5 Steps to Less Screen Time

It’s everywhere, and yes, even sometimes in my own house.

Screentime overdose.

It doesn’t take all of the studies that exist to know that our children, and ourselves, are glued to our screens too often. We’re missing out on present moment living due to computers, smartphones, and television. Remember how on weekends, streets used to be lined with children playing? Now, often residential areas are like ghost towns, just because everyone is stuck inside.

And it’s not just our children. We can’t say it is. Facebook and notifications distract us from our family and we offer nothing but an example of distraction; distraction from life itself.

I would love to say that I was a parent that had kept electronics from my children. I was so close, our daughters were 8 before they had ever tried a computer game. Living off grid for a long period of time, without highspeed internet, had kept everything pretty limited. But then we moved, got busy, they had homeschool programs online, we got a shop, and soon our boy wanted to take part in games with his sisters... boom. We were lost.

It happens. It spirals. My last hooray is staying away from smartphones simply because I don’t want to tempt myself.

Life. That’s what’s at risk here. Life and tools for life. I’ve felt my way to the point that, for me, it’s not about keeping my children away from technology, it’s part of their generational make-up, rather I need to help them use it with awareness. We have the opportunity to offer our children solutions, awareness to their focus and attention, as well as, hey, a serious amount of fun play  time. Life flips by while we scan newsfeeds and cat videos... not to mention the numbing effect of violent video games and the emotional turmoil experienced by children in the name of entertainment.  But what’s scarier... if something can be... is the fact that “if you don’t lose it you lose it.” If you don’t know how to follow passions, interests, and wonderment, you lose the ability to experience it at all.

So, here’s my list of 5 things you can do to start curbing screentime. (and please note, there’s not really any “enforced” abandonment of screens entirely. In order to offer awareness and tools for life, we can’t simply restrict and take away. In many ways that simply encourages our children to do it anyway, but not get caught. However, it also means that building awareness takes some time. This isn’t a quick fix and it shouldn’t be. Its foundation building and therefore, a little time makes it a little stronger.)

1)      Play with contrasts.

 Start to draw attention to the emotional affects on each other of computers and games and even tv shows. Become the experiment. As a family, what happens if you only do screens after lunch or at certain times? What happens if you only go on AFTER you go for a walk and get some exercise... why does it feel better? What feels better? How does it affect how you feel and the general feel of the house? Also, if you’re struggling with television screen time, talk about the different feelings of different shows. What do fast and loud shows feel like, compared to slow ones? Look for differences in behaviour when your children are taking part in one form of entertainment and another. When you take part with the contrasting experiences your children aren’t feeling TOLD what to do or feel, but are observing it themselves and then can start to make conscious decisions on what works for each person. This is Screen/emotional education.

2)      Find alternatives.

When we don’t use it, we lose it. If we just tell our kids to get off of the screen, chances are they will be baffled at what to do instead. This isn’t 30 years ago, when childhood was filled with finding things to do. Our children live in a time when they are told what they can do. Chances are few of us still feel comfortable with our children taking off and not telling us where they are going. So, what do they fill their days with? What interests them, sparks them, excites them? What about hobbies and crafts and a huge stack of wood out the back that they can make whatever they want out of. Providing alternatives is providing opportunities... and what’s surprising is that, with those opportunities and alternatives, they rarely want to chose the screen instead. CREATIVE LIVING... is the name of the game.

3)      Be the example.

 It’s true. Each time we don’t know what to do with ourselves and we choose Facebook instead (my personal demon) of finding something creative ourselves... even just playing with our kids, or meditating under the stars, we are saying that life needs to be distracted from. Each time we say “just a minute” because we are surfing the net... we give the permission for our children to zone out on a screen. Ouch. But so true.

4)      Do a family challenge. No Screens (NONE!) for a week.

 Go camping, turn off the wifi, turn off the electricity, do whatever it takes. But just get away from it for one week. Stock up on books and board games... go on midnight walks and crazy times. Have fun. Let awareness build all by itself.

5)      Turn your attention to your children’s time OFF of screens. The truth is that the law of attraction works with everything and the more we notice what’s not working, the more we notice it... more and more and more. Same too though, the more you notice what is working... the cuddle up bedtimes when you talk together, the morning breakfast when everyone chats, or the walks with the dog when everyone gets exercise, the more those will happen, and the more you will notice. If you are totally focused on how much your family is in front of a screen, then no matter how much everyone tries to get off of them, you’ll never notice. The Law of attraction makes it so. So, start looking out for the moments of connection and play... you might be pleasantly surprised.

What sign are you holding up? The Law of Attraction and how it works.

I keep talking about the law of attraction lately, which suggests it’s time to write about it.

After all, it’s something I work with continually and offer clarity on with all my clients and in my workshops and groups. It can spark a pretty positive shift when the power of the universe is suddenly working with you and how you feel.

Wayne Dyer said it so beautifully when he stated that “The Law of attraction isn’t about what you want, it’s about Who You Are!”

But what does that mean exactly and if “who we are” is a parent?

Who we are....

Remember, we are energy beings. We have a current of energy ever flowing, call it life, love, source, spirit or just... plain old energy... that’s what we are. But what we also know is that our focus, our feeling space radiates through that energy. The frequency of that energy shifts on how we feel, and what we put focus on.

So... imagine that with that focus, that energy emitting off of you, it’s like a blazing sign being held up to Source, like a bat signal of spirit, and it says “More of this please.”

That means, if you are frustrated for anything more than a few moments, then the frustration sign gets held up, asking for more frustration. The universe answers and gives you more to feel frustrated about.

But... the same goes with joy, appreciation, happiness. When we shift focus to things that FEEL better, than we hold up that sign and allow more of life to flow in that vibration.

So, consider, for a moment, life being really “hard”, everything is going wrong and falling apart. You are never on time, you are always out of money and the house is a mess. Everyone is sick and you just can’t get done what needs to be done. Life has snowballed out of control... and the more that’s the story, the more it really is the story.

It can be turned around in with gradual shifting to telling a different story.. simply by finding the things that feel better.

From stroking your beautiful pet, to admiring a sunrise, to enjoying a meal (or starbucks) or even just making lists of things you appreciate, slowly you turn the wheel of your focus to a place where you feel relief and in that... you find your essence of who you are. Literally, completely focusing on the good stuff and simply observing the negative stuff, turns to dial. That feeling gets held up on that sign to the universe and then, more life supports that feeling space.

So, what role does the law of attraction play into parenting? Oh boy, a really big one!

Each time we focus on our children’s negative behavior, the more it flows in.

Each time we focus on a dirty house, the more it keeps dirty.

Each time we focus on how there’s not enough time, that we have to do too much alone, that no one listens, that we don’t know what to do... Sign is up, sign is up, sign is up.

Each time we focus on our children’s playful laughter.

Each time we hold them that little longer, appreciating them with our whole hearts.

Each time we stop focusing on being late and enjoy the puttering meanderings... suddenly we get there on time, or everyone else was late too.

Each time we say it’s ok if bedtime goes a little later for that extra story, a child asks to go to bed earlier (it can happen.)

Each time we focus on enjoying our children, we see more opportunities to play, interact and laugh with them, we find new experiences, notice how they’ve grown, and truly connect with them as our authentic selves.

And then, as we shift, our children learn about this tangible focus machine that they are, and start to use it for good. Suddenly, whining seems futile as you just get more to whine about, and appreciating seems to be smart. Suddenly letting life flow in, rather than demanding it gets pushed through, seems more natural. Which of course it is.

Life’s never a complicated as we like to make out it is and you know what, even when we have bad times, when we snowball and spiral, is all good. Because when we snowball it’s just us feeling the way we DON’T want to feel in order to feel the bliss of when we shift it. We didn’t come to be perfectly aligned all the time, then we wouldn’t grow, we wouldn’t know difference,

we would be like a candle in the sun. Sometimes you can only shine bright, when you are in the muddle of darkness for a bit.

And then, you see a sunrise.

Life is good, we came to enjoy it and ride it and play. When we know that we can feel good to our core and then it all clicks into place it offers us a practical tool to make better days.. it snowballs.

So, the only question we ever need to ask when things go screwy is “what sign am I holding up?”

And then shift accordingly.
Click on this link to view a great mantra for a focus shift.
https://youtu.be/yNbSvHO6H3U

The journey to School, from the Homeschooling view

I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve posted here.

Over the last while I’ve been writing different posts in my head, but have been failing to actually get my fingers to the keys. We’ve been busy folks lately, and quite honestly it’s got me reeling ever so slightly.

As many of you know we’ve been a home schooling family for the past 4 years.
I’ve loved it since the beginning and it’s been a fascinating journey, watching my teaching techniques change as my parenting techniques shift to the spiritually aware perspective. 4 years ago my daughters and I would sit at the kitchen table, we had workbooks, pens, pencils in front of us, I had big rolls of paper hanging from the wall, and a white board.

We did brainstorms, projects, worksheets. We had weekly schedules arranged from yours truly, and monthly themes. I ran a great school. Now our eldest daughter LOVED it! She would push herself to the extreme, jumping ahead in workbooks, playing school and raising her hand to ask questions, she learnt how to read quickly and absorbed information like a sponge to water. Our other daughter would often be found with her head on her workbook, the same page open for at least half an hour. Then she would feel stressed and upset when her sister learnt things fast. She would drag her heels to the kitchen every morning, and many a time in those early years (before I knew any better) “I’m going to HAVE to send you to school, if you don’t do the WORK here!”
Somewhere in my head, even though we were home schoolers, I was convinced that there were targets I had to meet and of course in some states and provinces this may be the case, but the Unschooling movement is well on course to being huge.
It felt so off to TEACH our younger daughter. It felt so forced and then there was our elder daughter literally begging me for more. I was starting to get burned out.

Then our son was born and they were put on a strict diet of workbooks daily. I bought really thick ones and we broke the week into subjects. I still tried to teach in a school setting and offered projects and school videos that I discovered on Youtube at night, nursing our baby. But something else had changed to. With my journeying into Spiritually Aware Parenting and my new found, full blown commitment to feeling good and trusting in my instincts, I found myself not wanting to force any more. Rather I wanted to encourage them to discover knowledge, to be excited by it. I wanted to gently open doors rather than open them, push my girls in them and then describe to them what they could see. At the same time I found that the girls weren’t interested in the projects and shows I was putting before them. They did their workbooks, sometimes asking to do them instead of reading at night, sitting up in bed way too late until I told them they really had to put them down.


The result was interesting to say the least. I became our younger daughter’s dream teacher. She learnt what she wanted to, and she discovered the amazing ability that she has to grasp information when she wants it. She didn’t just learn how to read step by step, she woke up to reading and could suddenly read. Suddenly she was doing math sums and telling me answers when I didn’t think she even understood the concept of it yet. She was dropping information to me as common fact, without any pretence or sense of pride even. Rather it was second nature to her. She had learnt through some hidden passages in her head and all my work at Forcing schoolwork to her had probably been holding her back.
Her sister however was getting bored. I’ve been trying to fill the void. We joined a homeschooling group, they took swimming, skating, they made life long friends. They kept farm animals and had responsibilities. But no matter what I had found something inside myself that screamed “let them learn at their own pace, through their own passions. LET THEM PLAY.” And so they got to play… and play and play.

Since practicing letting go of my need to control what they learn, to meet outcomes and BE the teacher (I still sometimes have control issues that I work on, I still sometimes think that everything would be easier if everyone would just listen to me and I don’t understand why they don’t, but then I remember that not only does that make everyone else deny their own voice, it also puts a whole lot on my shoulders that I really don’t want!) Since practicing all that, we’ve become the family I’ve always dreamed us to be. The girls play and laugh. They read like maniacs, and recite poetry. They had their own school this fall (named weird fish school after some sweatshirts they own so it could be their uniform) and a really nasty teacher (which WAS NOT ME!) They are 8 and 9 and they still play with their 2.5 year old brother and will willingly watch his programs with him and enjoy them at the same time they will sit and watch Jane Eyre with me and enjoy it. We go to beaches and their father tells them about sea life and about tides, crabs and coasts. They explore and learn every day, even if its just by playing a few computer games (which they are constantly told they play too often as it makes them space out and brings adrenaline into the house), but they can find their way around machines better than me. I’ve been loving watching them grow and explore at their own pace, their own plan with us supporting them.

And then Sunday happened.

I sensed they were bored, so suggested that I set up some work for their pretend school and they could take what they wanted and leave the rest. (they still do a year worth of workbooks, its just that they like the brand I get (Brainquest) so they finish it fast.)
Our eldest turned to me and say, “I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and I’ve decided I want to try school.”
I was pretty proud of my self containment, and told her alright and I would talk to her father about it and we would set it up. It had always been made clear that if anyone wanted to go to school they could and homeschooling was only the Happy option not the only option. If it didn’t make someone happy, then it would stop. I was proud of her to, that she had thought it out and stated it to us.

The next day we went to the local school, and were happy to find it small, run by lovely people. The children seem happy and I appreciated how the teachers talked to our daughter, not just us. She was enrolled quickly after and we’re waiting until the school’s special centennial event next week takes place so she can start when it’s a bit calmer of atmosphere.

Our daughter is so excited she can’t wait to start. Meanwhile for most of the week I’ve had to hold back tears or run to the bedroom for a sob. I felt like a hole would be made in the home, that nothing will be the same. The first few days I pondered if I had failed her as a teacher and then an inner voice reminded me that the principal had looked surprised when I told her what our daughter was studying and had assured us that she would be well on par as the class. As I kept looking for better feeling options, things started to clear and I soon realized that parenting is a different thing than we often imagine. Somewhere it stops being about Taking care of and tending to, all at once it becomes about trusting and supporting.
This was her decision. Ironically, or perhaps powerfully, that Sunday morning after meditation I had written in my journal that I was worried our eldest daughter wasn’t being fulfilled “I’ve always felt deep down that she needed official schoolwork, unlike her sister who thrives and learns with play.” I had written I had then asked for help, help to feel my way to new options, and right choices. A few hours later, our daughter said those famous words. “I want to go to school”.

I also became aware of my own desires. That for ages I’ve wanted her to be inspired, challenged and broadened. I’ve also felt frustrated that I couldn’t take her where I felt she wanted to go in learning. I also had felt her sister feel left out, and awkward, even her wanting a chance to feel younger to play more with her brother, but often felt rushed to grow up because her sister wanted to. She’s needed some parental one and one time to sort things out. This school enrolment was perhaps taking place because of a bigger picture than just a child’s whim.
I then reminded myself that it doesn’t need to be permanent. She can change her mind. She’s starting incredibly late in the school year and in September she can return to home schooling, but with new knowledge of what she is missing. Rather than the fear of the unknown. How exciting is that prospect?
Now, I also know our younger daughter may feel like she has lost an arm. At 10 months between the two girls, it’s like separating twins. So her and I’ve decided to start her on a new curriculum too, one that I’ve been wanting her to get involved with, known for its imagination, its freedom, its creativity and sense of adventure. We’ll do it together, her and me, at whatever pace she wants. We’ll be ordering from Oak Meadow next week, so they can start new school together and do homework together.



There’s a sense of great new beginnings around here. And as I told my eldest daughter tonight, she needs to know that as a family we will miss her terribly in the day, but she’s not going into this alone. Her father, myself and her younger sister are spiritually behind her, in front of her and beside her always and we will experience this as a family. We are becoming more and more the family we’ve always wanted to be.


And then there’s her brother who taught me a valuable thing today as I watched him draw. At 2.5 he draws with no intention, but looks at his paper with wonder when he sees what wonderful thing has appeared. As we get older we tend to reverse that, we draw with intention, but are harsh on our final work, saying it’s not how we wanted it. Although we can often create moments in our lives out of pure intention, perhaps if we were to let go and draw first, we would be surprised and overjoyed to see the wonderful things we had created and enjoy them in their manifestation, rather than disappointed in being different than we expected.