there. Are You present or are their times you felt like a shadow of yourself? I think we all have had times when we’ve filled a role rather than shown up as all ourselves and perhaps there’s no greater time than parenthood. Being a parent can sometimes feel like a role to play, but really, when we look back, it’s the times we showed up as ourselves that we remember.

And the moments that create the better feeling moments later are when we showed up in the best of intentions. It’s when we were brave in a crisis, or laughed in the rain. It’s when we forgave and allowed, rather than resented and stormed out. The moments that create the best future are the ones when we are the best versions of ourselves.

Today is a created memory. You might look back at this time in years to come and get a whisp of its essence, like a cool breeze. You will smell something or hear something that may trigger today as a memory. What feeling space will you call up? What will be the overall vibration and will you look back in fondness?

Create a happy tomorrow by creating joy today.

Worrying about the future is done with the head, living present is done with the heart.