Getting rid of those habits and creating new patterns

September can feel really busy, right?

Boy do I understand that one. I’m in the middle of planning curriculum and sorting out fall clothes. It’s a little hairy. But that’s why I’m really excited about Monday, because it’s a no pressure, supported way of creating patterns that authentically represent ourselves.

I know that if you are on the brink of picking up a routine, you can do two things. You can let it create itself, by just diving in and getting done what you want to get done. Or, you can consciously set some new patterns. Patterns that set you up as the person you want to be.

I mean, we all have those niggles. Those things we’d like to do, like exercise each day, or get to bed half an hour earlier or start the day with a green smoothie or meditation. It’s our own things right? But we all have things we’re putting off, meaning to start... and then not starting them. They then sit there... a little bit of a weight, which we shake our head about, wondering why we just don’t start already.

What better time to start than September? The relaxed state of summer has primed us to create a routine for fall and we’re ripe for new patterns. It’s the perfect fertile soil for the seeds of change.

And that seed can be the smallest shift... the smallest new habit. Just enough to tell ourselves and that voice of homeostasis... we mean business. We’re in charge of ourselves. It’s up to us what we do in each day and how we do it. We fall into our own patterns, but it’s up to change them if we want to.

So, the question is... do you want to take that lead? Do you want to finally do that little niggling thing, you keep beating yourself up over, each time you don’t do it?

If the answer is yes, then I really hope you join me on Monday, for my free 10 day challenge. Or maybe you’ve already signed up and  We’re going to set in motion some awesome new habit forming patterns.

And if the answer is no... then you need to ask yourself why not? Are you perfectly happy with your routine? Is everything running as smoothly, happily, mindfully, as you wish it could be?

It can be scary to finally step out of the comfort zone, especially when we can feel overwhelmed in the first place. The excuses can build up and be never ending.

 But think of that niggle as your truest self calling you forth, saying let’s make life easier with this one new step. Maybe with a little step, the busyness will be more manageable.

And on Monday, we’ll all be supporting each other and helping  each other on the way, even with just a little emoticon left in comments over on the FB group, we’ll all know we’re not alone in this shift!

Accountability and support makes all the difference. Anyway, I really hope you’ll join in.

The Pursuit of Spiritually Aware Parenting

Someone asked me today what my “goal” is in the work I do, and an image flashed across my mind.

It was a pregnant mother to be walking into a spiritual bookstore in Glastonbury over in the UK.

The woman was me.

14 years ago, my husband and I were expecting our first daughter and like some excited school girl I danced into every bookstore I could find, looking for that tool, that golden compass which would help me find the spiritual path I knew pregnancy could be. Up until that point, I’d avidly gobbled up every spiritual book I could find. Before meeting my husband, I’d Marianne Williamson’d, Deepak’d and Dyer’d. I had gone old school with holy books and philosophy leaders and on the flip side, had watched Oprah until the sun went down. I’d even been a screenwriter for a spiritual television

program for children. Spirituality coursed through my veins and I’d met my husband through the most spiritual connection I’d ever experienced, using connection, the law of attraction and intuition.

It seemed like pregnancy should be the same. It felt like parenthood was a holy rite to be passed though and I wanted to meditate through labor and teach yoga to her before she could walk. She would be enlightened and know all the tools I’d been gathering for years, so her life would be golden.

But, I hadn’t counted on the fear, socially inflicted doubt and the fact that my life had sped up and I already felt I was running out of time!

I felt rushed as each trimester passed...I talked and read what I could find but I felt I would never have the quiet I craved and the more I craved it, the more I didn’t know how to savor it when I found it. I felt like a runaway train was behind me that hollered “She’s coming soon and you aren’t lined up yet. Line Up!”

My feeble attempts to have small rituals or make things sacred for our daughter, were done for my own outward show, trying to convince my fearful heart that I would “get it right”, while I really felt that  I really didn’t know what I was doing, or who she was, or who I was going to be as a mom. I wanted to enjoy that time... but it was flying by and tainted with morning sickness. I felt like I was having a shadow experience of something I wanted with all my heart.

I sometimes felt so guilty for feeling like I was failing her and she hadn’t even been born yet.

And so, I wandered into bookstores, looking for the book that hadn’t been written.

And I kept aimlessly looking for a couple of years.

2 daughters later I decided it was time to slow down and tap into the inner resources I’d known all along was within me, but I’d been too nervous to look before. I’d have to dig deeper than I ever had. I’d have to be vulnerable and push back the veil.

For some reason, I thought that parenting was something everyone had figured out already, and I should play by the rules. I might have found true love across the ocean by mere instinct and without any dating experience like everyone else. but parenting... surely I was safest following other people’s lead.

But I finally got it. I couldn’t play a role and feel authentic to myself. I couldn’t have the spiritual experience while pretending to be something else. Trying made no sense. My girls, my husband and I were going to have to live a different story. The veil had to be pulled back. The real me had to emerge.

And so it began... oh it was shaky for awhile I can tell you. The philosophy had to be invented as going, and with a daughter who had iron will, I fell back into old habits more than not. I screamed, I shouted, I guilted and I even shamefully spanked as my own reaction to the lack of control and dictatorship I had (I mean everyone else said I should be in control, was I really supposed to give that up?)

But little by little I remembered Who I was... and who I wanted to be. I remembered I was connected when I felt good, and if fighting felt bad, it wasn’t good.

So I started passing on tools to the girls as I practiced them again for myself. Exercises, games, stories, anything that could offer them emotional awareness. Homeschooling provided us with the best platform for emotional awareness lessons and life tools.

And then I got pregnant with our son.

I went back and redid pregnancy, the way I had wanted to in the first place.  I rewrote the experience and connected to the source within my son by 16 weeks. He was my eyes and ears to how the pregnancy was going. It was enlightened.

Everything rolled together and kept rolling. Our girls were learning how to feel, and to follow their hearts. They became sensitive to how the law of attraction brought in what they were feeling. They became in awe of the world around them, and integrated spirit and magic into near enough everything. The world made sense on a deeper level for them. They did yoga, and learnt how to meditate....

Scratch that... they’d always known how to be the incredible spirits that they are.

Along with our son, they taught me how to allow and move through stages rather than force them.

Behaviour became an indicator of how they were feeling about themselves not how “bad” they were and my stress was a sign that I needed to connect to ME, not to find fault in Them.

There wasn’t any pressure to pass on wisdom, I got to learn some. I got to play more, I got to laugh more.

Life finally slowed down and I could enjoy it feeling fulfilled and authentically me.

And that’s my goal for my work. I want for as many of you as possible to find ease in the chaos and speed of the day. I want you to feel so much deeper than the routine and daily chores. I want to empower children to look for the deeper route in life and to have emotional awareness, knowing themselves so they can navigate through it all. I want love, laughter and ease for everyone.

Is that too much to ask? Maybe. But not too much to try.

Its right around the corner, you know? Just pull aside the veil and see what’s there.

5 Steps to Becoming The Parent You Want to Be

Last week I heard something that blew my mind.

Do you want to know one of the greatest parts of ourselves that hold us back?

What do you think it is? What holds each of us back from becoming the people, the parents, we want to be?

Give up?

Homeostasis.

I’ll let that penny drop for a moment.

Yeah, homeostasis. That system within ourselves that keeps us within our comfort zone... or rather the practiced zone. That system that cools us down when we are too hot and warms us up when we’re too cold. That natural system that keeps us regulated, is also the thing that prevents us from achieving our own self improvement.

Has that hit you as strongly as it did me?

I mean, I’ve always felt that. It makes complete sense. I just never saw it that clearly. I’ve always thought that as Spirits we wanted to achieve more; that we are always learning and growing. I’ve often wondered what force was behind the holding back sensation, the part of us that sighs, goes back to bed and says “I’ll start that new habit tomorrow.”

So, 80% of us wants to stay the same. I don’t mean 80% of us as a group, I mean 80% of ourselves.

We program ourselves to stay the same.

So, each time we react to our children, each time we don’t bother making a list of positive aspects, every time we see through a negative perspective or criticize another even though we feel bad about it... it’ s because there’s a huge part of us that is telling ourselves....

Don’t change. Keep the Same.

I don’t know about you... but on one side that can really upset me, I could feel hopeless and deflated.

But on the other side it empowers me to the hilt.

 Wait, that little voice that encourages me to not bother, or keeps me in my negative patterns is just myself trying to find balance and homeostasis? I can reprogram THAT!

I can now see it for what it really is. I don’t have to listen to it logically break down and convince me to just follow my spirals or bad moods. I don’t have to believe it, and I can darn well ignore it.

In fact, it makes me want to do everything differently. Call me a rebel! LOL

So, with the knowledge that a huge part of us wants to resist any change, I’ve compiled a simple list of 5 top ways of sparking the change we want to see within ourselves; From more positive parenting moments to more self care, let’s take control of our stories!

1)      Do something small. One small change practiced for 2-3 weeks. Do it at the same time every day. Try writing down 5 positive aspects about your day every night before bed. Make sure you do it EVERY NIGHT for at least 2 weeks. New habit.

2)      Support- I’ve learnt that nothing is more incredible than accountability. Share with your partner. Find a friend or group that wants to do the same thing. Tell people on a Favorite Facebook Group (Like the Spiritually Aware Parenting one)or start a group yourself. Anyway create accountability and someone will be there to remind you to keep your promise to yourself.

3)      Have a reminder. From post-its around the house to alarms on your phone do something that is going to break you out of your own sightlines. We all need reminders (remember 80% of ourselves is going to insist we forget.)

4)      Shift it around. If you usually try to clean up before having time with the kids, switch it. Play first. Have fun with it. Eat Lunch food for Dinner and dinner for lunch. Heck, try desert first. Why, because we get to choose, right? I mean you won’t know why it doesn’t work until you try it! Break small routines even just once and you can say you’ve done it. Spirit loves spontaneity!

5)      Forgive yourself. So often we fall back into bad habits and give up for a lost job. But with 80% of your mental programming telling you to give up, then you know that its just neural pathways that need re-programming. Forgive yourself, let it go and get back at it again in the morning.

Remember, our minds can be like wild animals (or chattering monkeys!)  and the best way to train them is with love and gentle guidance. Once we’ve allowed our mind to re-focus onto the direction we want, the rest is easy. It’s just that first break. That first step in control and with so many more people pursuing mindful living, you can always find the support system that works for you. So take that first step... and then take it one step at a time.

One Small Shift

Today, I want to talk about the small shifts that equal bigger changes and how this affects our parenting and our children. So often, especially in our off moments, in our times of disconnection, we see things that can be better within our family element.... we see things we wish would change in our children, be it their bedtime or the interaction between siblings or the communication between us and them. Maybe it’s screen time... or scream time.  No matter what it is... as our children grow, things change and in those changes its best to be as conscious as we can, so we can create the journey, not drive blindfolded.

The secret lies in the energy of Who We Are... who our Children are and the, sort of, build up that occurs throughout our days. Let’s call it vibrational plague.

We all form habits, in my family we form them quickly, habits of routine, of activity, of certain foods we eat regularly, or even games played, or television shows watched even just the stories we tell ourselves. One of my daughters will text a friend regularly, another one will be more on games than school apps... both things can make them feel antsy and on edge. These things can be looked at as no big deal. It’s summer, things are up in the air... we’ve all had a hectic time what with traveling etc.  We all get edgey . We’re unwinding.

But often things build... and it doesn’t necessarily make it bad, just something to be aware of. Because when things build and suddenly pop up on the surface and we really notice that we need a change we can flip and worry and almost panic that life has gone crazy and out of control.

 But a little shift is often all it takes.

Yes, it can be a shift in our perspective for sure. That’s always the first place to start because if we are in a panic about how life is flowing there’s no way to get it to flow. If we are so busy noticing the things that aren’t working... we’ll never notice the things that are. So, first shift is to trust. Trust the offness and trust that because everyone’s felt off, or gone a few steps in a direction away from who they really are... they will know themselves so much more. That the offness increases the vibrancy of the Connection.

And then do something ridiculously simple.

Change something.

Wake up at a different time. Eat outside. Put on fun music throughout the house. Move around furniture. Go out to a new restaurant or a new park or a new route to school.

A shift starts with us. No one can change if we can’t. Habits are simply patterns we get used to.

Or we don’t.

Something happens in the little shifts. Everyone notices them... or rather everyone feels them. And with that change in energy a ripple effect occurs. The Law of Attraction kicks in... joy kicks in and everything feels different.

People put down devices and dance instead.... or they smell new smells, taste new tastes.

The energy of the house changes and with that, old patterns just don’t fit the same way anymore.

Only you can find the energy shift that matches your particular circumstance (although you can always ask for help in finding it. You are never alone, remember) You can feel your way to a little shift.

It’s a whole lot easier than trying to fix it all at once.

And then I’d love to hear the story of how life opens up and you and your family step into the new with that first step.

LOA in progress....

Everyone’s allowed to feel off sometimes... even our children.

Our son has had a number played on him lately. From a trip he was reluctant to take 8 months ago, to losing his pet cat, having 2 cavities, and getting the flu, he started a run of misery over the last few months.

His poor cousin who came to visit him.

Although every couple of young boys will have run ins, not often is rambunctious behaviour treated with such... well, dare I say, moaning that’s been happening.

I’ve been totally understanding and I think family members around me have been surprised by my nonchalant reactions to our boy’s shrugs, shrieks and mutterings. I wasn’t going to ask him for perfect behaviour... not right now. He turned 7 yesterday... he needs his growing space. It needed to be the right time, and the right place to say something.

We all do it sometimes, don’t we? Get into a rut of thinking and processing... carving out neural pathways of stories that don’t bring us joy?

I haven’t written a personal post for a long time, but what just happened seems to be something that should be shared with you all. It’s a reminder to me that this parenting business is about balance and timing. Also, a lot of you have asked about passing on the law of attraction to our children and this is one of those occasions that gives a great example.

Our son wiped out today as he tried to enjoy a carnival. He had a sore throat and was already dis-connected... and he decided to run down a ramp, falling and grazing his two knees.

He went on a few rides in the afternoon, then went back to lie down... with a definite focus on how horrible things were.

When his cousin came in to say goodnight, he refused a hug, and barely said goodnight.

That was the window I’d been looking for.

I reminded him of how if he showed love, he’d bring in love and if he wanted to feel better and change the direction of how things were going for him.. to go, say a proper goodnight to his cousin, give him a hug, then go have a proper snack and a nice bedtime to start a better day tomorrow.

I suggested his focus was spiraling and snowballing and although it was hard to feel good with sore throats and sore knees, it was what he needed to do... and the first step was to let love pour from his heart.

He asked if he could go out of the room alone and I heard him go and say goodnight to his cousin. I saw him come out, looking a million times lighter.

He knew he felt better. He knew that the cycle was broken. He knew he was love and when he expresses love... he could express himself.

I’m waiting to see how it plays out tomorrow and for the rest of his cousin’s visit.. but I wanted to share this story with you because it’s really important to remember...

We can’t force these sort of lessons... rather sometimes the offness  IS the process, the relief of coming back to Yourself is the Lesson.... no force necessary.

As parents we often feel that we have to teach... but sometimes its too soon. We feel that we have to control, but sometimes that stops the experience of the contrast to what works and what doesn’t, we also sometimes feel like we can’t trust the process, but we can.

We can only Allow the moment to arrive... the Aha moment when it all makes sense.... and then grab it following our own instincts rather than the outside view of it all.

If we miss one moment, don’t worry, another one will come and another. It’s like surfing the wave, waiting for the perfect, synchronized moment. The trick is to be tapped in to your own sense of self so you can recognize it.

What we pass on to our children, is often what we need to remember ourselves.

 We can panic and freak out that things aren’t going as planned, that we’re dropping the ball, not living our purpose, or not being a good parent but that too is like riding a wave or floating on the water. When we struggle we sink...

Relax, breathe, re-focus and allow.

Lessons From Giving Birth

Tomorrow is our son’s 7^th birthday.

Wow. 7 years.

7 years since I remembered Who I Really Am... 7 years since hearing that inner voice, reminding me that I was taking part in something so much deeper and wider than anything medical science considered.

7 years since communicating with the truest essence of our son, who I recognized as soon as he was born.

With the birth of our boy came the birth of my new insights in parenting. He has taught me so much and we have all benefited.

I can still hear his whispering to me before he arrived earthside, the encouraging me to trust the process, the communication with each kick when I would ask him if everything was alright. I can still see the full moon through the skylight as I was in labor. A symbol of magic, reminding me to let go of beliefs and fears, and rather allow our boy to come into the world safe and sound.

That image, that night, is still teaching me so much.

Before I had children I followed that full moon religiously. I trusted in the connection I had with the universe, I was committed fully to living a spiritual life while living a physical reality. But having children creates a paradox within ourselves, we want to give them the moon and back, we want to establish a foundation where spirit is everything... but the fear of physical reality is sometimes more real when you have three children in tow.

We can tie ourselves into knots trying to keep everyone balanced, safe and happy. We can struggle to find the perfect image of our perfect life.. we can labor and labor... but it’s in the final release, the let go and trust, where everything comes earthside.

This last week I have to admit, I buckled. We’d been on a roadtrip this winter and when we got back we’d found our house was rather in ruins, with wildlife having broken in, and our cats were gone having not liked being tended by a friend. We decided it should be sold and we should start something new, having fixed up the place too often already.  For 6 weeks I’ve been tending the hearts of my children and husband, hunting around for the best feeling perspectives, balancing positive aspects, but forgetting to look out for my own self care space. I was allowing others to grieve the home we’d lost, but not allowing myself to feel it as much as I really was.

Well, it caught up with me, as it always does if you can’t find that grounding space. We’re staying at my parents while we figure out next steps and quite honestly, I’ve been lost for vision.

But then... there’s always the moon.

I was reminded soon after my bottoming out, reminded from within, of labor pains which bring forth new life, of the guidance continually around us which empowers us to focus on what isn’t necessarily in any medical guide or website, which isn’t logically available to us but comes from deep within us

There is always pain before birth... or before re-birth.

Over the past few years I’ve been asking, requesting for some newness. I love my business and I want to take it further, enabling spiritually aware parenting for more people while expanding it within my own heart as well. I’ve also been requesting new outlooks and opportunities for our family; a lighter vibe.

Ask and You Shall Receive.

But I can’t have planted that seed and then expect it to grow within me without a breaking down of the old life. Re-birth is the same as birth...throughout life we grow and change, leaving one life to see things differently, to live a little differently, to expand and experience anew... the birthing process has contractions as does life as it literally stretches us in ways we never thought possible.

Seven Years ago I looked up at the moon preparing for the arrival of our boy. But now, I look up at it preparing for whatever new arrival, change or incredible experience is around the corner.

That night seven years ago is one of the proudest moments of my life... one where I choose trust and love rather than fear and hesitation. Those are things I still choose daily.

And there’s always a moon, or stars, or a sun... a breeze, a bird in the sky or the sweet whispers of my soul that tell me...

This is more than Me. I am a component, but trust is about remembering that we are never alone, we are always supported, always loved and always taken care of.

We may not know how things will turn out, but when we look back we can always say, yeah, it turned out just as it should of.

Tomorrow is our son’s seventh birthday and as I shake my head at how that time has past so quickly and try to grapple at all I’ve learnt, I also breathe a sigh of relief. Each stage passes so fluidly, he’s grown through so much turmoil but with so much joy. He fills my heart each day, just as both his sisters do. I want to feel more, love more, experience more, live more because of this incredible group of souls I am lucky to be mom to. I’m on this road, this incredible journey of love, laughter and adventure.

Stage by stage, re-birth by re-birth... trusting the process and living the love.

3 Steps to Trigger Mindfulness

Last week I was being interviewed on Katie Flores Get Happy Project and we were talking on the subject of mindfulness. An interesting point came up which I wanted to officially clear up here.

It’s not always easy... and once you get it.. you won’t always do it... and that’s alright.

As many of you know, I offer a free guide on my site, and here on this blog, called How to Push the Reset Button... it’s basically 4 (ok... spoilers... 5!) easy steps to find your connection in chaos.

It’s a simple process on paper. But not necessarily in practice. From a space of calm, logging off, letting go, listening, and loving.. it all sounds logical and natural.

However, throw yourself in the middle of a 2 year old tantrum when you are running late already.

It’s a bit like telling someone swimming is a breeze in the middle of a storm.

Our natural state is to be balanced, grounded and spiritually aware. But tempers rise when we are feeling unlike ourselves... when we are in an un-natural feeling space... so although the process of pushing the reset button is there to provide steps to get you back to yourself... You have to find the reminder to use them in the first place.

Imagine a gap between you as your greater version of you; The bigger than this body you.

And the physical experience as You.

The physical experience has the temper, the reactions, the “I’m going to panic” “I’m overwhelmed” “Can’t stop from flipping” experiences (as well as the good stuff... don’t forget the good stuff)

In a positive experience, positive emotion, the gap between the dual versions of you is really small, you experience the joy together.... as positive spirit, the greater version of you is happy to be by your side.

But then a stressful experience occurs... or your thoughts start chattering with a negative focus.

Spirit says... sorry... no can do. I can’t go there with you.

And the gap widens.

The trick is to remember the gap. (Mind the Gap... gives trips on the London Tube a very different meaning!)

For when you find yourself surrounded in chaos, and you remember the gap, that’s when you can find your way back to the fuller YOU, you push the reset button, you find new focus, you go to your inner room and you laugh. Does that make sense?

But how to remember the gap????

Here’s my top 3 big Flashing Red Lights you can put in place.

1)      A physical representation of yourself... something that every time you see or hear, or touch you feel connected to your fullest version of yourself. A piece of jewelry, a crystal in your pocket, a token from your children or from a spiritual journey... anything that upon sight you remember yourself and within that... remember the gap. I once knew someone who actually made a picture of what made her feel awesome and put it as the lock screen on her phone... Depending how much you use your cell... that’s awesome!

2)      The sky. Looking upward immediately reminds us to connect to something so much larger than our own experience... and in that larger universe we find the larger version of ourselves. Mountains, fields, trees can do the same. I have my moon. She has been kind and kept me connected even through my son’s birth.

3)      A mantra, or affirmational phrase... or tune. Om... humming... or something like “I am more than this experience” or “within me lies my own happiness and light.” When repeated often, or trained to be a regular focus, this can become a habitual state of being... so habitual, that when we disconnect, and get stressed, we can feel the shift more strongly, and then consciously guide ourselves back.

It may be a logical statement to ask how these reminders can remind us to connect, if we have to remember to do the reminders! But the thing is that these simple steps can easily be worked into life, even when you  are feeling wonderfully, exhilaratingly like yourself. When you find the little tokens of motions that symbolize you as everything you are, it feels amazing to practice them, sing them, play with them, focus on them. It raises life up to the point that when you aren’t in the space of doing them, you feel disconnection so intensely and that’s that little reset button push.

Awareness to how you feel is truly where it’s all at.. and the feeling of being mindful to Who You Really Are... ohhh... it’s a blissful state of infinite possibilities.

If you haven’t gotten your free copy of the guide, you can find it over here.