Sunday, July 3, 2011
Our little boy's growing up...
I want to talk about our little boy. Well, that’s usually the case really. He’s at that delightful age where he’s learning new things and exploring more than ever before, looking as cute as could be. But this Friday he turns 2 and I find myself reflecting on him, on life, and on spiritually aware parenting.
It’s been an interesting past few months. From a life of routine at home, our little farm boy was use to chickens, goats, cats and helping with the chores that went along with them. He had a steady expansion, wanting to try things out, trying them out and adding them to a list of “good at” grown up things he loved to do. Then we visited my parents’ house for 6 weeks, and his life became confusing. Still he managed to rise to the occasion and try things out, playing away in his glorious way. He knew life was unsettled, he could feel the stress of travel and upheaval looming, but still, with a little distraction from us, a little reminder of the fun in the world, and he was back to jiving along.
However, as many of you know, we’ve been in England for the past month now. Apart from hating the plane ride, our little boy did alright embracing adventure when he first arrived, but now, now I fear expansion is ready to occur again. He’s tried so many things out, and loves his new independence that keeps emerging. However I find that since we don’t have many toys about, and not a big back yard at our city house where we are staying, he’s getting frustrated with his limitations. Worse than that, he keeps exploring wherever he can and often this can be somewhere he really shouldn’t. He feels our “no’s” so much stronger now, and he is becoming more and more determined to do as he wishes. The art of distraction isn’t as easy as it once was.
I sat with our little lad tonight, and chatted with him. Although he can hardly speak yet, he always manages to get his opinion known. I told him that we would play more together, and he agreed. Since arriving in the UK it’s been one thing after the other, and our little boy has been moved along for the ride. He needs his one on one play time. He needs focus, connection.
Yes, that’s it. He’s been disconnected over the last couple of weeks. Oh, I’ve been so impressed with his determination to jive, at his looking for play, but in truth he’s teething and experiencing life too fast and it feels off to him, he looks for things to getting him back on and when we say no… oh he feels it so much more than before.
So yes, it’s his birthday on Friday. His sisters have chatted with him about it, he’s overheard conversations about it… yet another thing to chuck him out of connection and wonder about, feeling that life is out of control.
I’ve written a lot about birthdays and celebrations for the under 3s. It’s a confusing thing to them, and for Friday I think I’ll be taking it as slow as ever. He’ll get his toy kitchen as we’ve planned. He fell head over heals in love with one in the library. We’ll let him play, play with him and then maybe take him to see some cows. I’ll take the time to reconnect with him and help him reconnect himself. Rather than being a chaotic time that will disconnect him more, it will be my goal to help make him feel himself, in everything he is and has grown to be.
One last thing, it’s been an interesting thing watching our little boy feel disconnected and look for ways to connect. Lately, he’s been nursing more and more. Whereas he was pretty much weaned a few weeks ago, suddenly he wants me all the time. I never expected to be breastfeeding a toddler, but now it makes so much sense. This is his biggest contrast yet, and when he nurses, he calms, he focuses, and as if in meditation, he connects. It’s amazing to watch. However, whereas he loved to nurse himself to sleep, now with his new expansion in place, he cuddles in my arms and rolls over, falling asleep with his back to me, but knowing I’m right beside him.
As always, I will use this birthday of our darling to reflect on him and life as his mother.
I love that lad, and he’s brought such joy in all our lives. I love his sense of fun, his joy in life and in exploration. I love the sparkle in his eyes and the fun that shines out, all around him. I love his comprehension, his ideas, his games. I love every curl on his head and every bounce in his step. He’s made me a better mother and he’s made our family, and our home so much better for being here. Sigh, I can’t imagine life without him.
And in that wonderful state of appreciation, I think I’ll call it a night. After all, I have a little boy to play with in the morning.