So over the past few weeks we’ve been looking at guilt and how to listen to your own inner guidance webinar, but in truth I know how a scheduled event can cause stress and a replay can sit there for awhile, always as a “I should watch that.”
(ugh, and then that leads to feeling guilty for not watching something about feeling guilty! That really takes the cake.)
So, I wanted to share with you the basic points discussed on Saturday, just for quick reference.
Because that’s what guilt is about. It’s about reference. It’s about knowing the sources of the guilty feelings and then weighing it up to see if it resonates with your authentic self.
So, here are the three types of guilt we discussed the other day:
Socially Implied- the feeling of the raised eyebrow when your house is messy. The feeling of your mother’s eyes on you when let your child down from the table without finishing dinner, or the feeling of ickiness when your child is having a tantrum in public. Socially implied guilt comes from all sorts of directions and comes from when others, (friends, family or strangers) suggests we are doing it all wrong and we absorb it as truth. We feel guilty and are suddenly sneaking around breastfeeding or shuttering when our children don’t say excuse me that ONE TIME. We also find it when we assume others are thinking things about us, even if we know its true or not. When we feel people are thinking we are losing it or not doing a good job, when we allow those reflections to undermine ourselves.
Remedy- Reminding ourselves that everyone else has their own journey and that this is our own, frees ourselves to make our own mistakes and try out our own approaches. “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” Times have changed and our parents approaches, or our grandparents’, were based on adifferent understanding of what a parent is. Therefore, why should they understand why we are trying something different. Children being seen and not heard still has a ghost like presence in the minds of so many and when children are taught to be the people they really are, it can scare others that they did it wrong. Trust in your own processes and know yourself. Trust in other people to have their own processes, life journeys and mistakes... even if they don’t get it from their perspective.
Personally Inflicted- Probably more deepseeded than Socially implied, personally inflicted guilt is generated within ourselves. We can have a concept of a “Parent’s” job and, because its thought through and not based on an authentic version of ourselves, it becomes full of “should’s” I should be able to work, play, discipline, cook, clean, mend, drive, schedule, sew, afford and love... and practice mindfulness, self care, meditation and yoga. When we miss a step on our imagined “should”, we feel guilt, which can then lead to a feeling of failure, unworthiness, and insecurity. It’s a spiral of guilt, which leads to us trying to do everything and doing nothing, and watering ourselves down in the process. We miss out on our authentic parenting experience, because we are too busy trying to be something impossible to be.
Remedy- Drop deep within yourself and allow yourself to be the person you came to be. Take a moment to release yourself from the prison you’ve created in your mind, observe your life experience rather than trying to control it. Who Are You and what’s authentic to you? When you allow yourself to show up as yourself you can feel your way to the best choices and decisions. Don’t like cooking... your child really won’t suffer if you can’t bake a cake, they just don’t like hunger. Don’t sew... then don’t. Can’t find time to meditate, realize that even focused play can be mind altering meditation, when you align in you moment and focus on fun. Be you, find you and radiate as You. And forgive yourself for those things that are someone else’s journey.
Not a guilt at all. Rather, it is the an indicator of our inner guidance system.
We are spiritual beings and our spirits are always there giving a heads up, directions and a general sense of GPS. When we start down a road that won’t lead to the right direction, we have a fellow driver that gives a nudge and says.. “not this way, turn around.”
Its not berating or mean, it will never undermine our intelligence or make us cry. Rather its simply a nudge in the right direction. It feels good when we acknowledge it.
Spiritually indicted “guilt”, is felt not thought. It builds us up, not knock us down. It supports Who we Really Are and doesn’t ask us to blend in.
It shows up when we’ve practiced being spiritually aware and built up our sense of where we’re heading.
In fact, it is the remedy... it doesn’t need one... because it’s not a negative feeling.
It comes from love.
During the webinar we also talked a bit about the law of attraction and how guilt can become an attraction point and about neural passage, with guilt becoming a habitual pattern.
So, now what?
Well, freeing yourself from guilt is truly about setting yourself free... no one can do it for you... but you can have support to start re-programming how you feel about your choices and making sure you are coming from your authentic self.
I’m trying to find the best way to support you on this journey and one way I’m offering is through a 4 week program for 8 participants. We’ll meet each Saturday and have a private FB group too, so we can really dig deep and change some negative chatter which feeds the guilt. It starts June 4th, just in time for Summer break and right now is only $77 USD for all 4 weeks. That’s less than $20 a session and you’ll be having 1;1 time in the sessions, discussing your specific scenario, within a supportive group of people feeling the same way.
I’m really hoping we can take our community to this next level. It’s going to be so liberating and exciting to work together.