5 Steps to Less Screen Time

It’s everywhere, and yes, even sometimes in my own house.

Screentime overdose.

It doesn’t take all of the studies that exist to know that our children, and ourselves, are glued to our screens too often. We’re missing out on present moment living due to computers, smartphones, and television. Remember how on weekends, streets used to be lined with children playing? Now, often residential areas are like ghost towns, just because everyone is stuck inside.

And it’s not just our children. We can’t say it is. Facebook and notifications distract us from our family and we offer nothing but an example of distraction; distraction from life itself.

I would love to say that I was a parent that had kept electronics from my children. I was so close, our daughters were 8 before they had ever tried a computer game. Living off grid for a long period of time, without highspeed internet, had kept everything pretty limited. But then we moved, got busy, they had homeschool programs online, we got a shop, and soon our boy wanted to take part in games with his sisters... boom. We were lost.

It happens. It spirals. My last hooray is staying away from smartphones simply because I don’t want to tempt myself.

Life. That’s what’s at risk here. Life and tools for life. I’ve felt my way to the point that, for me, it’s not about keeping my children away from technology, it’s part of their generational make-up, rather I need to help them use it with awareness. We have the opportunity to offer our children solutions, awareness to their focus and attention, as well as, hey, a serious amount of fun play  time. Life flips by while we scan newsfeeds and cat videos... not to mention the numbing effect of violent video games and the emotional turmoil experienced by children in the name of entertainment.  But what’s scarier... if something can be... is the fact that “if you don’t lose it you lose it.” If you don’t know how to follow passions, interests, and wonderment, you lose the ability to experience it at all.

So, here’s my list of 5 things you can do to start curbing screentime. (and please note, there’s not really any “enforced” abandonment of screens entirely. In order to offer awareness and tools for life, we can’t simply restrict and take away. In many ways that simply encourages our children to do it anyway, but not get caught. However, it also means that building awareness takes some time. This isn’t a quick fix and it shouldn’t be. Its foundation building and therefore, a little time makes it a little stronger.)

1)      Play with contrasts.

 Start to draw attention to the emotional affects on each other of computers and games and even tv shows. Become the experiment. As a family, what happens if you only do screens after lunch or at certain times? What happens if you only go on AFTER you go for a walk and get some exercise... why does it feel better? What feels better? How does it affect how you feel and the general feel of the house? Also, if you’re struggling with television screen time, talk about the different feelings of different shows. What do fast and loud shows feel like, compared to slow ones? Look for differences in behaviour when your children are taking part in one form of entertainment and another. When you take part with the contrasting experiences your children aren’t feeling TOLD what to do or feel, but are observing it themselves and then can start to make conscious decisions on what works for each person. This is Screen/emotional education.

2)      Find alternatives.

When we don’t use it, we lose it. If we just tell our kids to get off of the screen, chances are they will be baffled at what to do instead. This isn’t 30 years ago, when childhood was filled with finding things to do. Our children live in a time when they are told what they can do. Chances are few of us still feel comfortable with our children taking off and not telling us where they are going. So, what do they fill their days with? What interests them, sparks them, excites them? What about hobbies and crafts and a huge stack of wood out the back that they can make whatever they want out of. Providing alternatives is providing opportunities... and what’s surprising is that, with those opportunities and alternatives, they rarely want to chose the screen instead. CREATIVE LIVING... is the name of the game.

3)      Be the example.

 It’s true. Each time we don’t know what to do with ourselves and we choose Facebook instead (my personal demon) of finding something creative ourselves... even just playing with our kids, or meditating under the stars, we are saying that life needs to be distracted from. Each time we say “just a minute” because we are surfing the net... we give the permission for our children to zone out on a screen. Ouch. But so true.

4)      Do a family challenge. No Screens (NONE!) for a week.

 Go camping, turn off the wifi, turn off the electricity, do whatever it takes. But just get away from it for one week. Stock up on books and board games... go on midnight walks and crazy times. Have fun. Let awareness build all by itself.

5)      Turn your attention to your children’s time OFF of screens. The truth is that the law of attraction works with everything and the more we notice what’s not working, the more we notice it... more and more and more. Same too though, the more you notice what is working... the cuddle up bedtimes when you talk together, the morning breakfast when everyone chats, or the walks with the dog when everyone gets exercise, the more those will happen, and the more you will notice. If you are totally focused on how much your family is in front of a screen, then no matter how much everyone tries to get off of them, you’ll never notice. The Law of attraction makes it so. So, start looking out for the moments of connection and play... you might be pleasantly surprised.

THE ART KIT- a review

Sometimes things just line up.

My daughters have been wanting to improve their art techniques. I’ve been wanting to improve their art education. And then there’s boy-o. He suddenly LOVES art, so that needs encouraging and new supplies. Well, I didn’t even know that we were focusing in that direction, but when I heard about the Art Kit and was suddenly, seamlessly doing a review of one of the kits, it was obvious the Universe knows what its doing.

The shrieks of “THE ART KIT” coming from the children when it arrived was only topped by the “Ohs and Ahs” when they opened the box.

It suddenly made sense for a kit that is about ART to be beautiful. This taught me a lot about Art as an experience, just opening the box.

With Tissue paper and lots of shredded purple and white stripes of naturally dyed heavy stock paper, the children enthusiastically unwrapped each, paperbag wrapped item. And what beautifully chose items.

The Art Kit isn’t just about Making Art, this is about art appreciation and experience.

When you subscribe, each month your child receives a box like one of these, and each box has its own theme. Our box was themed with Georges Seurat’s A Sunday on La Grande Jette painting.

In our box of wonders was a Puzzle, sticker books (with reusable stickers), natural paint sachets wit circle sponges to imitate Seurat’s circle techniques, circle stickers to do a circle (dotted) painting, a book about George Seurat and various Art Kit Pencils and heavy stock paper and  accessories.

As we have three children, we had the kit and two more sibling add-ons, basically providing each child with their own supplies for the crafts, but sharing the puzzle and the book. It worked perfectly.

The experience of this kit, and art itself, has been very well thought out. Each item helps you experience the painting a little deeper from different angles. As a homeschooler I found it balanced, as with three children, all different ages and learning types, I was surprised how all three were interested. I would possibly say the kit would work best for the 7-11 age range, as I watched my children work through it, but all three were well occupied and I can tell came out of it looking at art in a different light.

One thing I will point out. Although it’s called The ART KIT, this isn’t what we perceive as an art kit. It is a Kit ABOUT ART (I like how when I explained this to my family they all did a unison “OHHH” and agreed from that perspective it was a masterpiece in itself. Think of it as art education for children in a box, a box that has lots of ways for them to get into a technique, an artist and a piece with all their senses.

It reminds us all that art is an experience and from the moment The Art Kit arrives at the door, you and your children will be enjoying the ride.

Now... all I have to do to top the experience off is find a copy of Sunday in the Park with George by Sondheim  so the children can have some follow up to these wonderful projects!

Now here’s one of my daughters reviews;

I love the way that the art kit is packaged so carefully and beautifully. It’s really inspiring.

The Make-a- masterpiece sticker book helped me learn a lot about the painting. I love how this kit is so freely put together. The puzzle was a bit easy for me, but that is a good thing because it meant my brother was interested in doing it. I love the way the paints slide over the paper. I never would have thought that natural paints would be that bright.

My son... he gave it a zillion stars out of 5.

Check out www.theartkit.com for more information!

Opportunities in Disappointments

Her eyes filled with tears when she found out she didn’t get the role she wanted in the local theatre production and my first reaction was to go ask the director why she hadn’t and demand to give her what she wanted. I bite my tongue while she cried in my arms.

The extremes of parenting:  a few generations ago kids were told to toughen up, the world wasn’t run for them and they shouldn’t expect special treatment, now we run around them, trying to make everything perfect for them, telling them they can achieve anything, attract anything, do anything. We tell them the sky’s the limit and then run around killing ourselves trying to prove it and make it happen.

Extremes of anything aren’t healthy and its time we stopped kidding ourselves. We aren’t in charge of our children’s lives and maybe it’s time we had more faith in their capabilities.

It’s never a question of toughening up, but it’s time we remind ourselves that we are fueling the instant gratification fire of the 21^st century within our children. They are used to Ask and receive at the lightening speed of putting food in the microwave, seeing new movies online and having questions answered at their finger tips. They have a fast flow of in and out, interested to bored, want to can’t be bothered. On the other hand, we are the generation of parents who know it’s not healthy to let them cry it out when they were babies (it’s now scientifically backed up), but we carry that though into their teens. We don’t like to see them upset, we don’t want them to cry, and it hurts us to see them disappointed. So we’ll do anything in our power to make sure.... what? To make sure they are never unhappy?

But we are also the generation that knows we are instilling beliefs and values into our children by how we live. We can’t offer them the Suck it up, life’s hard line, it goes against a deeper truth we are aware of. Life is full of infinite possibilities, it is possible to live our dreams and dance like no one is watching. It’s our generational mantra. It’s also something carved out for ourselves...by ourselves. We can’t do it with our Mommy holding our hand, taking anyone down who gets in our way.

What we often forget is that the more we try to make everything fall into place for each of our children’s smallest wishes and desires, the more we try to push ahead for them, the more we create a message that says “you can’t do this without me.” The more we stop the tears of disappointment with promises to always make it alright, solidifies the idea that what the want is the only way it can go, without any openness to what could come as pleasant surprises.

We don’t have to be the principal of the school of hardknocks. We don’t have to administer the disappointment, but we don’t have to prevent it either. We can build up our children’s sense of self value and their life time tools by reminding them that, yes, things might not be going their way, they might not be getting what they want, but what they are getting might turn out better than they could ever imagine.

                My daughter took the role. She had rehearsals with people other than her friends and she seized her offered moment as a gift, rather than an insult. She rose to an opportunity, while I know I would have turned it down flat at her age. I would have been determined to have what I wanted and nothing but. Her opening night was last night and she came out of the theatre laughing and happy. She’s met new friends, had an amazing first performance and decided the role she thought she had wanted wouldn’t have really worked for her. She’s friends with the director and is looking forward to many more performances. Better yet, she’s grown in her perception of herself and how to be herself at the same time as letting life offer her chances rather than seeing them as disappointments.

Yes, there are truly times when our children become the teachers and we get to sit back and watch in awe. Our children, like ourselves,  know that life is for embracing not judging and disappointment is when we are telling the universe that it has no idea what it’s doing. But deep down we know, we may not like it, but we know: The Universe Always knows what its doing.

A book review, which came out of no where, but I'm glad it did!

I was a little surprised when I was contacted regarding Mark Victor Hansen’s new program for entrepreneurial youth which is based on his book “The Richest Kids in America.” As a writer of Spiritually Aware Parenting I wondered how it would fit into this blog. The title suggested that it was about money and nothing but money. Not that money is a bad thing. The concept that spirituality and poverty should go together ought to be way, WAY out of date. Perhaps somewhere in my subconscious the idea of money still has a bad name.
That needs to be fixed!
So for that reason and for my new pledge to say Yes to opportunities that come my way rather than judging them too soon, I agreed to read the book and conduct an email interview with Mark to further understand the program. The interview is currently in progress, so stay tuned.
However once I read the book, I wrote and said I would like to review it as well. It fit well with the blog, my daughter loved it and quite honestly I found it inspiring as well.

Mark Victor Hansen is the co-creator of The Chicken Soup for the Soul series which has sold millions all over the world. In his book for kids, he combines the ideas of wealth with universal truths, and at the same time helps build up a child’s sense of self and wellbeing: it’s a back door spiritual pick me up.

His book Richest Kids in America starts off with an introduction to the universal concepts of conscious living. Within his first few chapters Mark empowers children to listen to their inner voices, to learn how to hear it, trust it and go with it, even in every day issues. He offers exercises to build self-esteem such as making lists of things the reader does well, rather than only focusing on the self-defeating criticism that so often bombard all of our minds. Mark successfully promotes following one’s bliss, finding passion and doing what you love as that is a statement of Who We Are. He writes about the value of the imagination and how it truly is a tool for creation of our realities and offers examples as proof of how anything is possible with a bit of mind focus. What’s amazing is, as a parent who for years has put “spiritual” books in front of my children and has started to wonder if it was getting the opposite result that I wished (read eye rolling) I got to offer this book to my children as a different avenue. While they were excited to read a book that they thought was about kids their age who had found ways to make a fortune, I was hiding my excitement that they were reading empowering literature, which would build up their trust in their own inner self.
The book relays numerous stories, real life accounts of children and teens from the ages of 9-23 who have found that inner spark, focused on it, trusted it and made the plunge, resulting in becoming incredibly wealthy in a short period of time.
The focus of this book isn’t about get rich quick schemes. These kids have worked with focus and persistence, learning to stay true to their vision and themselves. This book is a great tool to inspire our young people to trust their own unique talents and individual journeys. There is a theme of taking a problem and spinning it on its head so it launches itself to being about opportunity. My daughter did point out that a lot of the children/teens were overcoming huge problems, such as cancer, which she couldn’t necessarily relate to, however she was inspired by the passion each entrepreneur showed in their work. In a time when children and teenagers are given a hard time, in the media especially, for complaining about the small things, or just sitting around, I find Mark’s book a breath of fresh air, enabling teens to see themselves in a better light. It is easy to believe other people’s opinions about ourselves, and it’s lovely to see a book that is an advocate for the younger people of the world to not be bothered about age or experience, but to follow their hearts and intuition.
The one thing that throws me off, and perhaps still does, is the title for I find it implies its only about the pursuit of cash and how to become rich, when really the book covers so much more. As a parent I don't know if the title really hits the heart of the book, but saying that, it could be a smart thing, because as a teen, often we would pick up a book about making cash way before one promoting inner peace. Like I said before, its nice to see a book cover spirituality undercover, when kids of spiritually aware parents could be fed up of hearing universal truths full out.

I’m sure that when our interview is completed Mark will be able to fill us in on the details of his program based on the book, or you can visit The Richest Kids Academy at www.gorichkids.com.

His book Richest Kids in America is available through Amazon.com.