Wow. 7 years.
7 years since I remembered Who I Really Am... 7 years since hearing that inner voice, reminding me that I was taking part in something so much deeper and wider than anything medical science considered.
7 years since communicating with the truest essence of our son, who I recognized as soon as he was born.
With the birth of our boy came the birth of my new insights in parenting. He has taught me so much and we have all benefited.
I can still hear his whispering to me before he arrived earthside, the encouraging me to trust the process, the communication with each kick when I would ask him if everything was alright. I can still see the full moon through the skylight as I was in labor. A symbol of magic, reminding me to let go of beliefs and fears, and rather allow our boy to come into the world safe and sound.
That image, that night, is still teaching me so much.
Before I had children I followed that full moon religiously. I trusted in the connection I had with the universe, I was committed fully to living a spiritual life while living a physical reality. But having children creates a paradox within ourselves, we want to give them the moon and back, we want to establish a foundation where spirit is everything... but the fear of physical reality is sometimes more real when you have three children in tow.
We can tie ourselves into knots trying to keep everyone balanced, safe and happy. We can struggle to find the perfect image of our perfect life.. we can labor and labor... but it’s in the final release, the let go and trust, where everything comes earthside.
This last week I have to admit, I buckled. We’d been on a roadtrip this winter and when we got back we’d found our house was rather in ruins, with wildlife having broken in, and our cats were gone having not liked being tended by a friend. We decided it should be sold and we should start something new, having fixed up the place too often already. For 6 weeks I’ve been tending the hearts of my children and husband, hunting around for the best feeling perspectives, balancing positive aspects, but forgetting to look out for my own self care space. I was allowing others to grieve the home we’d lost, but not allowing myself to feel it as much as I really was.
Well, it caught up with me, as it always does if you can’t find that grounding space. We’re staying at my parents while we figure out next steps and quite honestly, I’ve been lost for vision.
But then... there’s always the moon.
I was reminded soon after my bottoming out, reminded from within, of labor pains which bring forth new life, of the guidance continually around us which empowers us to focus on what isn’t necessarily in any medical guide or website, which isn’t logically available to us but comes from deep within us
There is always pain before birth... or before re-birth.
Over the past few years I’ve been asking, requesting for some newness. I love my business and I want to take it further, enabling spiritually aware parenting for more people while expanding it within my own heart as well. I’ve also been requesting new outlooks and opportunities for our family; a lighter vibe.
Ask and You Shall Receive.
But I can’t have planted that seed and then expect it to grow within me without a breaking down of the old life. Re-birth is the same as birth...throughout life we grow and change, leaving one life to see things differently, to live a little differently, to expand and experience anew... the birthing process has contractions as does life as it literally stretches us in ways we never thought possible.
Seven Years ago I looked up at the moon preparing for the arrival of our boy. But now, I look up at it preparing for whatever new arrival, change or incredible experience is around the corner.
That night seven years ago is one of the proudest moments of my life... one where I choose trust and love rather than fear and hesitation. Those are things I still choose daily.
And there’s always a moon, or stars, or a sun... a breeze, a bird in the sky or the sweet whispers of my soul that tell me...
This is more than Me. I am a component, but trust is about remembering that we are never alone, we are always supported, always loved and always taken care of.
We may not know how things will turn out, but when we look back we can always say, yeah, it turned out just as it should of.
Tomorrow is our son’s seventh birthday and as I shake my head at how that time has past so quickly and try to grapple at all I’ve learnt, I also breathe a sigh of relief. Each stage passes so fluidly, he’s grown through so much turmoil but with so much joy. He fills my heart each day, just as both his sisters do. I want to feel more, love more, experience more, live more because of this incredible group of souls I am lucky to be mom to. I’m on this road, this incredible journey of love, laughter and adventure.
Stage by stage, re-birth by re-birth... trusting the process and living the love.