The 3 Sources of Guilt

So over the past few weeks we’ve been looking at guilt and how to listen to your own inner guidance webinar, but in truth I know how a scheduled event can cause stress and a replay can sit there for awhile, always as a “I should watch that.”

system. I presented the three sources of guilt to you in the

(ugh, and then that leads to feeling guilty for not watching something about feeling guilty! That really takes the cake.)

So, I wanted to share with you the basic points discussed on Saturday, just for quick reference.

Because that’s what guilt is about. It’s about reference. It’s about knowing the sources of the guilty feelings and then weighing it up to see if it resonates with your authentic self.

So, here are the three types of guilt we discussed the other day:

Socially Implied- the feeling of the raised eyebrow when your house is messy. The feeling of your mother’s eyes on you when let your child down from the table without finishing dinner, or the feeling of ickiness when your child is having a tantrum in public. Socially implied guilt comes from all sorts of directions and comes from when others, (friends, family or strangers) suggests we are doing it all wrong and we absorb it as truth. We feel guilty and are suddenly sneaking around breastfeeding or shuttering when our children don’t say excuse me that ONE TIME. We also find it when we assume others are thinking things about us, even if we know its true or not. When we feel people are thinking we are losing it or not doing a good job, when we allow those reflections to undermine ourselves.

Remedy- Reminding ourselves that everyone else has their own journey and that this is our own, frees ourselves to make our own mistakes and try out our own approaches. “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” Times have changed and our parents approaches, or our grandparents’, were based on adifferent understanding of what a parent is. Therefore, why should they understand why we are trying something different. Children being seen and not heard still has a ghost like presence in the minds of so many and when children are taught to be the people they really are, it can scare others that they did it wrong. Trust in your own processes and know yourself. Trust in other people to have their own processes, life journeys and mistakes... even if they don’t get it from their perspective.

Personally Inflicted- Probably more deepseeded than Socially implied, personally inflicted guilt is generated within ourselves. We can have a concept of a “Parent’s” job and, because its thought through and not based on an authentic version of ourselves, it becomes full of “should’s” I should be able to work, play, discipline, cook, clean, mend, drive, schedule, sew, afford and love... and practice mindfulness, self care, meditation and yoga. When we miss a step on our imagined “should”, we feel guilt, which can then lead to a feeling of failure, unworthiness, and insecurity. It’s a spiral of guilt, which leads to us trying to do everything and doing nothing, and watering ourselves down in the process. We miss out on our authentic parenting experience, because we are too busy trying to be something impossible to be.

Remedy- Drop deep within yourself and allow yourself to be the person you came to be. Take a moment to release yourself from the prison you’ve created in your mind, observe your life experience rather than trying to control it. Who Are You and what’s authentic to you? When you allow yourself to show up as yourself you can feel your way to the best choices and decisions. Don’t like cooking... your child really won’t suffer if you can’t bake a cake, they just don’t like hunger. Don’t sew... then don’t. Can’t find time to meditate, realize that even focused play can be mind altering meditation, when you align in you moment and focus on fun. Be you, find you and radiate as You. And forgive yourself for those things that are someone else’s journey.

Spiritually Indicated

Not a guilt at all. Rather, it is the an indicator of our inner guidance system.

We are spiritual beings and our spirits are always there giving a heads up, directions and a general sense of GPS. When we start down a road that won’t lead to the right direction, we have a fellow driver that gives a nudge and says.. “not this way, turn around.”

Its not berating or mean, it will never undermine our intelligence or make us cry. Rather its simply a nudge in the right direction. It feels good when we acknowledge it.

Spiritually indicted “guilt”, is felt not thought. It builds us up, not knock us down. It supports Who we Really Are and doesn’t ask us to blend in.

It shows up when we’ve practiced being spiritually aware and built up our sense of where we’re heading.

In fact, it is the remedy... it doesn’t need one... because it’s not a negative feeling.

It comes from love.

During the webinar we also talked a bit about the law of attraction and how guilt can become an attraction point and about neural passage, with guilt becoming a habitual pattern.

So, now what?

Well, freeing yourself from guilt is truly about setting yourself free... no one can do it for you... but you can have support to start re-programming how you feel about your choices and making sure you are coming from your authentic self.

I’m trying to find the best way to support you on this journey and one way I’m offering is through a 4 week program for 8 participants. We’ll meet each Saturday and have a private FB group too, so we can really dig deep and change some negative chatter which feeds the guilt. It starts June 4^th, just in time for Summer break and right now is only $77 USD for all 4 weeks. That’s less than $20 a session and you’ll be having 1;1 time in the sessions, discussing your specific scenario, within a supportive group of people feeling the same way.

I’m really hoping we can take our community to this next level. It’s going to be so liberating and exciting to work together.

For more information you can visit here. Registration takes place there as well or you can email me at Christina@spirituallyawareparenting.com with any questions.

A Lesson in Energy for Quick Relief

One of the tools I find the most helpful in finding quick connection I found through learning Energy healing a few years ago. In fact, my daughters took the course with me as well, and I’ve witnessed how they interweave the teachings through their lives. The idea of grounding themselves, or observing their own energy blocks has been an incredible tool for self awareness.

But, I digress. The information and practice of increasing flow of energy is something I often pass on to clients and they’ve often mentioned how much it has helped them through their days.

So, I wanted to share it with all of you today.

We are energy beings. If you’ve heard of chakras then you know we have energy points through our bodies which, when aligned and with a clear path keep us as perfect conduits between the earth and spirit. We are spiritual, physical and emotional expressed through energy.

Its often taught that we can align our energy from our core root chakra, near the base of our spine and then focus upwards, clearing each chakra or energy point along the way.

However, I usually offer this...

As a society we spend so much time in our heads. Over the past 15 years we have become about information over physical expression. As the saying goes, “where attention goes, energy flows...”

So, in that case, our energy is stored in our heads, resulting in overstress, headaches, brain chatter and over thinking.

You know that snowballing feeling, when things build and build, thought upon thought? It starts with a little seed of something and then suddenly you feel like the world is falling upon your shoulders. Well, its a clear sign that energy needs to flow elsewhere.

But the ironic part of that is when you are in your thoughts you resist not thinking, or focusing on something else. Rather, the snowball continues, asking you to figure out “what should I think about to stop all this thinking?”

And I reply.... “focus on your feet.”

Sounds silly, I know. But, by shifting your attention to your feet, wiggling your toes, circling your ankles, soaking them in a tub or simply thinking about the feeling of the floor beneath them, you are drawing attention away from your head and allowing your energy to move down to the earth... through your central core. You are officially grounding yourself.

Imagine how this feels when you are running around, stressed out, juggling schedules lunches, phone calls and children’s shouts for help.

Breathe, relax, FEET. Sigh.

It really does work.

For those who have worked with me or been on my page for awhile, you might have heard me talk about the elevator meditation, which is a technique to bring your attention down to your ground level. To watch a video showing how to use it over at my channel.

The simple process of guiding your consciousness from your top floor, floor ten, around your head, and counting backwards, imagining an inner elevator shaft through your centre, helps you become aware of where your energy is.

You can feel your attention shift to floor 6 around your heart.

And then move down to 4 around your navel.

But then you get distracted and you think about something you have to do... back to floor 10.

Finally you find your moment in the present. Floor 1. Ground floor. Relax.

The more you practice this short meditation, the easier you find where you are on your core shaft , the more you sense your essence and how grounded you are. You can literally find what floor you are at within moments.

As energy beings we create through focus. Things go well when we are aligned with Who We Really Are and when we are grounded in the present moment, so the first key to being true to ourselves and being a spiritually aware parent is to find that inner sense of energy, and help it flow.

I love passing these sort of quick centering techniques onto clients.

 If you haven’t yet, please visit my website for more information and quick techniques to feeling better!

5 Tips to Feel Better Around Family Over the Holidays

It’s twelve days before Christmas and already I can feel the tension building...

Hmmm... come to think of it my shopping list is way behind... oh well. I have some general ideas brewing. I’m sure they will unfold beautifully.

Yes. That’s my approach to everything lately:  I look forward to the unfolding.

But as someone who has her three kids, spouse and dog staying in a large home with my sister and her family, other people’s approaches, traditions and functioning is foremost on my mind.

It’s a holiday tradition in itself isn’t? The feeling of uncertainty regarding family, friends and the melting pot that often turns into a pressure pot over the holiday festivities. It could almost be funny if it wasn’t so painful sometimes, as we all get that sense of dread, wondering will it all be ok.

So, I’m compiling a quick list of how to survive a family holiday gathering... a Coles notes as it were... a cheat sheet on how to keep the love flowing and everything unfolding beautifully.

1)      Find your inner connection... and be able to do it quickly.

When do you feel the best? What thoughts make you settle into a space that rings out as YOU. Within us is a space, an inner room, that we let go of everything that bothers us, stresses us and makes us feel awkward, insecure or worried. Rather we sit back in the gentle space of Who We Really Are. But often these times are fleeting, and when we find them we appreciate them, but we don’t know how we got there. When do you feel most like yourself? What thought creates that space for you?

We can all find shortcuts that trigger a feeling space of Who We Really Are, it just takes a bit of focus and good habits. Often, if we have a crystal, a piece of jewelry, a symbol or trigger point, that reminds us that of Who We Really Are and how we want to be Spiritually Aware each moment. With that simple reminder, we can jump from the reactionary space amongst our family into a grounded space, an observatory perspective, which allows us to see the situation as the whole, not as the chaos. From this space, life flows, new solutions are found and things fall into place.

2)      Not my Circus, Not my Monkeys.

One of my new favorite sayings, it really is all about what’s your business and what’s not. As family we’re usually the first to jump to a sibling’s defense (even if we haven’t a clue what they’ve been up to all year) or the first to make some little joke or comment to fill the social silence gap. But Not my Circus means- my life My monkeys means- the components of that life.

If your uncle Dave is talking about how your Aunt Sue drives him crazy and spends too much... you don’t have to take sides. Change the topic. Stay in your own circus If its anything like mine, it’s enough to handle. When we let go of other people’s business we not only shift priority to our own lives (and usually our children) we also empower people to focus on their own monkeys. This can go as far as telling yourself not to even TALK about OTHER PEOPLE! No gossip and suddenly you open yourself up to a world of better feelings and wider conversations. And it can start with just you. Not my Circus, Not my Monkeys is about empowerment for everyone, and it can start with you.

3)      Find The Third Choice.

Sleeping arrangements being argued over... be Switzerland... and rather than getting attached to one side of the argument open yourself up to another solution, be the space finder. This is done only through taking a step away from the situation, remembering that time is illusionary and nothing needs to be rushed. Sometimes we all get so caught up to make a point it seems like whoever speaks the loudest and fastest wins. Breathe, take a step away, find some quiet, offer the problem up and ask for a solution. You might find that while everyone else was spinning around, life unfolded in your space and ideas flowed in. Everyone else will have wasted their breath and emotional focus, and you simply let it be and evolve.

4)      Each for Each.

Diversity is a gift. When we allow others to think differently, believe differently, live differently, we create a space where we get to do the same thing. Also, the law of attraction kicks in as well. We truly do get what we give. The Golden Rule, of Treating People The Way We WANT to be Treated, does literally work. When we acknowledge that another person’s way isn’t Our Way, but ok for them, we send out the feeling space of love, understanding, compassion and acceptance. By living in that space, we radiate that energy out, and create more of the same. We always get what we put out.

Therefore the old saying of Each for Each is What I Teach, isn’t just for children in a nursery rhyme, rather it’s a quick reminder that “seclusion isn’t inclusion it’s the stretching of the void.” Judgement and criticism can never create peace, especially within ourselves.

5)      The Magic is in The Moment

Our children are so good at knowing and living in the pursuit of feeling good. They know that if it feels Off, it’s Off. We spend the rest of their childhood trying to convince them they have it wrong... when really they’ve got it right. By following how something feels we live in awareness of each moment. It doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t do what we need to do, but we take a step aside to focus differently, place ourselves in our inner room, or wait a bit before jumping in.

 Our children do this by living in their moment and it is a child’s Moment that matters. It is the little cuddles Christmas Eve that feel the warmest, rather than the big dinner. It’s the icing cookies, or watching candles flicker that create the best memories.

Most of the stress we create perpetuates around the big deals we feel we need to create for our children and family, finding that perfect gift, creating that perfect memory, when by letting life unfold, and enjoying the little moments, we create bigger moments full of magic... naturally. Also, when we other family members, when we are taking care of the moment, focusing on the little joys with our children, we create a bubble around us and our  kids. We share looks, laughs and exchanges, we connect with them, rather than being distracted by the bigger picture. Life flows.

There they are. 5 quick tips to a Happy Family Holiday Experience. 

With them, I would like to extend this invitation: Create a New Experience This Year.

So often each holiday get together is exactly the same, even down to the trimmings. If we don’t get along with Grandma and she makes us feel the same now as she did when we were ten, there’s a bit of a reason. We always get the energy we expect, as, when we remember an experience, we create that space and emit it. Then we get it back again. Law of Attraction Strikes.(if you want more detail on how to alter your attraction point for the holidays, I cover it fully on my audio course.) Therefore, set a different stage. Invite a different experience in. Focus on the positive aspects, change the feeling and expectation, shake it up.. and see what happens.

Here’s to Happy thoughts, dreams, and focuses and may they create a beautiful New Year!

Check out Christina’s Audio Course- Taking the Stress out of the Holidays and take part in the 75% discount using the code holidayspirit to get it for $19 in time for the holiday rush.

TAKING THE STRESS OUT OF THE HOLIDAYS

Well, it’s been a busy year for me and there’s something about December that always makes me feel like I need to wrap up a year well; like a present.

So, I made myself one.

I’d promised myself that this year I was going to make my first course. It started off as going to be a course for the online platform Udemy, but then I decided, what with some travel happening and new plans, that a simple audio course would be easier and would flow more.
 People were starting to talk about Holiday stress and how they didn’t feel comfortable around family and friends, how they didn’t feel the holidays reflected their true selves, and Ta Da! The course topic was found.

Writing it in the back of our car during our inspired roadtrip to Winnipeg MB, and then recording it once we found the suitable studio when we got into town, its been a whirlwind experiment, but one I’m proud of.

The course is broken up in 3 sections.

You. Other People. And your Children. And how those three elements can be stressed focused during the Holiday Season.

The Course then offers tips and tools, meditations, processes and exercises to tap into your higher self, and trust your inner wisdom. It offers dig deep exercises that help you discover how you REALLY feel about stuff, and then helps you pivot around those “niggly” people that make you feel crappy, even though you haven’t done anything wrong. Actually the entire middle section is dedicated to finding your centre at family dinners or work events. And then there’s the section on Your Children, how to help them connect and stay true to themselves, how to hear them, under the hysteria, how to enjoy the magic moments and see it through their eyes, rather than rushing through for the something bigger.

Throughout there’s reset buttons and tools for The Law of Attraction, as well as meditations and energy work.

It’s a pretty full Holiday Toolbox. With a workbook included.

But it was only finished, what with one thing and another, the first week of December.

That could be a little crazy... or silly... for a course about the holidays.

But I do tell everyone to just trust.... go with the flow... follow the downstream option which carries you to how it’s all meant to be.

So, the course, that is usually set at $77 for the rest of the year, has a bit of a twist.

Sign up for the newsletter to the side of this post, and you get a code  for 75% off.

Which makes it $19.25

I love seeing how things turn out don’t you? And I love having everyone on my FB page and newsletter involved and the Spiritually Aware Parenting community able to grow together.

So, I hope you check this new venture of mine out.

The purpose is to create a holiday season which will be filled with joyful, awe-inspiring, moments (like the ones you used to have as a kid) and to use that as an attraction point for a brilliant new year. Its meant for you... and I’m so happy to be able to offer it to you this month for under $20!

Anyway, let me know what you think of it... I’ll be working on another course soon and could do with any feedback.

You can find it at

http://christinafletcher.bandcamp.com/album/taking-the-stress-out-of-the-holidays

BUT SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER FIRST!!!!!

(either in the sidebar beside this post or at http://spirituallyawareparenting.com/special-gifts.html )

And as you never know how life will flow.... just in case.

Happy, Stress Free, Holidays. Relax, breathe, let go and love!